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Parenting

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Original poster

HV advice, opinions please?

19 replies

hanflan · 18/03/2015 13:14

DD is 5 weeks old. HV said this morning that I should just let her sleep as long as she wants to (although no longer than 6 or 7 hours especially if it's during the day!) and feed when she wants to feed. Totally off the cuff, no rough routine or schedule. This seems fine as she is so little. However, there are a lot of folk (Gina Ford, Baby Whisperer advocates etc) who would say that as baby gets older this means that everything will be chaotic and they will have no chance of sleeping through the night as they will be all over the place! What are your thoughts? And if you agree with the HV, is there a point where I should start to introduce more of a structure in order to get her sleeping more at night? Interested to hear everyone's thoughts!

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Original poster

hanflan · 18/03/2015 13:15

I should also add, I have been trying so far to keep to a ROUGH schedule of feeding every three hours during day, then leave to sleep as long as she wants at night!

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HippoPottyMouth · 18/03/2015 13:32

I think your current vague schedule sounds fine, assuming you are not trying to make her wait if she wants to feed before three hours. Definitely with you on as much sleep as possible at night too!

Perhaps the HV was worried you are fretting too much about a routine and was trying to get you to relax, but who knows. If it's working for you as things are then stay as you are.

I'm not much of a routine person in any aspect of life, so I would never go the ford route, but I agree you do want them to have an idea of night and day. I think what I did was have them napping in noisier environments in the day, ie downstairs, don't worry about the hoover or it being dark, and then nighttime obviously it is quieter and darker and they are in theory in a deeper sleep, and go for longer.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 18/03/2015 13:33

I never bothered with any routines. I have a 26 month old and a 13 month old. Both got themselves into routines which happened to be the same! By 12 weeks they both napped around three times a day. Both slept through about 5-6 months. One night feed by about 16 weeks. Can self settle well.

I've never had any problems getting g them to nap in cots or prams. The one thing I have pretty much always,done is put them.down to sleep whilst they are awake and that's it. I've fed on demand.

Personally, I much prefer letting them find their own way and I do think.they find their own pattern. My sister is a real routine person as she likes lists etc. That works for her but I find it very stressful and she does get in a bit of a mild tizzy if her baby misbehaving lunch at 11:30 so she can have her nap. Plus she then has to try and amuse a tired baby to keep her awake t her dedicated nap time. I'm too lazy so just let the baby d

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Gobbolinothewitchscat · 18/03/2015 13:34

Ps - when I.saw,my sister makes the baby wait, this,is a 9 month old for solid food. Not a tiny baby for milk!

Original poster

hanflan · 18/03/2015 13:38

Thanks for replies! I have never had to try to stretch out a feed or make her wait haha, if she wakes and she is hungry I just feed her. I guess I was just wondering about length of sleep in the day, for example my DD is now sleeping and it has been 4 hours since last feed. I could leave her until she wakes for a feed but at what point does this "nap" get too long?!

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WhyOWhyWouldYou · 18/03/2015 14:29

A baby left to its own devices will settle into a routine. I think the key is dark and quiet at night and light and noisy in the day.

DS settled himself into a routine by 6weeks. It did however include a 11pm bedtime (after a few hours of cluster feeding). So we let him properly settle into that and started doing a small bedtime routine (change, in cot, lullaby) at the 11pm time he'd naturally set himself to at 9weeks. He slept a full 12hrs by this point too. We then gradually started putting him down 15mins earlier until we reached a 9pm bedtime (suited us at the time).

His day routine was roughly set too not long after (again by him not us). Obviously over time hed alter the day routine to suit him as his needs changed. I just went with it.

Also I once read babies aren't like adults, in babies sleep promotes sleep. So even when my DS decided he needed a nap not long before bedtime we went with it - never affected nighttime sleep. Also i never ever woke him regardless of how long he'd napped for in day - again it never affected nighttime sleep.

Original poster

hanflan · 18/03/2015 15:49

WhyoWhy, thank you! That is really helpful. I feel more relaxed now about just letting her do her own thing. The "sleep promotes sleep" thing makes a lot of sense. So many people say not to let babies sleep too much in the day or they won't sleep well at night. Well my DD won't nap in her pram while we are out and so if we have had a busy day she ends up so overtired. This has NEVER led to more sleeping at night haha!

