Hi, I am wondering if anyone has any advice. It is not an end of the world situation, but my exH is quite shouty and loud at the slightest thing the children do wrong, and I am not sure what to do to minimise the effect this has on them as I think it frightens them. He loves them very much and they know that but it has come from his own upbringing (his own dad was awful, he is much better, just rough around the edges). He comes most nights to play with them/put them to bed (they are young|) so I hear it and sometimes step in with 'ok, maybe daddy didn't mean to shout so loud' (which doesn't go down well ...) as someone is crying as a result, but I feel sad about it. Do I just have to suck it up? I am not saying I never shout, I do, but he just sounds so much worse. I am not afraid he will hurt them or anything but just don't think it is the best way to deal with everything and it does sound intimidating, and it may seem ok now (to him) when they are small and don't shout back, but it will be a nightmare if he speaks to them that way when they are teenagers. We have talked about it and he says he thinks a short sharp shock works best, and I have said that I don't think shouting is a good actual 'technique' to adopt; (I do it but it isn't my chosen technique, it is when I am at the end of my tether and wouldn't be the ideal way of dealing with things).
We come from very different backgrounds and I was never ever afraid of my father and only heard him raise his voice once, whereas he always does and is kind of awkward with affection and it makes me sad for them. Sorry just feeling sorry for myself. But anyone in the same boat or ideas for making things cosier, before he arrives I try to have them all ready and everything happy so that nothing sets it off :-( Maybe it isn't that big a deal as they know they are loved very much by both of us, and I just have to get over my precious-ness, but I can't help thinking they are just wee innocent creatures and should be treated that way for as long we can ...?