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Parenting

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Original poster

Anyone got any tips on how to decide whether to have a third baby?

16 replies

Isthreeacrowd · 21/02/2015 13:10

I know it's completely personal and everyone's circumstances and reasons are different but I wondered if anyone has any pearls of wisdom to share?

I have a 6yo DD and a 3yo DD who will be 4 in May. Husband works away a lot which will mean a lot of work for yours truly. Husband would def have another but there is no pressure from him whatsoever and decision is completely mine. I am going round in circles thinking of all the pros and cons and sometimes I am totally for it and other times I wonder whether it will be too hard to go back again just as life is getting easier child rearing wise. I even try to go with my gut instinct but this changes with the hour too!

I just don't know how to finally make the decision. Help!

OP posts:

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cheapandcheerful · 21/02/2015 22:28

Watching with interest! unhelpful

kavv0809 · 21/02/2015 22:45

Think I have read every thread on the Internet on this dilemma!

Pros - luffly squidgy new baby, another sibling for both DDs (greatest gift you can give apparently), always someone to play with, another child to love, sense that it completes your family, third time round you know all the hacks and have most of the kit, you're already knee deep in parenting so will one more make a difference?

Cons - may have trouble ttc, pregnancy with two existing children hard work, flinging self back into baby stage sleepless nights colic nappies etc, three personalities equals many more relationships that can go wrong as well as right, age gaps narrow the activities you can all do together , baby will have to get on with it and follow other children's routines, you've only got two hands, things are all set up for families of four, what if it's twins etc etc etc

I go back and forth on a weekly basis. Not necessarily helpful but I know how you feel.

ch1134 · 21/02/2015 22:48

I don't know anyone with 3 kids who wishes they'd stopped at 2...

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Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds 6 year olds Families General parenting

cheapandcheerful · 22/02/2015 07:53

Right ch1134!

Please can you tell my dh that!

Hathall · 22/02/2015 07:58

What clinched it for me was when a work colleague with 2 grown up children said wistfully 'you know, I really wished I'd had 3 children'

I realised that I would be saying that in the future if I didn't go for it.

munchkinmaster · 22/02/2015 08:02

Stop it! I can't read this. I am giving away my baby stuff. I tell everyone I'm too old.

In all seriousness. I think on a practical level 2 is my limit. Finance, housing, work etc.

Paloma12 · 22/02/2015 13:25

Someone said to me that when you look back on your life you will regret the things you didn't do. I have two, and life is getting so much easier. I am similarly conflicted, but I feel like I would always regret not doing it. Don't know whether this makes any sense whatsoever!

emsyj · 22/02/2015 14:29

Have 2 at the moment - love the idea of having a big family once they're all grown up, but not sure I could cope with doing the pregnancy/newborn thing all over again. I couldn't do it for another 2 years anyway - by which time the DCs will be 4 and 7. In a way, it would be like going back to having a first baby - both the others would be in school full time, but I don't really enjoy the baby stage and wish I could be presented with a 2+ year old instead...

Original poster

Isthreeacrowd · 22/02/2015 19:26

It seems a fair few are in the same boat! My 3 year old realllllllly tested me today and I asked myself why on earth I would want to go through this again. Anyone got the answer to that?!!!!!!

OP posts:

ch1134 · 22/02/2015 19:46

Human nature? Because life is about the people you share it with?

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 22/02/2015 21:12

I have three. Youngest only 9 months. DH works away a lot. At the moment I am finding it pretty hard tbh. I knew I would as I am not a baby person. My hope is that in 1-2 years I will be happy to have three.

larryphilanddave · 22/02/2015 22:27

I'm in that mindset too, although a long way off TTC3 if that ever happened. We are still both in the middle on this, but today was the first day that DH conceded that maybe, just maybe, 2 is enough. I've been back and forth on it, DH used to think 4 was a good number...

What has prompted this right now is actually a D&V virus. DH has it, as does DS1. Fortunately DS2 and I are fine. I am tired, looking after all 3, I keep being vomited on (by DS1, DH is polite enough to use a bucket), DH feels useless, I've done a ridiculous amount of laundry. I know this will be over soon, it's one virus, but kids pick things up, and hard things happen beyond bugs. Do we want to do that 3x? Not entirely sure on that one.

The other attraction is how much easier it would be, practically. When I think of stopping at 2 there is a little bit of relief inside, knowing I won't have to be pregnant again, and knowing I won't have to heal again (the labour bit has always been the easiest so far!). I realised that if I'm feeling relief at the thought of stopping, it's probably a good idea to stop!

I'm not 100% decided but I can now see that I would be fine stopping at 2. Analyse how you feel and react to the idea of a 3rd, genuinely, the idea of not doing it one more time. Like if you feel like it could be all sorts of tricky and yet, you still want to, that's probably an indication that you really want a 3rd.

Lovage · 23/02/2015 09:40

Just for a different perspective, I do know two mums with three adult kids who both say they wished they had stopped at two. They love the third child dearly and of course don't wish them un-born, but they say that if they had their time again, they'd stop at number two.

kavv0809 · 23/02/2015 11:19

Also check out the thread on AIBU at the moment about the single mum asking opinions on extending family to three children. There are some sobering details on there about the realities of three. Sorry don't know how to link on my phone but searching should find it.

tostaky · 28/02/2015 23:39

I have 3 and sometimes i wonder what it would have been like with two children.... And then i think that maybe with two children it would have been... "Too normal"!!
It is hectic (smallgap here). It is hard, only two knees and only two adults to give attention for three children...
DH who was very happy to have three is the one who really finds it hard... The relentlessness of it... We have decided tonight to get an au-pair... You really need three adults... Do u have family around?
I find it hard too and DS3 is full time at nursery otherwise i would go CRAZY. I take him out whenever i want to spend tome with him (it sounds awful i know) and that way our family benefits from a sane mummy. Have you got enough revenue to pay for help if needed? (Our family is far away).

I love my children. They are all so different! Consider myself lucky but mentally and physically exhausted!!!

gutzgutz · 02/03/2015 14:13

I suppose on a practical level you also need to think about 3 x swimming lessons, 3 x new shoes etc. there is a certain amount of hand me downing you can do especially whilst they are young but teenagers may be more resistant. Is your house big enough so you don't feel overcrowded? University fees etc. etc. Having said that I would love a third even though financially it would be tricky for longer. However I don't know if I could go back to sleepless nights, I just find them soooo hard.

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