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Original poster

child next door did this... ADVICE please

24 replies

hermykne · 24/10/2006 18:47

we have 2 little girls as neighbours
child A had the day offtoday so she called for my dd , who is a year younger to play, so thats fine, she is a nice child and they play well together.
child B arrives home this evening and calls with child A for my dd . child B tell child A to say to my dd "to stop calling at child b's house for her" "shes not allowed too". my dd doesnt call for them in either instance shes too yung to go out.

so i overhear this and "tackle child b promptly at my door, the bottom lip went and she started to cry ish, in my tackling i said i would have to tell her mum and dad if i heard it happening again.

prequel - on sunday my dd came running into the house crying because child A had told her she was a F*** for knocking over her crayons. she didnt knock them, and told me "thats a bold word"

I tackled child A today when she called and she told me child B told her to say it.
so is this a wee case of bullying - forgive me for saying this but child B is an only child.

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Original poster

hermykne · 24/10/2006 18:50

should read "stop calling a child A's house"

OP posts:

Raggydoll · 24/10/2006 18:50

hard to follow - but presumably you have a problem with child b?

Raggydoll · 24/10/2006 18:51

how old are they

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Original poster

hermykne · 24/10/2006 18:51

mine is 4 and the other two are just 5

OP posts:

Original poster

hermykne · 24/10/2006 18:52

sorry for the hard to follow thing, typing off the top of my head

OP posts:

TwigTwoolett · 24/10/2006 18:53

involve all the parents and get them to deal with their respective children

Raggydoll · 24/10/2006 18:58

dont worry - as a one off i wouldnt be too bothered tbh, I think a lot of this goes on in friendships (a two's company, threes a crowd type scenario) and some kids don't like their friends to have other friends iykwim - however, what I did would probably be based on what i already thought of child a and b. for instance if i thought child b was generally a nice kid i would probably ignore it - however if i thought she was a snot drop of a child i would take sterner action - sorry i realise this post probably isnt that helpful - what are you considering doing??

Original poster

hermykne · 24/10/2006 19:00

i suppose i have to mention it to the parents, child a - no problem , parents are lovely but the other one they might be a bit precious her being an only child,
maybe the tears and threat of telling her mum and dad will put a stop to it thou.

OP posts:

pointyfangedWeredog · 24/10/2006 19:38

All sounds fairly normal kid stuff to me. I don't really understand why you felt you had to intervene after overhearing the first comment. Do you not want your child to play with child b?

Original poster

hermykne · 24/10/2006 20:06

pointy fang - my dd came in crying on sunday because she was told she did something she didnt do and was a f***. these incidents are instigated by the same child. so my problem is i dont think its on at all for her to ring the doorbell of my house at 6.10pm and get another child to say at her command "go on say it to her" to my dd - and the other child says "dont call for me anymore youre not allowed". whilst i stand at the hall door to watch over the door opening. do you think thats fair and dandy in the world of 4/5yr olds? add 4 years to thier ages and would you accept it.

my question is how to deal with the child and her behaviour and is there a need to discuss with parents which i hope there isnt.
my dd is very honest so why should i let someone do that to her at her front door?

OP posts:

moaningpaper · 24/10/2006 20:11

Can't you just stop them from playing together?

Original poster

hermykne · 24/10/2006 20:15

but you see she wasnt playing with the naughty one today - the naughty one came knocking the door because she was jealous or something that she wasnt there today but in her school. obviuously child A told her my dd was in her house.

she doesnt really get out to play with them that often now the evening s are geting darker and they are at school for longer than my dd.

OP posts:

Raggydoll · 24/10/2006 20:22

this actually happened to me when i was about 8. i was like your dd - i don't know what went on but the parents of child A also didnt like B so I presume my parents and her parents engineered a friendship between me and A.

CountessDracula · 24/10/2006 20:25

so 2 5 year olds are roaming the streets on their own?

Bizarre..

Original poster

hermykne · 24/10/2006 20:26

yeah countess thats another thing!! baffles me too.
i am moving next spring and that factor is expediting our move!

