Husbands temper with DS

[diamonds4me]

Hi ladies, I'm looking for some advice regarding how to deal with the way my DH deals with my DS behaviour.

My little boy is 19months old and is going through a phase of hitting and head butting if he doesn't get his way, this is obviously unpleasant and sometimes it can really hurt. But I see it as a very frustrating phase that just needs to be dealt with consistency and calm. I have and I am currently reading toddler behaviour books, and looking up different methods such as naught step, distraction, happy parenting and I often discuss these techniques with DH and when we could possibly try some techniques we both agree on.

However, DH has a bit of a temper, I am no saint and I'm not admitting that I am, but when DS hits like today, my DH shouts at him "DONT hit," and points at his face, and it's loud and scary, if I then say "don't be scary or aggressive, just be calm" he then says "well you know everything, how about I won't do anything and you deal with all the behaviour!"

It's becoming a bit of an issue with us that then leads to us arguing, it's really hard. Any advice?

I know how you feel. DH has a temper too. But it's never threatening - by which I mean, he never actually says athg nasty or turns against DS. DH is from a culture where shouting is normal. We have had so many arguments about this, all amounting to nothing. I try to minimize it by telling DS that Daddy is a shouty person, but it doesn't mean anything. DS seems completely unaffected by Daddy's shouting ( as I said, it's never nasty or vicious). If I shout, however, which I rarely do, DS is in bits. I think kids can tell the difference between " natural" shouting and something else. Sorry, not explaining this well! But, I would put am immediate stop to his undermining you in front of your child. Neither of you should do that - discuss it later. Your DH may well be feeling helpless ( no excuse).

Oh, and if you haven't done so yet I highly recommend you both read " How to talk so kids will listen". It really is very helpful

I liked "How to Talk..." and also "Toddler Taming" DH never seemed to actually get round to reading the books but would generally take the advice if I told him what they said (which was a way of getting through to him without it sounding like I was preaching or knew best which obviously I did .)