Bored

[FirstTimeMum23]

Is it awful to feel bored and unsatisfied only 6 weeks in?
My daughter arrived after an easy pregnancy and labour, the first few weeks were non stop with visits here, there and everywhere and the baby has fitted into my life not the other way round so far but I'm still bored even though we've had plenty of days and nights outs with baby....
The days drag although at the same time go so quickly, my back is breaking from constantly picking things up, nappy changes etc.
I love her of course but at the same time i'm not basking in the glow of Motherhood that I thought i would.
I miss my life, my career and I miss my body which looks hideous and will never be the same - I managed to get to nearly 9 months without stretch marks and then what looks like fire exploded on my tummy two weeks before she was due, i'm jealous of my husband being able to go to work for the day and come home and spend an hour with her and that's his time done, even though he's extremely supportive and does the majority of everything at the weekend and whatever I need during the evenings in the week.
I dread the night feeding even though she only wakes once in the nights so i know i have it relatively easy - I'm aware I sound like a complete cow but i'm frustrated and have no reason to be.
Today went by fine, all was well and we even popped out for a late lunch, home for bath and getting ready for bed and we then have a 2/3 hour evening screaming time which just makes me feel the whole days routine wasn't worth it because it's not slotting into place.
I appreciate i'm probably being hard on myself and should be realistic - it's been 6 weeks! And I'm sure I'll be told to enjoy this time as I won't get it back etc etc and I do think she's a good baby from what I can gather but right now i don't think I'm enjoying this, I don't hate it, I'm just not loving it and not sure if I'm allowed to admit that........
I'm bored and it's repetitive and I don't find it fulfilling.......
NO I'm not depressed I'm just a bit MEH......
Am I awful?

No, you are not awful. Those first few weeks are a shock to the system, it is physically hard, unrelenting work of holding the baby/feeding/changing etc. it will get easier, the evening cluster feeding/witching hours are very tough going but it does get easier trust me.
I had a baby that didn't sleep so this went on 24hrs a day for me, so please think yourself very lucky to have only one wake up a night. My entire body hurt and ached all over, I was completely broken and exhausted.
It is however not all about sleep. You will fall into a new routine I am sure. It is completely normal to feel a bit like a fish out of water, your whole life is unrecognisable overnight! Do you have an NCT group you can meet up with? Or baby groups? Adult company will help you not get bored.
One small bonus is that a few months down the line you will have super strong mummy arms from all that lifting. Your body quickly adjusts to the new work load and it won't always feel so back breaking.

I'm coping in all aspects in terms of in some ways it all seems relatively easy and mundane and boring......
Then it hits me and I can't take the crying even though was only for an hour I get frustrated, i'm tired and then my husband comes in and I feel like i'm a complete shadow of who I used to be - gone is the independent, carefree, immaculately dressed wife who always has a glass of wine in her hand and it's place is someone who is 3 stone heavier, wearing a tracksuit who can't be bothered to apply make up - not that HE cares at all - I'm the one finding the transition difficult.
He's besotted with our daughter and extremely happy an amazing help.
At the same time I feel I'd be quite happy lazing on sofa watching awful TV and the baby at times interrupts that and I get the feeding / nappy change out the way as quickly as possible and look forward to nap time as i do find it boring - it's difficult when there is no interaction - I've been trying to get her to smile to date and no luck so far, even a smile would assist me in feeling like we were going in the right direction. i didn't do NCT and to be honest I don't think the classes are very me.... I have relented and put in two mother and baby groups in my diary for next week even though i'm dreading it - would it be frowned upon to take wine so I could see who my friends would be :)

I feel guilty as i'm not sure if we've bonded properly and if I feel the way I should feel as I think I'd be quite happy going off and stepping back into my old life where I was my own priority...
That's an awful thing to say but it's true. I'd never leave her of course I wouldn't, I love her but I'm not sure its as great as it's supposed to be....... maybe I don't have that natural mothering instinct.

i've had a horrid cold past couple of days as i'm run down so maybe it's all getting on top of me unnecessarily...
i've massively surprised myself by joining this website and forum - I never thought I'd be that person :)

I get frustrated she's not that into the playmat or her bouncy chair and then feel awfully guilty as at 6 weeks she's still very small (was also very small at only 5lb birth weight) - it's like I'm wishing away this stage... :(

It is a big adjustment and small babies are a crushing combination of dull and all consuming. It does get better.

Hiya, didn't want to read and run. for starters welcome!

I have found it gets better and easier. DS is only 15 weeks and it is much more copeable with already. I didn't get bored but did get frustrated and that feeling of not being able to "get it right" is very familiar. I found structured baby groups were much better for me, found the whole "sitting round chatting" bit very hard but if someone was telling me to sing a song or do a move (baby yoga) then it was much easier.
mumsnet is great for general chat and questions too when you are stuck under a sleeping/feeding baby and only have one hand.

If it makes you feel better about the weight, 6 weeks is too early to hope to lose it. But after 6 months, with no effort whatsoever, I was a stone lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight. Probably due to breastfeeding. So don't assume there's no going back.

Babies are pretty boring and repetitive TBH. They definitely get more interesting. Get out, join some groups, you'll go mad doing groundhog day at home all the time.

And yes you will find a lot of mums who profess to be loving it and are totally baby obsessed but you'll also one day happen upon the other tortured souls looking around hopefully for the wine We are around... somewhere.

And read a blog called Renegade Mothering.

www.renegademothering.com/2014/09/27/hey-new-moms-ive-thought-terrible-things/

I'd have happily gone back to work at 6 weeks with DD1. Loved her to bits but was really quite bored and had nothing to say for myself in the evenings when DH got in and I was mid 3 hr cluster feed