On my own with 2 week old and 2 older siblings

[Tavers]

I feel a little pathetic posting this, as I know there are loan parents out there and women with partners that are away all the time, but am feeling a bit sorry for myself and thought this might be a good place to vent. My dd is 2 weeks old and she has a 3 year old and 6 year old older brothers. It is a busy time of year work-wise for my husband so he only took a week off after dd born, then worked from home and this morning had gone in to the office 100 miles away and won't be back till Friday night. My 3 year old had d&v yesterday so no nursery today and tomorrow (which are is usual days).

I just feel like I've been abandoned with no one worrying about whether I'll cope. In laws live in the same city and usually do a days childcare a week. My parents are just 60 miles away... But no one has said, oh let me come round and help you out / cool you all a meal / put the kettle on. They are helpful when asked but I always have to ask, they rarely offer and or do something spontaneous like bring a casserole or such like. I mentioned to my husband yesterday that I was a bit daunted by doing the whole thing on my own when he's away and he said "you'll be fine". And that is the problem I think... I'm always flipping fine and just get on with it and they all just think I don't need the help or something. Sometimes I wish I could be a bit more helpless and people might feel I need the help. I know I should probably just ask for help but my mum quite often tells me she's got this that or the other appointment and I don't feel entirely comfortable asking the inlaws too much when they do look after ds2 once a week, plus he might be contagious at the moment so seems unfair to put them on the spot. Also, don't feel I can get any friends round while he's poorly.

Anyway, I guess I'm just wondering whether people think it's reasonable of family to just assume I'm fine take care of 3 kids (inc 2 ween old and poorly boy) on my own for 3 days without any offers of help, or if I'm just being pathetic. After all, I will almost certainly be fine, but lasagne in the fridge or something would be nice!!

X

Sorry but I had 3 yr old 2 yr old and newborn plus oldest 2 had chicken pox and nada from family. In fact when I asked my mum to mind the oldest two day youngest was as waters had gone and needed to go get checked out and was told ok but as long as she could be home by 1as getting her hair done.

So sorry you are struggling and feeling unsupported, you will be fine but it is tough. Sadly you are not alone in being expected to though

You are not being pathetic at all! Sounds terrifying!

My only advice here is ask for help as I too seem to give out the impression off confidence/competence and my mother wouldn't dream of stepping in unless asked. Any time I have ever requested help she has been there right away and I honestly wouldn't say I even have the best relationship with her. But she is still there for me.

So yes, just ask!

I had similar too, dh worked away Mon to Fri from dc3 being 2 weeks old.
You'll be fine, but it's ok to have a grumble.

Some people are seen as copers - my mum rarely offered me any help over that time, (she would help if asked though), but is falling over herself to help my dB and sil with their baby and toddler. They do however moan endlessly and don't seem to be coping so well.

If you would like your mum to come over and cook, why don't you ask her? She can only say no.

This will be me in a couple of weeks, as I'm 39 weeks pregnant and have a 2.5yo and a 3.5yo and no family about. Dh works long hours, and the only childcare I have is 3.5yo at pre-school for 12 hours a week. So will pretty much have 3 children under 4 24/7. Yanbu to worry about it, I am but your dh is right you will cope. Our parents opinion is generally that we chose to have kids close together so it's really our problem, think that's just how things are these days sadly.

Sorry you are stressed.

I am in a similar situation and DH was back working away when DS was a couple of weeks old.

It really is fine once you get into the swing of it. You just need to find your rhythm and be very organised.

Oh, and the wheels do totally come off if they are ill

Really feel for you. Must be tough. And happy post birth hormones are probably wearing off now and sleep deprivation is making everything seem more overwhelming.

I am like you, a coper. I find it really hard to ask for help and often smooth over everything and say it is all fine when inside I am not. My SiL is definitely not a coper and I am often envious of her ability to be so honest about her problems. I am slowly getting better at asking for help and admitting I am knackered, lonely, feeling sick, finding 2 kids difficult etc rather than making it all sound rosy.

Try letting your mum know you are in need of help. I think people worry they will offend me by offering help. A few times when friends or family have let me know they are struggling I have really been honoured they have chose me to ask for help.

Take it easy. Lots of TV, cuddles, pyjama days. We have had the TV on all day a few days recently. I have stopped beating myself up about it.

Thank you for the moral support all. I think you are all right... Just need to ask. Those that are more open about how things are going tend to get more support and often people do indeed want to help but don't like to interfere... I just need to practice asking! I know also that it will be ok in the long run, after all we chose to have more children, but i think the end of baby moon and lack of sleep was taking it's toll today. In fact today was a bit of a struggle as dd seems to be colicky and so v hard to put down which means ds2 was ignored rather a lot (thank goodness for tele!). We survived though and DSs were surprisingly tolerant of their screaming little sister. Off to bed now... Wish me luck. Hope you all get good nights sleeps too.

Thanks again . X