OP posts:

Mala · 24/10/2006 20:53

I think these sort of things occur at this age. Sounds like child B is jealous and does not want child A to play with your child. I would not be happy with the sort of language being used, though not sure what you could do about it unless you actually heard child B saying something yourself and then you could just step in.

Have to say though that I am a bit disappointed that you mentioned child B is an only child. My dd is an only child and it makes me sad that people will judge her behaviour on this as she is no worse than her friends who do have siblings.

LucyJones · 24/10/2006 20:55

was thinking the same thing as Mala tbh

Original poster

hermykne · 24/10/2006 22:34

mala the reason i m ention the only child thing is i am afraid her parents will feel, if it came to having to talk to them re the language thing, that i was picking on her because she is exactly that and shes their child and i dont know if they would take on baord my conerns.
whereas i know my other neighbours will say well X can pick stuff up from her older brother and would be totally accomodating and understanding.
as i have had conversations with them over child things at parties etc.
my 2 bil have only kids so its not alien to me the situations.

OP posts:

BadHair · 24/10/2006 22:48

Don't worry about the only child thing. I am an OC and believe me, if someone told my parents about some perceived misbehaviour on my part, they were down on me like a ton of bricks. My friends all had siblings and they all got away with sooooo much more than I ever did. Similarly, I was harder on ds1 when he was my only child than I ever have been with ds2, although now it's evened out and my standards concerning both of themhave definitely dropped!
Only children are not usually spoilt and their parents can often have higher standards for their behaviour than those with multiple children. Don't be afraid to speak with them - they could well have no idea that their sole offspring is behaving in this way.

Mala · 24/10/2006 23:01

hermykne - I feel that any child's behaviour is due to a combination of the child's personality, their surroundings and the parents parenting style. Some parents are receptive to other people pointing out their childs faults whereas others might take that as a personal insult. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that the child is an only or has siblings. More to do with how sensitive the parents are. Ofcourse if you imply to child B's parents that you feel that her behaviour is due to her being an only, they probably will become defensive. But if you tell child A and child B's parents that you have encountered problems with both and how best do you think you could all resolve that, really don't see how that could be a problem.
Honestly I sympathise with your situation as my dd has been in something similar and I find that at this age three children playing together is quite hard and one always seems to be left out. It's just from your post I felt that you were attributing child B's behaviour to her being an only child, whereas I have seen this occur with children with siblings and feel that this has no relevance on the situation. If you feel child B's parents are unapproceable, this could just be because that is the sort of people they are and nothing to do with the fact that they have one child or 10.

bogwobbit · 24/10/2006 23:18

Personally I think it sounds like pretty standard behaviour for 5 year olds and I would butt out and ignore it. Fair enough say something to child B at the time, which you did, but I wouldn't stress over it and I wouldn't bother going to speak to her parents either. Anyway what's to say that child A isn't lying and told your dd she was a f* on her own intitiative.

babe1 · 25/10/2006 19:10

Oh yay I do love a good debate!! Ladies! Corners please!! I'm with CountessDracula on the 5 year olds out on their own thing. Madness.
Tricky, this one. I had a similar situation with my 10 year old seeing unsuitable friends who were also neighbours. I just kept making excuses every time they called, and then resorted to being quite obvious that I didn't want my dd to play with them. You do what you have to do.

For the record, I think there will be differences in how only children relate to other children. It's only to be expected.

pointyfangedWeredog · 25/10/2006 20:44

We're talking about 5 year olds calling on a neighbour at 6pm. Hardly out roaming the streets on their own.

babe1 · 25/10/2006 21:25

Okay, pointyfangedweredog, it's obviously a matter of opinion, but personally, I don't think 5 year olds should be calling on a neighbour at 6 p.m. or anytime, they're just too young. At this time of year, it gets dark suddenly and early, and they could always wander off further away. It only takes a moment for a child to be taken. Fortunately, these incidences are rare, but sadly, they do happen. They're little more than babies at that age. My three are 7, 6 and 10. None of them go out on their own, or together. I'm starting to give my eldest a little more independence, as she'll be starting secondary school next year. The younger two aren't out of my sight, they're just too young.

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