Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Dummy guilt for my newborn

14 replies

MrsCK · 02/03/2015 14:35

He is 3 weeks old and mix fed. mainly bf with the occasional top up. feel guilty enough about that but for the past two days he has wanted to constantly feed. Every hour. leaving me with no sleep and him constantly wanting more. last night I gave him a dummy and it instantly soothed him but I was a wreck. I desperately want to bf and really don't want to cause nipple confusion however I'm beyond exhausted. have I done the right thing? what other options are there?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

clearasmud · 02/03/2015 14:44

My two pence worth....
How long did it soothe him for ie. Did it really soothe him or did you have to feed him shortly thereafter?

I had a thumb sucker first and then second child was a dummy sucker. In my opinion it gave them the comfort they needed, they were better off with it.
The trouble with a dummy is that until around 6 months of age they can't pop it back in when it falls out so you'll still be getting up for that until you teach them how to find it but it was easier for me to do that than get up to feed constantly.

There will be many opinions on this and what is right or wrong to do. Do what works for you!

clearasmud · 02/03/2015 14:48

Meant to add that second child (dummy sucker) was excl breast fed and there was no nipple confusion. Having said that, I can't recall now the information about nipple confusion using dmmies and breast feeding (it's been 5 years).

Original poster

MrsCK · 02/03/2015 14:55

Ok thank you. I don't think the guilt is worth it at all. I'm sat here in tears again because I feel like I'm letting him down all the time.

I want to be able to read his hunger cues and see his facial expressions and for me to be the one to comfort him rather than a piece of plastic.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Families General parenting

BMO · 02/03/2015 15:00

Babies like dummies, it's fine - it's ridiculous to feel guilt about comforting your baby! If he's hungry he'll spit the dummy out.

MrsMeeple · 02/03/2015 15:00

Mine both had really strong suck reflexes, so that it HURT. I stuck with BF, but I couldn't have let them comfort suck. I never had any problems with supply, so can't give an opinion where that is a concern. But both mine had dummies from 2 weeks, when I saw that sucking on a finger comforted them. And I always offered food if I thought they might be hungry. We had BF issues, but I don't believe they related to nipple confusion. They were fine with dummies.

You're not letting him down. Babies cry, you are comforting him. If a dummy and a cuddle comforts him - then you are making him feel happy and safe by providing that.

It's really hard in those first weeks. Hormones, exhaustion. Don't be hard on yourself. Rest and cuddle and hang in there!

nottheOP · 02/03/2015 15:05

Of all the things to feel guilty about, a dummy isn't one of them. Ime, if they're comfort sucking, a dummy is good. If they're hungry, they'll let you know!! If it becomes a problem, you just throw them away. It's better than thumb sucking for that reason imo

If you're happy mixed feeding, do it. Really, no one asks how you were fed as an infant when you're at secondary school. If you want to ebf, try breastfeeding groups, lll etc.

You are just in the survival stages. Whatever gets you through this tough part. A messy house,slings, dummies, car journeys to get a nap. They've all been done.

Please be kind to yourself. You're doing your best and it is good enough.

NoraRobertsismyguiltypleasure · 02/03/2015 15:07

I also never wanted to give a dummy, but i also didn't want to have to use my breasts as the only comfort. My DD had a dummy at about 4 weeks, just when I knew she was tired and not hungry. She was ebf until 6 months and continued bf until 16 months and she never had any problem. She dumped the dummy for sleep at 8 months and we then had to cuddle to sleep for a few months, but it was fine.

clearasmud · 02/03/2015 15:38

OP, you're not letting him down. If he's hungry the dummy wont satisfy him for long.
You're still figuring all of this out, it will come. Don't be too hard on yourself.

AndHarry · 02/03/2015 16:04

You're doing fine OP. One of my DC had a dummy, the other didn't. Both breastfed forever until we started weaning with no problems.

Lauramum23 · 02/03/2015 16:09

I bf all my 3 they all had dummies from week 1 it made them happy and content. Don't feel guilty-babies suckle for comfort! You are making him happy, either that or he will be permanently attached to you!? And that's gonna make you feel worse keep up your good work as a new mum xx

gincamelbak · 02/03/2015 21:39

Just wanted to suggest something different - my baby was 3wks on Friday. Thursday night he barely slept, Friday night slightly better, Saturday unsettled and wanting to feed a lot then yesterday he fed like some sort of maniac. He's bf and was going barely 1.5/2hrs between feeds with mammoth feeds of about 3hrs in the middle of the night.

I'm 99% certain it was a growth spurt. I remember from DD around that age she went through the same (I remember as PIL were staying and MIL kept telling me to make up a bottle, how did I know DD was getting enough milk and other things that didn't help).

Definitely don't feel guilty about dummies or how you feed the baby. It's really early days and you will find what works best.

Also, traditionally the next growth spurt is around 6 wks. I remember walking back from the 6wk check from the doctors with DD and went home via the chemist where I bought two packs of dextrose energy tablets and hoofed one pack back on the walk home. I was so knackered and exhausted after that one too.

rosedavo · 02/03/2015 22:01

Theres so much conflicting information out there, i reckon just do what suits you (your breast feeding as well as giving formula, but dont feel guilty because they're still getting breastmilk!). If a dummy helps then why not, i think its only a problem when kids still have them when there like 8...

And you can change your mind, if it works for you then do it for abit then stop if you decide to

Original poster

MrsCK · 03/03/2015 10:19

gin that's exactly how it's been for us too. I think me being beyond exhausted didn't help to me feeling guilty!

so I have a theory the only reason he is topping up with formula at night is because it's something to suckle on and he's not actually hungry. last night I gave the dummy and the only top up he needed was at 1 am when DH couldn't wake me properly so fed him a top up bottle instead. he's still feeding very frequently though I'm putting this down to a growth spurt!

OP posts:

capsium · 03/03/2015 10:22

The hospital staff gave my baby a dummy in the SCBU, saying 'Hope you don't mind'. I breast fed. It wasn't a problem.

Flip