First time mum, how to juggle it all?!

[LittleLady101]

Help, I feel like I'm going round the twist. My beautiful daughter is only 2 and a half weeks old and I love her soooooo much, but she only sleeps in short bursts, night and day. Because I'm bfing my partner can't help with the nightfeeds meaning I'm shattered all day. I feel guilty about the house not being as clean And tidy as it should be as before I gave birth I was very house proud and feel like visitors are now judging the comparison. She sometimes sleeps for a few broken hours during the day in which time I either try and nap myself or quickly have a bowl of cereal as that's all I have time to do myself, but I feel like instead I should be cleaning but just too tired to motivate myself. I was just wondering if anyone had any tips on either how to juggle it all. I've tried expressing milk so that my fiancé can help me with nights but I've not been very successful with the pumps and hand expressing just takes too long and before I've had the chance to get much out she's up and awake and hungry again anyway so has to latch on.
Please help, and suggestions welcome!

Lower your standards or get a cleaner.

Don't stress the mess, enjoy the snuggly cuddles. You'll never get this time back so relax and enjoy it.

Try to let it go. Ask for help with cleaning from your family. I assume your fiancé is still doing his fair share - he could do your chores too while you focus on the baby.

Congratulations

My coping strategy -

1. Buy a calendar and work out when your dd will be 6 months old, circle the date.
2. Don't worry about state of housework until that day.

Obviously you will have to consider the things you need to do each day (food prep and cleaning up after etc.) but don't worry about none absolute essential tasks. It's hard to swallow your pride, but the most important thing to remember is that it won't last long. It's not a competition, and the state of the house is not an indication of how good you are as a parent. Good luck with the basics... Look into getting a sling - nct caboo carrier I recommend.

Do u have a sling or baby bjorn?
At this age they'll just sleep for short bursts as their tummies are only size of a walnut (I saw a chart somewhere on Pinterest)
So basically pretend you're a tigress looking after your cub and feet up, snuggle, lower your clean house standards or shove stuff in a cupboard when guests come.
And sleep nap when she naps

Meaning their tummies are tiny so will need refilling often hence the lack of lonnnnnnng sleeps

youll never get this time back and youll never wish youd spent it cleaning! At 2 weeks, if everyones clean and fed youre doing a sterling job dont really have any tips because at 4 months my house is still a tip and its really winding me up, but accept help wherever it appears and develop a thick skin because it really doesnt matter what other people think of your house! and i would leave giving the baby bottles yet if youre bfing unless you need to, as it could hinder your bfing. im sure youre doing fine!

Why can't your DF do the cleaning if he can't help with feeds?

You should be a team and with a tiny baby you shouldn't be worrying about juggling it all but both working together to keep the show on the road.

Forget house work
No-one visits without doing something - makes a cup of tea and a sandwich, quick bit of washing up etc, or they bring something you need (bread, milk etc)
Sleep when DD sleeps - the first few weeks, you adjust to 24 hour living, don't take any notice of the time.
Make use of your DP - shower when he gets home and can take DD for a few minutes.
When/if you or DP cooks do double and freeze half. You can defrost a portion for lunch. Or get DP to make some sandwiches you can put in the fridge to eat during the day. BFing takes a lot of calories - you need to eat properly during the day, or you will be even more exhausted.
Good luck, and enjoy these first few weeks when you can just spend time cuddling you lo on the sofa - they don't last long

The first few weeks are about embracing the strangeness and lack of routine and accepting that you exist to feed, clean and cuddle the baby. Of course you are too knackered to keep up the cleaning, but you need to conserve your energy. No one visiting someone with a tiny baby should give a shit about the state of it. I also don't like living in an untidy environment but also I knew there was no alternative. Treat like a weird holiday from normal life. Get your partner to do the jobs that have to be done (washing up, washing clothes, basic kitchen cleanliness). Get a basket you can sling all the baby stuff that isn't being used to make it a bit tidier if that helps. It seems like forever but by 3-4 months you may well be much more in the swing of things and babies often quickly settle into their own little routine where you can predict when they'll need to feed, nap etc. Your boobs are just learning to produce milk and how much, so try expressing in a couple of weeks. I think the only way to get through is to majorly adjust your expectations of how much you ought to be doing, life will settle down but you will be miserable if you don't just let yourself focus entirely on the baby, that's your job for now! If you do want to be able to move around while baby sleeps, get a stretchy sling to attach her to you so she can sleep on your chest but you can move around, it's amazingly helpful. Congratulations!

It gets easier and time flies. Make sure visitors help out and don't just steal your cuddles, you get used to sorting washing quickly, eating quickly, showering quickly... make sure you are eating well, that's far more important than tidying! You need to keep your strength up. Once the feeds get less often and the sleeps get a bit longer, work out a system like one nap you nap, next nap you eat/tidy etc. If the baby will only sleep on someone use a sling or carrier or ask family/friends to help. Everyone loves a snoozy baby.. I have my 13 week old asleep on me currently. Have got my feet up watching telly with a flask of tea!

