I miss my toddler now No.2 is here

[YouMaySayImADreamer]

Anyone else feel or felt like this? Hoping someone can tell me it gets better.

I have a lovely 9 week old DS and a 2.1 year old DS. Before DS2 came along, DS1 was my World, my little side kick and we happily ambled along together. However DS2 arrived in January and much as I love him too, its been hard. I am ebf and DS2 feeds A LOT and will not be put down without screaming his head off. I think the screaming and attention is starting to get on DS1s nerves and make him jealous as he has started to hit DS2 which is heartbreaking for me to see for both of them.

I get out to as many groups as I can with DS1 or to the park etc as this allows me to give DS1 some attention because DS2 seems more settled when we're out and about. However it's the "getting out the house" bit that's hard. Between DS2's feeding and need for holding, it takes me all morning just to get us all fed and dressed and keep contain the mess. Sometimes I dont make the groups on time or if I do I feel like ive been such a stressy shouty mum (DS1 will either have tantrumded,destroyed something or continually hit DS2) that I wonder if theres any point in me having this one hour of fun with him since the rest of the days been no fun for him. I have a sling which helps a lot, but it doesnt help when im trying to get us all cleaned and dressed one time.

I cant even manage bedtime because DS2 cluster feeds from 6pm so I am stuck on the couch feeding. I feel like I have completely abandoned DS1 and it breaks my heart to think how he is feeling. I am so full of guilt and miss my little boy.

People offer to help by taking DS1 for a few hours but this just makes it worse because I dont want him taken away. A friend has just phoned and insisted on taking him out and Im just sat here feeding DS2 feeling so sad.

It gets easier. I felt very much the same in the early weeks. We ff, which makes it easier now as I can cuddle DD1 while someone else feeds DD2, but right at the beginning I was still very sore from my EMCS so couldn't really have DD1 near me. So it was sort of similar to ebf situation in that I had physical reasons why it was impossible to cuddle the toddler as they wanted. EMCS also put the kybosh on my plan for dealing with newborn and two year old, which was to shove baby in the sling, because my stomach is still too tender and sore to be able to use it. The best laid plans of mice and men!

But just in the past few of weeks- DD2 is almost 12 weeks- it's lifted somewhat. DD1 is taking an interest in the baby, I'm more physically recovered and can move around better and everything just seems easier. Haven't managed that much of the whole 'getting out of the house' thing yet though. You're doing very well just to get them out and about at all. I found the 9-10 week period quite a turning point actually. That was also the point at which DD2 would consent to be put down for a few minutes!

Just wanted to say I have 2 DD 19 months apart EBF and I remember feeling exactly like you. DD1 did suggest putting DD2 in the bin after one parttricularly collicky afternoon.
Go easy on yourself and the DCs!

I can reassure you this phase only lasts until baby can sit up and before you know it they will be best friends and (not sure this will cheer you up) they will be best friends with each other and you will be 2nd place. I had a 3rd because of this
In the meantime remember all the to!e you are sitting feeding, cuddling the baby you are a captive audience for the toddler - let them make the most of this! Who could refuse the opportunity to be as obsessed with cars and dinosaurs as a 2 year old! Can you all cuddle up and read a story together? Ignore / delegate the housework as much as possible - maybe this is something the volunteer pram walkers could help with. Try and get everyone to nap together as I always struggled to get the toddler to leave the baby in peace and in fact she mostly slept while we were out - you might as well put your feet up rather than trying to do things alone with the toddler while the baby sleeps.
I started off trying to give toddler my undivided attention at bedtime but her sister screamed so much at being abandoned by me in favour of DH that I gave up and let her cuddle in beside me and DD1 till DD1 was settled.
Also my friend pointed out the obvious that toddlers do not need a nightly bath and I bathed baby during the day. This helped a lot!
Hope this helps! Above all do what works for you to get over this short time and then hopefully you will find 2 close together is much easier and much more fun!