Worlds worst mum award goes to me today

[GlitterTwinkleToes]

I don't want any sympathy, I just need to rant and vent a little bit and be told that yes I have a complete and utter bitch today

DH has picked up another job meaning that he leaves for work at 7am and he's not home till gone 10.30pm mon-sat. This isn't usually a problem but at the moment I'm feeling very low and alone. My anxiety is all over the place and I can't sleep no matter how hard I try. Just feel like shit all the time.

DD 13 months has been a complete and utter nightmare today. Refusing her food, refusing to nap, just being a little whinge bag all day. I've lost count of the amount of times I've tidied up the fricking flat today and I still looks like a bomb has hit the place. Just have not got the energy to keep doing this all the time.

She's going through a difficult phase at the moment aka being a shit All she keeps doing is biting, slapping, kicking me whenever she get the opportunity. I say no. She laughs, does it again, I repeat no and yet she still continues to do it. I've tried distracting her, singing silly songs when I need to change her and nothing seems to be working. She doesn't do this with any else and I'm ashamed to say that I lost my temper this evening. I shouted at her, saying if id known that having kids would cause me this much stress why did I bother. She wasn't worth the hassle at the moment and if someone offered to have her, they could. Forever. I put her down in her cot and left her screaming. I came into the front room and burst into tears. I feel like an absolute cunt. What sort of mother says that to her child!
I know she hopefully won't remember it but I can and will do for the foresee able furture.
I told Dh what happened when he got home, he agreed that it was a horrible thing for me to say but I shouldn't dwell on it, shit happens

Hey, I struggle with sleep too.

We've all been there. My kids are 5&6 now. The elder child has ASD and is often very hard work. My dh also works long hours.

Give her a cuddle :-)

Tomorrow is another day.

Why not getwrapped up tomorrow, take a flask of coffee and go and watch. The eclipse?

If you do something different, then tomorrow can't be like today. ??

You poor thing.
You are not a shit mum. Or a bitch. You are struggling and tired and under pressure. Children are very forgiving and I'm sure she will forget your words.

Is it possible for you to get out of the house tomorrow? To a toddler groups or a friend's house? The walls can really close in when you're stuck at home with a toddler.

Be gentle with yourself.

Thank you all. I try and be cool and collected but just lost my shit today. We have playgroup tomorrow so that's a good few hours out. I didn't realise a solar eclipse was happening tomorrow crawls back under my rock

She won't remember. And putting her in her cot so you could take a minute to calm down was a very good decision.

You're certainly not the worst mother in the world. You're under a lot of pressure and you lost your temper, but you made sure your daughter was safe and went away to calm yourself down. That's the important thing.

Have you got any family support, or even a friend who could look after your daughter so you have an hours breathing space and then let you vent? Failing that, I would get out every day if possible. DD is 18 months, so a little more independent, but some fresh air and interacting with other children does her so much good. Being out of the flat for the afternoon also saves on some of the tidying up. (Although, with the tidying, if it's too much to cope with, let it slide. Your mental health is more important than a tidy living room!)

X-posts! It seems I type very slowly...

Every one does!

Now, I actually rationalise it with the kids... I'm like 'why. Why do I have to get to the point of insanity before you listen to me?' And the two of them stand there, rooted to the spot thinking 'oh shit, we went too far And she has properly lost it' and then someone laughs and it's like 'you two are trouble ' and we all have a cuddle.

Xx

And then they are nice to me / each other for approx. a minute and a half and it all starts over ;-)

what sort of mother says that to her child?

Every single one. Quite frequently.

I think the old adage is true: if you were really a shit mother you wouldn't be sitting around miserable and hating yourself for losing your temper.

It is very, very doing all the childcare alone from 7am to 10.30pm, six days a week. DH's schedule is similar. It would be so different and so much easier if he just got home at 5.30pm to help with dinner and bath and bedtime, as it sometimes feels everyone else's partner does. I think once you get to the twelve hour mark you just hit the wall and exhaustion kicks in.

It's also very difficult when you think about how you're being treated by these small people. Being shouted screamed at and physically attacked and harassed all hours of the day just doesn't happen (generally) when you're working outside the house. I often bitch to DH that no-one bites him or screams at him at work.

