Leaving the children for a week. Yes of no?

[cupcake30]

I hope you can help settle an argument between my husband and me. Last year I expressed an interest in going away, just the two of us, and suggested we go to a music festival. My husband then booked us tickets to go to the Isle Of Wight festival this June which is a 5 day event. With 6 months to go it seemed perfectly reasonable in my mind that I'd be able to leave our 4 year old daughter and almost 2 year old son (ages at the time of the break). I thought I could have our son weened from the breast (no success yet) and sleeping thought the night (he's still waking up up to six times a night). So I asked my sister tentatively if she would care for our two children in her own home for the 6 nights we'd be away and she agreed whole heartedly. She's got a daughter who will be almost three at the time of us going away and her son will be just 6 months old. She said her partner could take a weeks holiday from work and it would be fun for the kids so not to worry.
Now here we are with about 12 weeks to go and I've had a change of heart. I don't feel ready to leave my son. To me he seems no where near mature enough to cope without me for 6 nights. Our daughter is a different story, she would love to spend a week with her cousin so I'm not at all worried about her but leaving the boy is a worry. I told my sister about my concerns and she said that now the date was getting closer she was also having cold feet. Her partner couldn't get the week off so she will be looking after 4 kids under 5 alone all day and have to use public transport to get around the city if they want to go out. She said she'd still have our children because she promised, but I can tell she's not comfortable with it really. And so I told my husband I'm not going and that he could either find someone else to go with (although I may feel a bit resentful of this. We were stretching fairly hard to afford it, and anyway, why am I the one being responsible and missing out?) or we could sell the tickets and do something as a family instead. Maybe we could even go to the festival next year when the kids are a bit older but that would depend on being able to afford it around the family summer holiday anyway.
Well, to cut a long story short my husband is putting me on a huge guilt trip about how I take away everything he has to look forward to. I'm angry that he's making me feel bad for putting our children first. I think he's being selfish to want to go without me, and suggesting we leave the kids with other totally unsuitable people just so we can go off on our jollies. Am I being a kill joy? All honest responses welcome. x

Sell the tickets and use the money to have a weekend away, just the two of you still, a bit later in the year (if your sister could do that).

You're not unreasonable. It's my and dh's 10th wedding Anniversary this year when our dc will be 5 and 3. We previously had all sorts of big plans - a trip to japan, a long weekend in NYC. But now we are approaching it there is no way I can leave my nearly 3yo for that length of time so we've scaled down to one night in a local hotel. Could you take your littlest one with you and leave your older one with your sister?

Ooh I'm torn. I would be gutted if it was me, tickets bought, babysitter booked, all sorted and then it didn't happen. But I don't know if I would leave a two year old for a full week -3/4 nights without a problem but it feels a long time.

Could you go to some of the festival and come back early/arrive later?

I think it's too much to ask of your sister, she's nice to have not said an outright no with the age of her two, and your DH is being immature because he's disappointed. Sell the tickets or let him go on his own and chalk it up - remind yourselves that your dc are getting easier every year, in 2 years yoI'll have a 6 and 4 y.o., probably you just attempted this too early.

Think I'd go but for 2 or 3 nights and let DH choose whether to stay longer or not

I totally think it's too much to ask of my sister, so that's one of the main factors in my decision. Now her partner can't get the time off I think four kids under 5 on public transport is begging for an accident to happen or one of them getting lost. I trust my sister, she is a responsible person and a great parent but I don't know how she'd cope with four over excited kids. I just don't want to put her through it when she's got a 6 month old baby to look after.
My husband has just sent me a message to say sorry and suggesting we take the kids. Not sure how that will work out, but I'll look in to it. The idea of going for a couple of days is a good one but hubby thinks getting on and off the island might be difficult, and anyway, our ferries are booked.

We had similar when ours were 9 months and 3 years and we had tickets to Glastonbury. We returned the tickets. It was the right decision. I think it's too much for your sister and too hard for your toddler. Ideally you would return the tickets or failing that send DH with a mate. If you go with your original plan you might make it impossible to ask your sister again in the future.

Cupcake, could grandparents help out?

So your sister has them for say 3 days and grandparents for the remaining days?

It seems a shame not to go, especially as it was your idea in the first place.

My mum is on her own after my dad died and has two dogs who are very old and snappy. When we go round there she keeps the dogs in another room or in the garden as she's afraid they will bite our children. I did ask her for advice on the whole thing and she said she would offer to help but the dogs are too old and dangerous. My husbands mum is also alone after his dad died and oddly enough has a vicious terrier dog. She has never looked after our kids, not even for an hour. And as she has never offered, I'd never ask her in this situation. I know she'd say no.

You can wean and sleep train an almost 2 yo in 12 weeks.

Tbh I think it's good for a couple to have some child free time after the worst of the baby years are subsiding.

Part of being a good parent and doing the best for your DCs is to nurture and take care of your relationship. I think it's important for you to make some happy memories together that can carry you through the hard times.

I also want my DCs to grow up knowing there's more to us than 'mummy & daddy'.

You have a few options:
-Take the youngest with you
-find another babysitter for 1/2 DCs for part/all of the week
-hire a triple buggy for DSIS?
-cut the days of your trip to 3/4

Your DS will never remember if you go or not. Your DP will always remember the holiday together you never had.

I left my almost two year old for a month as I was working overseas. She was fine, I was fine. I adore her to bits and she is the most important thing in the world to me and it hasn't done us any harm at all.

Me and DH are contemplating a 10 day holiday without her later this year as we have the opportunity to go somewhere that she can't go / participate in (think along the lines of mountain climbing).

Family time is incredibly important to us, we're fortunate that we can have a fantastic family holiday which will totally revolve around her as well as our proposed trip. Yet we still have our own lives and interests, she has close relationships with family members - I can't see the problem yet some people do seem to raise an eyebrow ...

I don't think people should never ever be separated from their children, I just think it's not worth doing for the sake of it when you can wait a relatively short time and do it happily.

My 2.4 year old was very happy when we went on honeymoon for 2 weeks thank you julii as was I.

Op I think I would consider taking the dc with you in your situation. I can see why your dh is disappointed to be honest, but at least taking them with you is a bit of a compromise.

I think it sounds like a nice idea but leaving your sister with 4 kids that small is going to be incredibly hard work for her. I wouldn't really be able to enjoy myself knowing what a hard time my sister would be having at home!!

I think you need to listen to your sister unfort, she has clearly realised that she has taken too much on by offering. With a 6 month old of her own I am not surprised!
I agree with PP, sell the tickets and have a weekend away the two of you instead.

Take the children . Are you camping though? if so I'd upgrade to a van if you can

Yep, another one for taking the dc with you. We weren't lucky enough to get tickets for Glastonbury this year but we tried in the knowledge we'd be taking our 4yo ds and were very disappointed not to get tickets as he'll be at school next year and we won't be able to take him. Tbh I wouldn't want nearly a week without him even if we did have a willing babysitter. Your dsis sounds like a saint, there's no way I'd have 4 dc under 5 for almost a week.