When do DC1s come back to you?

[flipflopsonfifthavenue]

Feeling a bit nostalgic.

DS1 is 2.7yo, recently potty trained (pretty straight forward), in a big bed (so far so good, seems to love it) and on his first balance bike (loving it even more!)

DS2 is 16wks and since he's been born it's felt on occasion like DP and I are single parents sharing a house, me with DS2 and him with DS1.

DP does DS1's bedtime, reads stories, gets up with him if he wakes at night, gets up with him in the morning, makes him breakfast and takes him to nursery two days a week.

I feel totally excluded. I know deep down this is all temporary and he loves us both equally but I miss my little boy. I have both of them two days a week and we have fun but I never feel I'm having real time with DS1 as obviously there's DS2 to feed/nap etc and I'm always distracted by day to day logistics.

I know it'll get easier as DS2 gets older/weaned/can spend longer away from me etc but in the meantime it just feels forever since it was just me and DS1 spending real time together.

I guess truth is it'll never just be us again and that'll take time to adjust to. But sometimes I feel like that closeness we had has gone and it's really DS2 who needs me now.

I know rationally that this is all normal but in a tired night like tonight feels a bit like I've lost something a little bit

I'm in a very similar situation to you, and I know exactly what I mean. I miss my DS too.
I try to make sure that I make a fuss of DS1 when I can. When I'm on my own with them both, it's little snippets when DD is asleep or on her mat (etc) and at the weekend I hand DD over to DH between feeds and spend an hour or so playing exclusively with DS. We do stuff altogether too as I'm keen not To keep things too separate.

It doesn't always work and sometimes the above is more of a plan than a reality IYSWIM but I do try !

A friend of mine with older DCs, does the occasional one on one days with each child, which I think is a nice idea.

Yes it's not all bad, weekends we do stuff all together and DP and take turns carrying DS2 in sling etc. I do get odd shirt trips with DS1 maybe just to shops etc or a bit of baking. Also working in DS2 taking a bottle.

I never entirely feel relaxed though and always at back of my mind is DS2. Which of course is how it should be - I have two kids now!
Have already planned to have days off with DS1 when DS2 starts nursery in November and I go back to work

Again, I know what you mean. There's a little bit of me that feels a little bit guilty whoever I'm with!

Sometimes it feels like when I'm with DS1 I'm acting like a cheating partner who's being over the top affectionate and attentive to disguise guilt of having been with another til a few moments ago...!

Parenting fucks with your mind...!!

Ah I'm dreading feeling like this, DD2 is due in July when DD will be 20 months and I'm so worried she'll think I'm neglecting her!

I try to think of the ways Having his sister has enriched DS's life. He really loves his sister. It's lovely to see. He gives her kisses and cuddles and brings her toys if she's crying.

I've had a bit of this, but from a different starting point as ds has always been a daddy's boy. Dd is now ten months and I think we're finding a new equilibrium as a family in the last few weeks. What makes it hard for me is that ds rarely asks for me - but I'm learning the signs that suggest he needs me, and trying to preempt them if possible. You do feel torn in two sometimes though!

I must try and fit one on one time in with ds, his sister certainly gets a lot of it. It's amazing sometimes seeing them play together and generally interact. Ds is a brilliant big brother and all the stress and crap has been worth It. And believe me, I never thought I'd say that!

I don't think they ever come back to you, but equally think they never leave you.
Parenting needs just change as they grow to be more independant.
The good news is you are the first person they call with good and bad news when they leave home.
They need you all the way through their lives, its just the needs change and you have to adjust with each change.