Boastful child - really starting to grate on my nerves

[2stixoftwix]

My dd 10 has a sometimes friend who I have grown to dislike immensely.
ever since I have know this girl she has bragged about everything.

She does dance with my daughter - when the got their certificates both got merits, but the friend was keen to point out that she got more points.
Just sat exams, the friend beat my dd in reading and english and made sure my dd (and the class knew about it).
Everytime there is a school show on this girl is always in the lead part.
This girl lives in an amazing house, and knows it - we went round for a bbq and saw her skipping around saying 'oh what a lucky girl I am'
She has her birthday in a couple of weeks and made sure that all the people that weren't invited knew that they were going to alton towers for the day

It was a minor annoyance but bearable until last week when I found out that she had been selected to dance in a competition and would therefore be missing a drama club on a Saturday morning that my dd and she both attends.
This girl has the lead part in a show coming up at Easter, but will be missing most of the lesson each week, so it has been agreed that she could come in 30 mins earlier to get to do her part.
I have now been told that my dd also has to get in 30 mins earlier so they can rehearse together, as this girl won't be there later on.
This is a major problem for me, as far as I'm concerned if my dd wasn't able to attend the rehearsals she should give up her part to someone who could.

How do I deal with this ?, I am trying not to make comments to anyone but this golden child is everywhere, she's full of confidence, pretty, can sing, dance, great at drama, clever at lessons, amazing at art, her teachers love her as she's picked for everything.
Whilst my dd is shy, unconfident, and quiet doesn't put herself forward (she knows she won't get picked - her words) average at lessons

Help !!!!!

Are you annoyed at this little girl because she's annoying? Or are you annoyed at her because she's "better" than your DD?

Please please please don't compare the two girls. You need to love your little girl, and make sure she knows it. The more boastful her friend is, the more you need to demonstrate your unconditional love for your own daughter. The more shy she becomes, the more you need to tell her you love her regardless of her achievements.

I speak from a bit of personal experience. My mother used to always compare me to my best friend. We were both top in class and had a wide range of hobbies, but my mother thought she'd try to foster a sense of "healthy competition" to try to get me to achieve more. It didn't work. It caused all sorts of psychological problems in me and led to some sort of breakdown in my university years.

Being the lead in a primary school show won't have any impact on her future. Having a good personality and a strong sense of self-worth will.

Love your daughter and be happy with who she is, irrespective of anyone else.

She's 10 right?

Please stop letting this child annoy you so.

Im annoyed because she is annoying.

I don't think she is better in anyway than my dd and I don't ever compare her and say (or even think), I wish you were more like .....

Because I'm glad she isn't like her at all, this child is so boastful, gets everything she wants but everytime I see her she has to make a little comment, a little dig not only at my dd, but other girls as well.

And now that I have had to change my whole saturday morning to accommodate her needs it just makes my blood boil.

Ignore me, just ranting !!!!!

I think you have to remind yourself that a boastful child is rarely an entirely happy child. If she really is so completely contented and confident why does she need everybody's attention/approval?

All kids boast to a certain extent of course, but a lot of kids who are extremely boastful are actually a bit unhappy or insecure about something. Apart from anything else being seen as the 'golden child' is a hell of a lot of pressure on a young child's shoulders. Dancing, drama, art, excelling academically. That's a heck of a lot of work for a 10 year old.

Having to change your Saturday morning IS annoying but adults have made that decision NOT the 10 year old girl. She doesn't have the power to change your morning, it's the leader of drama club you should be cross with.

How do I deal with this ?, I am trying not to make comments to anyone but this golden child is everywhere, she's full of confidence, pretty, can sing, dance, great at drama, clever at lessons, amazing at art, her teachers love her as she's picked for everything.

She can't help any of this. If the school is picking her for everything, pick it up with them if you feel it's unfair.
If she's making digs or horrible comments about your daughter or other children then that's a different matter entirely which you can pick up with her in an appropriate way if you're the supervising adult in the situation. But I do feel a bit sorry for her, she really can't help being pretty or clever and talented in other areas that make the school or her clubs choose her for things.

I'd say my dd wasn't available at the time to suit the other girl and ask that she had a different dance partner.

Yes be annoyed at the adults who are stupidly putting pressure on this girl or encouraging this 'golden child' status.

It's not her fault. On one hand if she is talented then she deserves a chance to develop her skills. On the other hand extreme boastfulness can be a sign of insecurity.

Are her parents pushing their dreams and insecurity onto her?

She's 10 years old, she hasn't got an adult filter in what she says. If she skips around saying saying 'I'm lucky' etc it's because she's feeling that, she's probably got no concept that she's being 'annoying' as you say. I was quite a boastful child when I was young but it's because I never shut up had no idea of what I was saying in terms of how it affected other people. She'll probably learn that. I am not a boastful adult :) and as others say, if adults are giving her the lead in shows etc that's up to them, she's not controlling that. Children can have domineering friends, but it doesn't sound like she's bullying your daughter, or trying to lead her into trouble. There will always be people in life who seem to get by much easier than you, you just need to teach her that it's not a problem and she is doing well herself, and that envy isn't a helpful thing to feel.

Yes, like Harriet, I'd say that my DD wasn't available. I wouldn't get too annoyed at the boastful little girl, but all the same, I wouldn't overturn my schedule for her either.

I also would not be changing any plans unless it suits you and your daughter.