Bullying or conflict?

[ItIsHowItIs]

How do you know if your child is being bullied or if it is normal playground conflict between kids?
How would you deal with this situation when its not possible to talk reasonably to the parent of the other child?

Thanks for the reply. We are talking to the school - yesterday I went to talk to the teacher because he was frightened to go to school - the boy told him he was going to bring a gun into school and shoot him and his brother... Its usually a problem with one boy but it seems that the boy is pulling in other kids. Ds isn't an easy child and can also be reactive. The problem is that the situation is stressing him and his twin brother and the only thing the teacher can say is that we should talk to the other parents. The mother showed my boys the middle finger as she drove past them yesterday (hard to believe, but they are absolutely convinced). How can you talk reasonably to someone like that? I have thought about trying to find a mediator to help.

BTW. From what I have seen a lot of boys of your ds's age don't really have friends or mix well with other kids. My DS1 has only now at 10 years old really made proper friends and didn't really play much with other kids until he was 7 or 8. DTs are a bit different because they have each otehr, but they at 8 are also only just really starting to make friends. Have you tried inviting other kids over to play? You may find someone he clicks with. Don't compare him to girls - boys are socially much more complex.

Sorry name change.....

The definition of bullying that our children were taught was something like repeated unwelcome actions.

Repeated is key. One of fight/incident etc isn't bullying, repeated is.

The teacher in your case is very out of order. School incidents must be dealt with at school. To suggest you go and talk to the other parent is bang our of order. She has to deal with it, not pass the buck.

School has a responsibility to safeguard. if your son is being threatened, they are not safeguarding. They can ban parents from the premises if they are threatening kids too.
So, go and talk to her. Be clear, this is repeated behaviour, it is bullying, she needs to tell you her plan to keep your ds form being bullied by this child.
Put everything in writing. keep a log of incidents, in your log, keep a log of times you have spoken to teacher, note what was specifically promised by the school.

If the class teacher will not take it seriously, ask for a meeting with the head, again, in writing, outline what you have done so far, ask her to tell you how she will be safeguarding you child. The threat of bringing in a gun is not only scary for your child but does raise some red flags.

Thanks Steppe. I am have started keeping a diary. As fairlylights said I have to be careful to get the whole story.... We have a meeting with the teacher next week so will bring it up. Whether it is bullying or playground conflict for me its not acceptable. I think we should demand a concrete plan of what they are going to do.

Yesterday DS came home with a bite mark on his chest from the boy (he is nearly 9 years old!). He, his brother and friend were chased around the playground by this boy and his side-kicks the whole of play time. They went and stood outside the teachers room window so the boys would leave them alone. When they were waiting to go back into the classroom the boy attacked my ds and bit him. Their friend won't go to school today. The mother of the friend has also now spoken to the teacher and finally the teacher has decided that she will get someone into try to help. We have also found out that the boy has been telling other children that he will hit them if they won't be his friend (tried this with my boys and their friend, but they refused).
I feel as if a huge weight has started to lift off my shoulders.