I definitely agree with getting out of the house and getting her physically tired out. On the days we're stuck inside the DTs at horrendous. Letting them run around and use up some energy is the only thing that makes it better.

Oh and also try really hard not to do any tidying up during the day. Leave it all to when she is in bed. It's incredibly stressful to be surrounded by mess and chaos all day, but it's infinitely better than the frustration and rage caused by picking up the same puzzle pieces 5600000 times in one afternoon!

Totally agree with everyone above. You've got incredibly long days. How about one Sunday DH looks after DDand you go off to friends'/family/alone? If it's not something he does, he'll cope for a day.

And I too don't tidy until the end of the day. I tidied frequently in the beginning, then realised it was just stressing me. It's not fun having a mess either, but anything - pretty much anything - that relieves the pressure is ok!

Totally agree with everyone above. You've got incredibly long days. How about one Sunday DH looks after DDand you go off to friends'/family/alone? If it's not something he does, he'll cope for a day.

And I too don't tidy until the end of the day. I tidied frequently in the beginning, then realised it was just stressing me. It's not fun having a mess either, but anything - pretty much anything - that relieves the pressure is ok!

She's tiny and will definitely not remember.

You had a bad day - we all do. Shows someone who says they've never felt like this and I will show you a big, fat, liar.

I agree with your dh. And with pp. get out of the flat as much as you can (I would have gone totally off my head otherwise - people used to praise me for being brilliant getting out when they didn't know I COULDN'T stay in )

Also feck clearing up 3 times a day. That's just soul destroying.

And and a for later.

*show me

I agree with the comments already made. My DH is away from 4am Monday to Friday 9pm at the moment. I feel like a single parent some days. He calls me every evening and knows I've not been too well for the last two weeks - he just says to leave the house - it'll all still be there when he arrives home to help at the weekend. I always feel better getting out of the house, usually mornings and then by the time we've had dinner/been shopping/had nap time I can cope with being alone until bedtime. The last two weeks have been difficult - but it's Friday and he'll be home later tonight to give me a cuddle. As for mess - just try to ignore it - I just pile everything up into the middle of DD's playmat once she's gone to bed just so I don't break my ankle tripping over something. Oh, and if anyone comes to visit, my motto is, if you come to see me you'll ignore the house, if you want to see the house, make an appointment so you can come when it's been cleaned! Chin up - it's a lovely day today and spring is here so go out for a walk or something - I'm sure you'll feel better.

Not only will she not remember but she won't have any understanding of the real meaning/ impact of your words, other than you're angry with her. I often find that when it gets to this point and I feel at my worst the guilt is enough to make me approach the following day with a much bigger reserve of strength, patience and cuddles - no matter what ds throws at me! You need the low points to appreciate the best ones.

I can totally understand your feelings of loneliness and doing it all yourself. If possible, get out and about as much as you can, surround yourself with people (friends and family, not just other mothers). Spring is here and the weather will improve and you can do lots of lovely outdoor things while the rest of us are stuck in offices

Is your dh's job a short term thing? I honestly don't know how people cope with this situation and appreciate that there is rarely another option and I know nothing about your situation. BUT if it's making you all (?) unhappy then other options need considering. Personally I'd rather downsize, have less money and a happy family that stays together. Honestly, if it were me this would have pushed me (and dh too) to breaking point.

Oh no, I completely sympathise . My DH works similar hours to yours, but usually not on Saturdays. That must be really tough... to essentially be by yourself 6 days of the week. IMO your frustration is utterly normal. My 4-month old DD is an angel and smiles every time I look at her, but I still get frustrated and bored looking after her all the time.

We're not awful people. We love our babies. We just need a break.

I agree with PP's suggestions that you get out of the home and do something that both you and DD find fun (shopping, perhaps? :)). Hope your DH's hours improve soon.

Oh gosh, I remember those days! Every parent has those moments, bad parents aren't bothered by them therefore you are not a bad parent.

My absolute rule at this stage was to leave the house every day without fail no matter how much I couldn't face it. Block your day so you're not facing endless hours. Block 1 breakfast and dressing. Block 2 something silly, singing, playing tig. Block 3 toys. Block 4 nap. Block 5 GO OUT.... etc.

