Daddy doesn't want baby

[idontknowmyusernameanymore]

I can't quite believe I'm posting this, but I feel very alone and actually need the support. Please don't criticise me, I already feel very vulnerable.

Basically, I'm 6 weeks pregnant. It was an accident, I was on the Depo shot and was just one of the lucky/unlucky 1%. I want this baby, I already love it and want it unreservedly. I am 20, My partner is 40. I have miscarriage issues so it might be my only child I can ever have.

We've been together 19 months or so give or take now, and had a very volatile relationship. He's quite gentle, and I'm quite fiery. We have massive screaming match arguments, but we've never broken up.. yet.

Our parents both know and are thrilled to have a baby on the way. Both our families get on, we have our own house and good jobs that pay well in the NHS, NO reason why we couldn't raise a child.

But he doesn't want the child. Ever since we've found out he wanted to get rid but I refused, I love my child. Today we had a massive talk and had it all out, with my mum there to diffuse the situation. I didn't want her there, but he always wants to get other people involved (One of the problems).

Long and short of the story is he's said he hasn't got feelings for me, he doesn't love me, and our relationship can't continue like this because he cannot cope and isn't happy BUT wants to try with no promises.

My question is, do I delude myself into trying? Is it possible to be a single parent? I'm SHIT SCARED of bringing this baby up on my own, but I will if it is what's best for the child. I feel scared when he doesn't know if we can make it work, and he won't give me any reassurance.

Right now I'm a pregnant and vulnerable mess. Any recurrence would be great.

He has no feelings for you or the baby. You're young and still have a chance at future happiness if you start putting yourself first. If you want this baby, that's all you need to know you'll do just fine. Unconditional love between mother and child is the most beautiful thing on earth. You won't be on your own, it sounds like you have close family nearby so you already have a support network. Yes, it'll be hard but plenty of people do it even without a support network. I'm not a single parent but I look at my 4yo and cannot imagine life without him - I had no idea what love really is until he came into my life.

I have a number of friends & relatives where either a man or woman have joined a 'ready made' family of parent + child(ren). My best friend, for example, is the best step mum & best influence her girls could have. A colleague is the only father his step daughter has ever known. Saying this guy isn't good enough for you doesn't mean you'll be on your own forever. You sound nice, maybe this is the story for your life & in the end you might meet the perfect one for you & you're the answer for him cos he can't have kids - stranger things have happened.

I'd say you should focus on you & baby & do what feels right. Sometimes there's no need to make a decision, just see how things pan out, but be clear from now on you need to do what works for you & keeps you happy (calm & getting enough sleep) not trying to persuade him to stay.

I can promise you that you won't be lonely forever. This unborn baby is already your child, you love the baby. Let this selfish man go, you can't force him to be a parent, he doesn't have to have anything to do with the baby, and to be frank it is often easier when men don't. I didn't meet my soulmate until I was in my late 30s, and though I wish we had met earlier, he is absolutely the right man for me, and rather one day with him than 30 years with the wrong person. Dont concentrate on finding a man, concentrate on you and the baby and your happiness, the right person will come around in time.

I want to say thank you to everyone of you for all the messages, I have read them and I appreciate them SO MUCH. I will reply soon, I'm just still wrapping my head around everything and have gone away just me for a week to make some decisions. Thanks everyone xxxxx

Gingerbread is an excellent charity that can help you with advice etc about single parenting, how you can do it etc.

My SIL was made to get an abortion by my BIL because he didn't want it and she very much did. It destroyed her and was the biggest regret of her life, she said. She had to go through counselling for years and never got over doing something she absolutely didn't want to do, but she went through with the abortion because she thought she'd lose him. Anyway, they fell pregnant again (again by accident), and again he said no way, get rid of it. This time she refused. My in laws tried to make her get rid of it and again she refused. Anyway - she did what she felt was right and she now has a beautiful 4 year old daughter, and the dad came around she's a proper daddy's little girl. HOWEVER - this was them. Not every situation ends favourably. All I can say is, do what you will regret the least later on in life. You say you want this little one - then that little one should become your focus, not the man who has helped to make you pregnant and refuses to face up to his responsibilities like a real man. everyone deserves to be loved and supported in life, and he's doing neither for you. It's better to be on your own than try and live an unhappy lie xx

I had this with my xp when I was about the same stage in pregnancy as you. I should have left than xp turned into an emotionally abusive arse I should have gone with my gut and left earlier rather than when baby was tiny.