Should I feel guilty

[Peachyplumx]

Hi ladies,

Looking for some advice/ outsiders perspective.

My youngest is 18months and since being in nursery after my maternity finished he's unwell regularly, where either I can't take him to nursery and family are unable to help and I must take time off of work, other times the nursery have called me in saying he's unwell and I've had to leave work. Never has my partner had to take time off of his work so I've just had a week off on annual leave for the kids break from school, and on Saturday when my baby was staying with my parents became poorly AGAIN, I was off Monday and my mother had him Tuesday my grandmother was supposed to have him tomorrow but called this evening explaining she was unwel

So to the point, I got upset because I'm scared I will lose my job if I carry on taking all these sick days, never mind lose money, and it just got on top of me, my partner then reluctantly offered to take a day off!! I should be happy right? But no I'm feeling guilty as hell and I don't know why, I said thanks to him I appreciate it, yet I don't know why! Because it's his job too? I feel terrible and I'm thinking about just letting him go to work and i just take the day off?

Should I? Why am I feeling guilty?

I have no idea why you would be feeling guilty about this. Days off to look after children should be shared as equally as they can be.

Yes, it's his job too.

FGS don't feel guilty. You need to be having a little chat about splitting sick days 50/50, in fact.

Is he making you feel guilty somehow?

He's not made me feel guilty, I do most of the parenting, he earns more money so therefore will lose more money but at the same time my job is important to me and I don't want to jeopardise it will all the kids sick days, I don't think my son has ever had a full month at nursery there's always some bug going round and he's the first to catch it thanks ladies

Is it definite that he would lose a days pay? Some companies pay for time off to look after dependants. Its worth checking his companies policies for what they say about this. And indeed your company as well.

No dont feel guilty, parenting is up to both of u! If hes getting ill so much maybe ask docs to check his imune system is as it should be x

I'm not sure why you feel guilty, sometimes DHs need to get involved more.

Consider it a one off and thank him lots, you never know he might enjoy it!

Peach I completely get what you're saying. I have a 5wo DS and whenever I accept DH offer to take care of him, I feel guilty. Took me a while to put my finger on what was happening. Like it's proof I'm not superwoman and magicmother and I can't do it by myself so I'm a failure. i.e. I wouldn't ask DH to take time off so that I can do something else for a couple of hours. I would rather ask another woman.
I sound like a 50's housewife but I was very surprised to have such feelings. I think now they are automatic thoughts brought on by the fact that my DGM has always been the only one dealing with kids stuff and my DF was not around for most of my childhood so my DM was again the only parenting figure. I'm now actively trying to rebalance the share of the care between DH and me, we've had a conversation about why it's hard for me to let go, he was very understanding. Good luck.