Should we have a third child??

[DebsW76]

Hi everyone, I am looking for some advice/opinions please?

We have 2 children, our daughter is 9 and has a rare genetic condition which will lead to kidney failure, as well as this condition she has learning difficulties.

Our son is 6 and has type 1 diabetes.

To the outside world it seems like we have a lot on, but to us meds, injections, set changes, sleepless nights are the norm. For the last 18 months we have been seriously debating a third child. We would both love another and we know the kids would adore a younger sibling. I have recently given up work to be on call for our 2 children and my husband works full time, he is a brilliant hands on dad. I suppose the only thing holding us back is fear....fear of having another child with additional needs, fear of another child with her condition we have recently found out she has inherited a defective gene from both of us so there is the chance that it could happen again a 25% chance and I also fear twins - although I am sure if that happened we would cope, we would have to! I have spoken with our daughter consultants who were supportive but obviously nobody can make our decision for us.

Our daughter will also need a kidney transplant in the future for which I hope to be a match, another reason why if we are going to have another I want to do it sooner whilst she is stable and whilst I have 2 kidneys.

I wondered if anyone had been in a similar situation?? On one hand I think if it was not meant to be I would be able to let it go, but it is all I can think about, also I am 36 now so worried about my age!

Thanks for reading this huge message.....which was only meant to be a quick question xx

Hi I saw your message and couldn't go without saying something.

I have a DS1 who is 3 and DS2 who is 1.5 and I am 18 weeks pregnant with an unplanned DC3. I am exhausted as I work full time as does DH and in the evenings when you just want to sleep, there is dinner to be made, kids to be bathed and house to be cleaned. I cant help feeling that we must be mad. We need to get a bigger car, holidays are a no go for at least two years and DH and I have barely got any time for one another.

That being said......its happening and we are making the best out of it.

For you, your children are older and will be able to appreciate a younger sibling. I am sure with genetic counselling (not sure if u have considered it??) you can minimise your chances of having a third child with your daughters condition.

And my DH has type 1 diabetes .....he has had it all his life and has managed it fine, it is not life limiting and your son will lead a long and fulfilling life.

You may regret NOT having a third child. But you will never regret having one.....even if they need additional support, they will be your child and you will fall in love with them as would your DH and your children.

It will be a challenge but look at it this way, if they are healthy and all is well then that's great.

If they have needs...you will manage these needs, one lady said to me (she had three kids with DMD) that it is easier to have both feet in the disabled world than one feet in both as your social life and every life is re volving in one world, than balancing two worlds and being impartial to both. whether that's true or not...know you and DH are in a good position, whatever challenges comes, you will meet them with strength, courage and optimism. Any child coming into that is lucky.

Good luck to you