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Are they out of control or am I too controlling?

2 replies

2teenageboys · 23/02/2015 10:15

Hi, not too sure what I am looking fore but, I am finding it hard to accept some of my almost 18 year old sons behaviours and decisions. We have been struggling to get him to understand the responsibility of paying his bills (car insurance, gas, and his school trip for grad). Work cut his hours and he only works 10 hours a week that is combIned as he does have 2 jobs. Hes not willing to find something else that could potentially give him more hours. He has failed a dipolma exam at school. He picked up the materials to redo the course thru moduals but has failed to start them. Grad is in May. I have told him he needs to get it done or he wont graduate with his friends. This seems to have no effect. We asked him his plans for the future (ie school or work) putting emphasis on either decision. Ie school he has to pay for books while we take care of tuituion. Or if he works fulltime he needs to pay rent. Which his father and I have agreed will be put away for him for future use. But he doesnt want to make a decision. He seems more interested in not having a curfew, going to parties, socializing, etc. just this weekend we lifted his curfew and now hes out all night on a school night with his girlfriend, he got a ticket for distracted driving but his phone was cut off by myself so now we have that to fight, and he hit a friends car while loosing control on ice by lack of proper driving skills. He didnt do any damage but felt terrible about it. My boy has usually been a good kid but i am frustrated of late with these decisions. I feel he doesnt think there are consequences or reprcussions to his actions. I try to sleep only to wake up in a panic of where he is and what hes doing. I feel i want to control but know i have to let him grow up. In someways i think he may never move out if he finds things too comfortable that Mummy and Daddy will always bail him out. Which is not the case.....we cant afford it! Is this a phase? I am not sure?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
squizita · 23/02/2015 13:46

If you're expecting him to work more than 10 hours a week on top of full time 6th form (are you in the UK? Why would he be graduating from school?) it might explain the poor grades. A levels, BTEC and IB all hold an expectation of home study time that would be prohibitive with over 10+ hours work and attending school.
It sounds like he might be trying to escape from it all with a bit of teenage rebellion tbh.

Stardustnight · 23/02/2015 16:37

I think he is very young, and has a lot of expectations on him. Most 18 year olds are only interested in parties and so on.

Having said that, he does need to make a decision about his future but I think you need to give him space to do that - standing over him saying 'well make your mind up: at home you have to pay rent and ...' isn't really likely to lead to an informed decision. Once he's made a decision, that's when the time to discuss who is paying what comes.

It sounds as if you're expecting a fully fledged adult: he isn't one, yet!

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