2.8 year old not potty trained..help please

[luckymummy2sophie]

I'm posting on behalf of my sister in law who has a 2.8 yr old dd who is proving to be difficult to potty train. She will only go in her knickers, she's tried leaving lower half of clothes off, and she just holds it in. She tells us when she needs a wee, but then won't go once on the potty. Lots of tears al round! My poor SIL is getting a bit stressed. Any ideas gratefully received.

I can't really give any advice from experience as haven't started with ds yet, but other Mum's have told me that sometimes if things are proving too stressful, take a break - back into nappies for a short while and then start again in a couple of weeks. I have one friend who's child won't use a potty, so she just uses the big toilet. Mumsnet sent out some good advice recently too;

"Take your cues from your child - it is best not to make this a battle of wills - although if a nursery place depends on your toddler being toilet trained then this will put pressure on the process. Unfortunately this is a process unsuited to being hurried - its best to be gently encouraging and sympathetic rather than insistent and disgusted at any failure. Talk to the nursery - its unlikely that all their children have got the hang of being continent of both their wee and pooh.

Most people aren't relaxed about their bodily functions - struggle not to pass your hang ups on to your child. Phrases like "Phoar you smell - the stink from your nappy makes me feel sick" will be counter productive. Your toddler will think you find them disgusting. Extravagant praise and financial rewards for using the potty successfully make too big a deal out of the process. Punish and you risk having a toddler who develops constipation - best not to pooh at all than risk depositing it in the wrong place.

Whatever your parents and your in-laws think about potty training, don't be bullied into starting before your child has given any indication that he or she is ready. Its unlikely that poor potty training leaves lasting trauma but you wouldn't want your child discussing your technique 20 years later with his therapist. It might not always be easy but at least try to act calm, unhurried and natural about the process. Try to make it as driven by your toddler as possible. Consistence once you've started is essential."

Maybe some of that helps?

I'd give up, for now. Plenty of 2.8 yr olds aren't potty trained. Have only just trained my ds at 3 and 3 months. Doesn't sound as if the little girl is ready.