If you chose a 5yr+ age gap between children, why did you?

[Writerwannabe83]

Me and DH have a DS who is 11 months old. DH has always said he'd only want one child and sometimes I feel the same and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have another. Deep down I know DH isn't closed off to having a second baby though, I can tell when we talk about it that he sometimes thinks about it himself. I think his previous attitude is changing now that DS is out the difficult baby phase and is now turning into a wonderful little boy

However, if we were to have a 2nd I absolutely wouldn't want one for many years to come, partly because I read threads about families with young babies and toddlers and how difficult it is and I think, "You must be mad!" It just sounds so exhausting.

If DH and I were to leave it another 5 years we'd be 36 and 37 (which DH said is too old be to starting all over again) but I honestly can't bear the thought of having to cope with a baby and toddler at the same time.

Did other people feel like this?

DS has been very draining with BF and sleep issues and the thought of trying to deal with those issues all over again with a toddler on the scene does not appeal

My 5 year age gap was because dh wanted to stop at one. For the first three years or so, I couldn't face the thought of being pregnant again, then something flipped in my head and I couldn't bear the thought of only ever having one child. Then a year of tense negotiations and soul searching ensued before we eventually agreed to try for a second baby.

It's a lovely age gap though, there has been no jealousy and in practical terms it works well juggling school run with nursery etc.

On the other hand, it would have been lovely to have had them closer together and get the sleepless nights, toilet training etc out of the way quicker.

There are pros and cons to every age gap and not much point in worrying about them, I think.

I don't think I could have coped with less than five year gap! But it was a good decision for me, and the five year was quite mature when the baby came along and helped out, rather than needing babying herself. In retrospect, I wouldnt have changed it, especially when I saw the mayhem some of my friends were coping with - one had four under school age! I cant cope with crowds of people, be they adults or tinies. I don't think 36 is old for a second time around mum.

We had a five year gap as we had twins first time round and worried that a second twin pregnancy would mean four under fives!

8 years between myself and my younger brother. My mum had be stupidly young and spent a few years getting her life in order whilst I was being raised by my grandmother.

A friend has a 4 year old and is waiting a bit longer until having a second because she wants to enjoy her first child and giver it her full attention.

Everyone else I know has much smaller age gaps - sorry, not very helpful!

I have a 2 year gap between DS and dd1 then a 5 yr gap till dd2. I agree its easier to look after the baby with older more independent siblings who are toilet trained, can dress themselves, get own snacks, go to school etc etc however in the long term I think a smaller gap is preferable. DS and DD get on well playing together and they have more shared interests which makes family time easier - cinema trips, museums and so on are enjoyed by both. They have each other for company wherever we are - I feel a bit sad that dd2 won't have her own little buddy like the other 2! It's also worse going back to buggies, nappies etc when you have enjoyed the freedom of not needing them. Best to get the tough bit all over and done as quick as poss IMO ;-)

I've a 5 yr old and a 5 month old. I was 36 for the second pregnancy.
My DS (5) adores his baby sister. He did play up a little when she was born (an attention seeking thing) but that soon settled and he's been amazing. He helps out, makes her laugh and has not shown any jealousy towards her.
I love my one on one time with my dd when DS is at school. It's like having the best of both worlds.
I did notice the stress of pregnancy in my body a lot more the second time though - a lot more aches and pains!

there are 5 years'ish between mine

it took us a while to build up the courage as DC was a terrible sleeper and a demanding toddler

I took a year out maternity leave so wanted to get established in my career again

after waiting 3 years it seemed we might as well wait until the first was in school and that is how it worked out

it worked for us...they didn't have that much in common as young children but now they are teenagers they get on great

I have a seven year age gap because of postnatal depression. I wanted my eldest to be in full time school before having a second baby in case I was ill again. Also it is not always possible to get the ideal gap. In an ideal world I think 4 years would be perfect.

I think that having an eleven month old is really hard. They are mobile with no sense and teething is the pits. Once a child gets to three years old it gets a bit more fun. Potty training is not necessarily hell. Some children get it very easily in days. As children's language skills improve it gets a little easier to reason with them. (They regress at 12 years old though!)

Post natal depression here too. DS was 4 before I was anywhere near ready to consider another baby. He was 6 when Dd was born. They do argue but are very close.

DDs are 6 and 7 and I'm really considering a 3rd, sorry to hijack thread but how do the school age siblings deal with babies crying in the night? Do they just sleep through it all as I'd worry the baby would keep them up and then they'd resent it?

And how on earth do you get the school run done with a baby (not to mention going back to sleepless nights?!)

They sleep through it

and the school run is a slog but you get through it

perfectly manageable

16 years between my DSs. I was happy to have an only, but went for a second in my late 30s. Meant I didn't have to worry about juggling school runs, after school activities, mealtimes or sibling rivalry. I also have an instant babysitter in the form of DS1! He's independent so I can focus fully on DS2 as if he were an only child. I've had friends with dc who have small age gaps and I find it a bit depressing how they have to limit things like activities or compromise because one child doesn't want to do something that the other doesn't. And even DSis who has a 5 year gap between hers has to deal with them squabbling all the time - just never had to worry about that at all.

School aged siblings are surprising good at sleeping through the noise of crying babies. (Just like men really!) School children love babies and babies love school children.

Doing the school run with a baby is hard, but often you find that friends will offer to help you in the early days. There was one awful time that dd did an explosive baby poo just as I was going out the door. Ds at the age of seven ran off to school by himself while I was in the middle of changing pooy baby. Thankfully there were no roads to cross. I had to grab the baby and run after naughty ds.

Watching with interest. Dd will be almost 5 when dc2 is born. I couldn't face the thought of childbirth after the horrific experience with dd. Some counselling and time has meant I felt ready to go again.

I had my first at 36!

And then I had my second five years later, in fact 5 years and 9 days later.

It wasn't so much a choice as forced upon us by multiple miscarriages, however I would have wanted at least 3 years due to ds1 being a crap sleeper and me, therefore, being absolutely exhausted.

They do get on well and in fact share a room. They do argue of course but ds1 is very caring of ds2 as long as ds2 doesn't interfere with his Chima Lego! It's a small enough gap that they will both be at the same school together (there was 8 years 'twixt me and my sister and we were never at school together which we both felt was a shame).

On a practical side, it means only one lot of nursery fees at any one time. And luckily as nursery, work and primary school are all within 1/4 mile of each other, drop off and pick up are easy for us.

Oh, and I can count on one hand the number of times ds1 has complained about ds2 waking him up in the night.