Cleaninf can wait. Get some sleep.

Thanks, everyone seems to be saying the same thing about letting cleaning slide so I guess it's pretty normal to feel this way then? I do have a sling thing that I use when I take the dog for a walk everyday. My partner is a good dad when he gets home from work he wants to hold and cuddle her, but he's also tired from being at work all day so I feel bad about asking him to do things. He does do some stuff without me asking through, but there's still a lot left to do.

Entirely normal. I like the idea of treating it like a holiday from normal life. Normality will resume soon enough so, hard as it sounds, enjoy being messy and lying and snuggling and feeding. Your dd will grow up and develop so quickly and believe me you won't be able to snuggle a very energetic toddler so easily! Well done for getting this far. It's a very challenging time for everyone.

Hello and congratulations! Here's how I got through the first few months:

1. Online shopping - buy lots of easy-to-cook / healthy ready meals and healthy snacks that you can eat with one hand. You'll have so much laundry to do, you don't want to be washing up pots and pans if you don't have to.

1. Get a cleaner once a week. It felt like a luxury as we only have a 2-bedroom flat, but it was a huge help for me. We only stopped this when DD was 3 months old and suddenly became less demanding.

1. Wear the baby in a sling. Bonus: learn to breastfeed in a sling. See Youtube tutorials.

1. Forget your other commitments. Your only job is to cuddle and feed and care for the baby!

When I first had dd my aunty came round with a tub of snacks, large water bottle and a dvd box set.

She told me my priority was eating well, sleeping whenever I had the opportunity day or night, and establishing breastfeeding (if I wanted to, which I did).

She came into the house most days (mum not alive anymore so took her role) and wiped down the surfaces and threw the Hoover around. I got easy nutritious meals from her and other friends and everyone looked past the mess (or loaded the dishwasher if they did notice).

It got easier at 4 weeks when dd was sleeping a bit more reliably and feeding less frequently, and easier again at 3 months when she started sleeping for longer stretches and napping in the cot.

If the housework is getting you down, do get DH to help with the areas stressing you out, or pay for a cleaner, you'll both be tired but it doesn't take too much effort to do the basics. It's tough when you can see it, feel responsible for it, but don't have the opportunity to do anything about it.

Sleep deprivation is a killer, and it's the build up over time as well as day to day, so don't push yourself or you'll really struggle in a month or two.

" but he's also tired from being at work all day so I feel bad about asking him to do things. "

This is your issue. You are thinking as if your partner is working all day and you are doing nothing. You are not doing nothing. You are very, very busy. Just as busy as him. More busy as him because your shift is 24 hours long.

Change that mindset and that will get easier.

If you are the sort that likes books, I recommend 'What Mothers Do'.

Remember that the reason many of our Grandmas kept a sparking home with babies is that they were parked out the front or at the bottom of the garden in the silver cross for four hours between feeds.

Thanks, I did read quite a lot before so I might give that one a go. I know I'm probably being too harsh on myself, but I just don't want anyone to think that I'm a failure who can't keep on top of things. My other half's mum is lovely but I do feel like I'm secretly being judged against how she would do things. Even with my mum a little. But I also know things will get easier when DD has established a proper sleep pattern, so just got to hold in until then I suppose :)

If you feel you are being judged by older women OP, the thing to remember is that most people's memory of the newborn stage is hazy at best. Heck, my eldest is 6 and my youngest not yet 1. A friend asked me recently a few questions about "how did you manage to do X when DS was tiny" and I could not remember. I literally couldn't remember what routine I used to get out the door on the school run, or how I got a meal together.

Multiply that by the years and remember that anyone judging how they were with a baby is probably pretty much remembering a 6-9 month old (bit more settled, not yet moving and causing chaos!).

The book is by Naomi Stadlen. Without getting my feminist soapbox out toooo much, part of it is how we don't have the language for explaining what mother's do. How, when asked what we did in a day, we are used to being able to say "Well, I went for a swim in the morning, then I made a lasagne, read the paper and went to the cinema in the evening". A day with a baby doesn't have that easy to itemise rhythm (unless you get a super easy baby) and we don't have a way to value that time. So we feel we are 'letting the side down' and don't realise just how busy we've been. We set ourselves up to be a parent AND do all the chores. Which is a recipe for a nervous breakdown as a first time mum with a tiny newborn.

You sound like you are doing brilliantly.

DH does some cleaning. He can't feed her much (as pumping is slow) so that's his help for me!
My mum lives near and likes to play with dd so she comes round and I either use the extra hands to do some chores or much needed shower etc.
I've also lowered my standards. Clean is good enough: tidy is extra!

...and my dd is 5 months old!
I'm quite a pfb mum so find it v hard to do chores with baby there, I'd rather be tending, playing or taking her out.

Your partner goes out to work and works hard all day.

You stay at home looking after your little one and work hard all day.

You have both worked hard all day.

So you should at the very least both equally share the household chores.

However you will also be working hard all night! So there is an argument for him helping out even more when he gets home.

It's all about teamwork!