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Parenting

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Original poster

Should you tell other parents if you see them doing something 'wrong'?

27 replies

Nessalina · 22/02/2015 08:33

I know that a heck of a lot of parenting is opinion rather than fact, but there are some things are are pretty much universally agreed on, and as a first time mum I think I'd want to know if I was doing something I shouldn't...

One of my fellow NCT mums has a 9 week old, and from a very early age (3 weeks) she has hardly supported his head at all, she sort of sits him up slumped on her knee, and I felt very uneasy about his neck not being supported but didn't feel like I knew her well enough to butt in. Now he's 9 weeks and she's posted a pic on Facebook of him forward-facing in a carrier, which I know is contentious either way, but surely definitely not recommended til 4 months at the earliest! But I still feel like I should probably just butt out, despite maternal instinct on overdrive...

So is it EVER ok to point out a parenting mistake? Would you want to know if it was you?

OP posts:

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GobblersKnob · 22/02/2015 08:35

Hahahahahah.

No.

RoseberryTopping · 22/02/2015 08:37

I don't know. SIL used to post pictures of nephew in his bumbo on a work surface. I used cringe inwardly but didn't say anything for fear of intruding, but then one day he fell off with a massive whack on to the hard floor and I felt even worse that I'd not said anything.

aprilanne · 22/02/2015 08:37

well yes of course if you want a punch in the mouth .every one is different .you need to get a life .

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plantsitter · 22/02/2015 08:38

It's tricky. But if I was going to say something, I CERTAINLY wouldn't do it on Facebook. I would do it in person and then be extremely careful about it (egNot bluntly say 'you're doing that wrong').

Waitingonasunnyday · 22/02/2015 08:38

I'd probably take the cowards way out and post something like 'oh I have the same car seat and my HV told me off, apparently they aren't allowed them until x weeks'.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 22/02/2015 08:39

Forward facing car seat? Like a seat with a 5 point harness and a head rest? Thats ridiculous. At 9 weeks that will be worse than useless in a crash. I think you should probably say something. They have to be 15 kilos to use those safely iirc.

aprilanne · 22/02/2015 08:39

roseberry .that i understand .maybe gently to your own family but not a random person at an nct class

Waitingonasunnyday · 22/02/2015 08:39

PS to answer your question 'would you want to know if it was you' - yes, I would.

HoneyIsBeePoo · 22/02/2015 08:40

Nooooo, bite your tongue.

You wouldn't correct anyone's behavior in other walks of life. "Accuse me mate, that's some shocking parking. Out you get and I'll show you how to do it right."

So it's a no when it comes to parenting too!

dementedpixie · 22/02/2015 08:44

Do you mean a car seat or a sling type carrier attached to a person? They shouldn't forward face in a car seat until at least 20lbs in weight and not before 9 months (bare minimum) as their head is still very heavy in relation to their body. Don't know about sling type carriers though.

Dukketeater · 22/02/2015 08:59

I am assuming you mean a baby born type carrier?

I told my cousin, as nicely as I could... It wasn't taken very well!

ch1134 · 22/02/2015 09:05

I have a friend who is always spouting 'advice'. She's a first time mum and I don't know where she gets it all from. Websites and books for neurotic first time mums I think... oh and the dreaded first time mum grapevine.
I am sick to death of her advising me! She told me once 'oh that's brave of you giving yoghurt. .. I thought yoghurt wasn't advised until after 12 months'. Another time 'oh I wouldn't buy readybrek, it's full of sugar and salt'.
Unless you really are an authority on any given matter I'd leave it to health visitors and close family.

insancerre · 22/02/2015 09:19

No
Its interfering and intrusive not to mention patronising
I work with children and see some things that make me want to get hold if patents and shake some sense into them
But it would not be my place to say anything
I can report really serious concerns but we do have yo accept the concept of ' good enough' parenting

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 22/02/2015 09:23

Our IL's bought us a jumperoo when DD was about 4 months. She was too small for it but as they live abroad I put her in it for 20 seconds to take a picture to put on Facebook for them. Her feet didn't touch the floor yet. Within seconds of posting it a friend sent me a message to tell me (very nicely, she had obviously thought about how to phrase it carefully!) to tell me that she shouldn't be in it if she couldn't touch the floor as it would damage her hips. I knew this. I laughed about it but was a bit annoyed that she was questioning my parenting without knowing anything about the situation. So I guess what I'm saying is, say something if you feel you should but be prepared for it to not go down too well!

Original poster

Nessalina · 22/02/2015 09:23

It's not a car seat, it's a baby carrier, one of the freeform cloth ones, a Moby I think.
I know that you wouldn't pull someone up on something trivial like parking, but when it's a child's safety doesn't it feel like it's a bit different? Roseberry's example is just the kind of thing I'm thinking of - you know it's not safe, so is it wrong to keep quiet?

OP posts:

Original poster

Nessalina · 22/02/2015 09:24

I think waiting has about the only way I could bring myself to say it - in a self-deprecating 'I hadn't realised either' sort of way. I definitely wouldn't do it in facebook though!!

OP posts:

SonnyJimBob · 22/02/2015 09:25

There is no 'perfect' way to parent children. All you can do is try your best.

halfwildlingwoman · 22/02/2015 09:32

DS held his head up from birth, so I didn't have to worry about head support quite so much I suppose, and I put him in a front facing Moby from about 8 weeks. The fabric around it sort of supported him IFSWYM.

catkind · 22/02/2015 09:41

I would certainly leave well alone on both of those. Not sure she's even wrong about the head support - if the baby was uncomfortable it would protest, and the parent has a better idea what support the baby needs or doesn't.

For actually dangerous things I think I would have to say something - hopefully tactfully! - egregiously wrong car seat, the bumbo on surface upthread, bag slings, feeding before 4 months maybe.

At least, I've never heard of babies injuring themselves with their own head weight, is that a Thing?

catkind · 22/02/2015 09:42

Had no idea you even could tie a moby ff!

dementedpixie · 22/02/2015 09:53

As their head is very heavy relative to their body then yes they can get neck injuries if it isn't properly supported. That's why babies should rear face for as long as possible

catkind · 22/02/2015 11:21

There are rather bigger forces involved in a car crash than if a baby flops its head about on your lap!

squizita · 22/02/2015 11:22

My dd is very petite.
I've had people tell me to support my "new born" head when they've only half looked.
She's a strong, well developed 5 month old: she's just petite. She can sit up etc perfectly normally: she's just the size of a 3 month old.

For that reason I'm v careful about suggesting/commenting, personally.

dementedpixie · 22/02/2015 11:24

shaken baby syndrome is also partly caused by the heaviness of the head in relation to the body

squizita · 22/02/2015 11:25

PP a moby is a strap-to-mum carrier NOT a car seat.

Is a quick read of a post the equivalent of a quick glance at the baby I referred to in my post..?

No baby is in a toddler car seat in this thread.

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