house meeting!! Help me find a format for giving my children some independence

[foulmoonfiend]

OK, not sure where I'm going with this so please bear with me.
My eldest boy is nearly 9 and is having a hard time at school for various reasons. Life is very frustrating for him, lives are busy, and there is not much opportunity in his life for free-thinking or independence. We have a small home and he is thrown together with the younger boy a lot of the time and sometimes I fear we are not working very well together as a family
I have a vague idea of trying to help them be more in control of their own lives and
making decisions for day to day life.
I want our family to be more democratic (while allowing for the neccessary needs and duties as a parent to nuture and protect them.)
I want them to develop an ability to listen to, and understand, other people's point
of view.
I'm got a wooly idea of implementing a weekly family meeting, with both boys having the opportunity of devising some 'golden rules' for the house and a chance to them - and us - to air grievances.

Obvious ones such as 'no hitting' respecting privacy, etc spring to mind, but what I want to know is does anyone else do anything similar? Does it have any effects? What sort of rules might you have?
I hope this makes some sense and I really want to hear any ideas and thoughts the court of MN might have!

Thanks in advance, over to you....

No problem!

Also, as well as discussing rules in this meeting, how about also coming up with some family values together (like eating together as a family x times a week) and some explicit roles and responsibilities?

sorry foul, i called you full last night. Having a 14 yo, an 11 yo and a 9 yo, I know ho difficult it is to give them the independance they need to grow... at the right time for them. I have found that outisde interests, separate if possible has helped and trying to give them little jobs on their own... like maybe for a 9 year old he can be left at the children's library to choose his own books and collected 45 minutes later... being responsible for checking his own watch etc ( but of course you being there really .. maybe hiding behind a pottted plant.

Not sure about this family meeting stuff myself but I love the idea of them asserting their rights to be wrong, ask for help, etc as Rosie said.

dolally - I am usually fullmoonfiend, just feeling foul for halloween

oh I see, you changed from full to foul like... overnight - very seasonal. Happy Pumpkins!

Another rec for the book that Harpsichordcarrion recommended - really useful!