Postnatal depression/anxiety feeling alone.

[Countryside14]

Hi,

I'm looking for some support really.

My DD is now 10.5 months old and I really couldn't love her more. I love with my partner of 7 years, we've just sold out home and are looking for a bigger family home. I'm not yet back at work and don't think I'll be returning.

Up until about 2/3 apart from lack or sleep and a very demanding baby I was feeling fine.

6 years ago something happened in my family that left me feeling very sad and very anxious for a long time after. Since then I've always struggles with it but sees to pull through and ignore it.

Now it's back and I can't shift it. My problem I'm constantly worrying about my DDs development. Now I no most mums question it time to time but I mean I'm constantly worrying. I'm a terrible reader so I google everything then worry even more. My own worst enemy! Everything I read seems to point to austisum which has now left me feeling awful. I finally admitted to the health visitor how I feel so she's coming round to chat further.

Whilst I know the way I'm thinking isn't right by worries about my baby are very real.

Can anyone relate to this?

Yeah I have similar fearful thoughts following a series of complex/traumatic miscarriages. Because of this I was diagnosed with responsive anxiety (ie anxiety caused by trauma - which may or may not accompany generalised anxiety) relating to pregnancy and post natally.

I was recommended CBT, mindfulness and hypnotherapy.
I also find yoga helps. There are also drugs which can help more serious cases.

Do speak to a GP or HV about this. Post natal anxiety is quite common but sadly rarely spoken about.

My fears relate to food, growth etc.

Sending you hugs, OP. I suffer with anxiety too and since I had my DS (after a really difficult pregnancy) my anxiety has focussed upon his health and development. I've worried lots about autism and delays when really he's just a lovely little toddler who's developing fine. I was getting myself so anxious and upset (lots of googling here too - so unhelpful!) until one day my dear mum said "it's not DS I'm worried about, it's you". It helped me to see that the problem was with my anxiety and not my lovely son. Since then I've been trying to help myself a bit by looking into getting some counselling and taking time (whenever I can) to do relaxing things like going for walks and swimming. I've also tried to let the worries go a bit by spending time doing fun things with my DS and remembering that no matter what he's my little boy and I'll love him and be there for him. If you have a nice GP or HV then I'd definitely second the advice to have a chat with them.

I hope that offers you some support, OP. You are definitely not alone.

Hi there,

Sorry that you're feeling low, but it's very, very positive that you've started telling people how you feel.

It sounds like you're experiencing a post-natal illness - post-natal depression or post-natal anxiety or a mixture of both.

I got into a similar state after the birth of my youngest child - looking back, I had a delayed grief and trauma reaction to a number of events in my past which surfaced. Some I thought that I'd dealt with through therapy earlier, but obviously not completely and others were more recent.

In addition to speaking to your HV, make a GP appointment for an assessment for PND. I took sertraline for some time which helped immensely - it didn't make me happy but it greatly reduced my panicky reactions and endless worrying.

Also, sorry to be personal but have your periods come back yet? I found the first few pre-menstrual bits very intense and overwhelming - could there be something hormonal going on for you?

There are some organisations that support women specifically with with PNI. Have a look at Pandas www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Good luck.

Thank you everyone.

Things I'm worried about are joint attention or lack of it. Purposeful point to draw my attention the thing and mutual gaze. (You can tell I've been reading up)

My mum has also said to me you've got the problem not your not you're baby. I being to hard on her? After all she's only a baby and they all develop differently.

My hv is lovely. I've made an appt to see the dr this evening. I'll let you know how I get on. It's a comfort to know I'm not alone but it really is a dark horrible time. I look at my beautiful girl and cry because she's perfect and I should feel happy but I feel full of worry and dread :(

Little red robin, how is your son doing now? Do you think I should have genuine concerns?

At under a year I'm not sure you can make neuro diagnosis that easily. Too many factors, and differences in development rates.

I don't really know what most of those things you've described are (except the pointing. DS is 10 months and doesn't do that yet. Fairly sure neither of his - NT- sisters did either).

But what you are describing sounds a lot like anxiety. You do need support with that. I am glad you are talking to your doctor.

Hello OP, my little boy is doing really well, thank you. I had exactly the same anxieties as you when he was around 11 months (and now I see how much of that was just my anxiety taking over, causing me to look for problems where there weren't any) and was worried about waving and pointing etc. I posted on the Behaviour & Development Board so you might have come across my post when you were having a worried Google! I received lots of sensible and reassuring advice from more experienced mums. It was just too early to be worrying about any of those things. By twelve months my DS was pointing and only a few weeks later began to bring/show us things, say a few little words of his own, and copy actions and sounds. Basically, all the things I'd been fretting about. I still have days now when I get anxious about him (especially when I'm tired or have a hormone wobble before my period) but I try to keep in mind that it's just my anxiety taking over again. And I'm trying to work on coping with it better.

I think you're doing the right thing by chatting to your HV and looking for some support for you. Have you got help from your partner and your family too?

Take care and enjoy your lovely little girl

Awwww that's lovely. I'm so pleased he's doing so well and you're feeling happier.

She waved about 6/8 weeks ago and clapped about 3/4 weeks ago. She does say babababa once or twice a day, I've noticed its usually first thing in bed with us or in the scar seat or high chair. So I wonder if the rest of the time she's too busy being active? (she's very active!!) it's the joint attwntion she's not quite for yet but I pray it will come.

Yes I'm so lucky that my family and my partners family and my friends are all supportive which helps so much. In fact they're not shocked and could see this before I could I think. I'm a nervy person as it is but this is really bad now and it's just all about her development

It's good that you've got lots of support. My family and partner are great too and it makes such a difference when you're having a difficult time.

Your little girl sounds lovely and busy and give her a few months and I'm sure you'll feel reassured. I think becoming a mum brings lots of new worries with it and if you're prone to anxiety then I suppose it's not surprising that it can focus on your baby. That's been my experience and i'm trying hard to work on it and not let it get in the way of me enjoying my DS. Like you, I'm staying at home and I think that can perhaps make it a bit more overwhelming as you don't have the distraction of work to help put things in perspective. Do you get the chance to have a little break now and then, to do something nice just for you?

Take care of yourself and do see if you can get some help and someone to talk to about your feelings. Lots of great advice from the posters above.

Hugs to you x

I'm still breastfeeding her so up until recently I've not had a lot of time away from her. About 3 weeks ago I managed to her her to take a bottle so I went out for the night and it was great fun. So now I know I can leave her for a bit I want to do it a bit more often.

The last 10 months have been the best times of my life but also some if the hardest aswell. There is nothing in the world that can ever prepare you for becoming someone's mum it's totally overwhelming but amazing x