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allotherusernamesaretaken · 18/03/2015 17:44

If you are breastfeeding then that works at its best when you feed on demand. I didn't try to put any kind of feeding schedule in place as I think that waiting too long between feeds can cause your milk supply to diminish.
As for sleeping in the day, it really depends on the baby. You wouldn't catch my dd sleeping 7 hours in the day or night at that age. If she was napping then I didn't wake her up, but she didn't nap much!
For us routine came when she was weaned and on 3 meals a day, I followed her lead by putting her down for a nap when she was tired and we fell into an approximate nap routine that way too. So I don't think you need to push it and try and force a routine, it will come on its own.
As for sleep. I think babies either sleep well or they don't. I don't think daytime routine is much of a factor in that. Dd was a terrible sleeper but after a bit of sleep training she now does really well. We have a pretty strict bedtime routine that we stick to, we also stick to mealtimes but the rest of the day is pretty flexible. We have definitely ended up more routine-y than I expected but you wouldn't catch me hot footing it home for nap time or example, but then dd has always napped well in the pram.

lexyloub · 18/03/2015 17:57

I would wake baby in the day for a feed after 3/4 hours but not during the night

Littlef00t · 18/03/2015 18:19

If baby gets into the habit of naps often longer than 2-3 hours then I would wake, but the rare nap is likely to signal a growth spurt or onset of illness and I wouldn't disrupt.

My dad at 11 months slept for 4 hours!! For a morning nap that is usually an hour and a half. I went with it and LO and behold the following day she was showing signs of illness.

I do try to restrict napping very close to bedtime.

On the routine front, I found by having a set getting up time, when I would wake dd even if she was sleeping, this led to a routine forming, as she would be tired and hungry at about the same times following waking and first feed.

Mouseymum · 19/03/2015 11:01

We had no routine until about 4mo. Since then l've roughly tried to stick to a 234 sleep schedule - 2 hours awake, then nap, then 3 hours awake, then nap, then 4 hours awake, then bed. DD won't be put down awake but she only needs 5 mins of juggling or a bf to get to sleep, so not too bad. She's 11mo and sleeps about 10hrs at night. Weaning helped her sleep so much, despite Nhs advice to the contrary...

Mouseymum · 19/03/2015 11:02

*jiggling, not juggling

mrsmugoo · 19/03/2015 11:27

I've never enforced a schedule on mine but found one emerged around 6/7 months around meals. He simply gets tired and hungry at the same time every day. He slept through the night 11 hours from 8 months by himself.

I think it's easier to go with the flow and just do what your baby wants.

MagicDucky · 19/03/2015 12:46

I let my DD sleep as long as she wanted but made sure she knew the difference between nap time and bed time by getting her bathed and changed and reading her a story. She's now 15 months and sleeps from7am - 7pm like she has done she was 10 weeks!

MagicDucky · 19/03/2015 12:47

Woops! I meant 7pm-7am she's not nocturnal ??

TheGirlAtTheRockShow · 19/03/2015 14:01

I never enforced a routine on DD, she's 8 months now and has been in her own routine a couple of months. Before the no 2 days were the same - she ate when hungry and slept when tired. She did get a 7pm bedtime at about 4 months, but gas never consistently slept through.
As PP have said - breastfeeding works best on demand. Babies learn the difference between night and day by what is going on around them, and the melatonin in breastmilk. So keep it light and noisy in the day, dark and quiet at night.
Even if your baby does get a routine now - it'll be out the window in a few weeks! They change so much so quickly!

nc060 · 19/03/2015 15:26

We never enforced a routine although one has emerged overlay month or so(ds is 6m), we started a bedtime routine at 12 weeks and just this week as he has started on3 meals plus bottles a day he has slept through from to between 6&7am. X

Reekypear · 19/03/2015 15:28

No routines here.

HazleNutt · 20/03/2015 15:02

I don't think even Gina recommends routines at 5 weeks?

As other posters here, we never tried to force DS into any kind of routine, just followed his cues - feed when hungry, put to bed when he looks sleepy. He found his own routine, which was amazingly regular, just like he could tell time, and it works very well for all of us.

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