The other thing that helped me was "fake it till you make it". There were days I couldn't face being happy mummy so I forced myself, happy mummy sings so I sing, happy mummies chatter so I chatter etc. It works because you can continue your fakery over the top of melt downs and resistance. Then you notice it making a small difference and it gets easier to do it again the next time!

Imo this is one of the hardest stages, old enough to resist but too young to negotiate. All I can say is it doesn't last forever luckily

Thank you each and everyone of you. Feel so much better after having a decent sleep. She's still been a little shit today but hey, she should be an angelic child apparently clutching at straws

What activities do you do that tires them out? She's only just learnt to walk so still very wobbly but we do go for a walk to the park every day for half hour play, and she's a little tornado when she's crawling but still refuses to sleep till gone nine each night, even after limiting her two naps to 30mins each time.

(((hugs))) I don't know any mother who hasn't lost their temper with one of this age. It is SUCH a hard job sometimes and they really do test your patience. It's obvious you love your little one though- you put her safely in her cot and then took yourself out of the situation. That is the right thing to do. Do reach out for some more help and do go to the doc if you're feeling depressed. It is honestly normal to feel like you're losing it sometimes as a parent, but it's not normal to always feel like that for a prolonged period- don't feel guilty, you're doing your best, but do get some help if you need it.

I don't know if this is your first child but it does get easier- a LOT easier. xxx

Agree with everyone else - we have all been there! I've got two with an 11 month gap between them and at times I've been quite literally at my wits end. They are now 21 months and 32 months.

Ref naps and sleepng maybe cut down to one lunchtime nap a day? Keep her going until 11am, lunch & down for nap by 11.30 - 1.30pm, so two hours, bed at 6.30/7pm. It's a hard slog at first keeping them going til that time but stick with it. I was routine / nap hitler with mine - had to be to survive. It's so true that sleep breeds sleep, a two hour nap in the middle of the day should have her ready to sleep at night - I never have understood how being OVER-tired makes kids stay up, but for some reason it does.

If she's waking frequently at nap time try wake-to-sleep method (go in and quietly shush-pat her just before she usually stirs which may be every 20 mins or so - my DS was dead on 40 mins which is how long sleep cycles are) and this will interrupt her sleep so she goes back into a deeper sleep. My DS was a problem sleeper so I used a variety of methods and after two weeks he was in a clockwork routine.

Those two hours in the day will save your sanity as it means you can do a group in the AM, lunch & nap for two hours so you chill out, then activity in the PM. I had mine in bed at 6.30 every night at this age and it just made life so much more bearable as I had my whole evening to myself.

Hope some of this helps!

You're doing a great job coping such long days, I know how hard it is.

Wow thank you for that. I'm going to put that into practice tomorrow, she went down at half 8 tonight after two hours fighting it but got there eventually

Hi OP, just to echo everyone else- yes we've all been there (I am sure there is the odd saint kicking about though ).

Although you are supportive of your OH working all hours, it will take its toll as you lack the overt support.

When DD was the same age she kept trying to pinch me, especially at dressing and nappy times. In the end I snapped and held her by both arms (to limit pinching) and said really loudly at her NO! WE DO NOT PINCH OR HIT. IT HURTS AND MAKES ME REALLY CROSS!'. I then sat her back down on her bum and moved away. She burst into tears and then came over and hugged me and its never happened again.

I would think your DD will not remember the incident but hopefully she'll remember that hitting mummy = time alone in cot!

Ref sleep if her bedroom pitch black? Its hard to stay awake and fight sleep in a room that Dracula would enjoy living in.

Do you have any friends with similar aged children? I took DD to baby groups and now toddler groups to make friends with other mums. A couple of us now meet up at soft play each week. It gives us a chance for some adult conversation while they run around and tire themselves out.

We also put some music on to dance to before dinner. DD ends up burning energy off by charging around giggling.

Apart from that, I suppose we just try to make an adventure out of everything. The supermarket quite close, so I can kill an hour by letting her walk to and around the shop and choose some fruit.

I'd also consider just making bedtime later. DD will go to sleep fairly quickly and easily if I put her to bed at 8pm, but will fuss and fight for an hour if I try at 7pm.