Where is best to bring up kids? Town, city, rural?

[Denisedenise]

Hi folks

I am just wondering what your opinions are on where you feel better to bring up your kids?
At present I live in a small cliquey town which makes me feel uncomfortable due to previous relationships/ friendships. I feel I won't be able to fulfil my DS life due to my insecurities and would like to live in the city. I feel people are more friendly, open minded and less nosey in they city and just have a different outlook on life (I don't mean everyone in small towns)Also there are more clubs, groups and opportunities in the city. My Dp is in disagreement, he has lived in a wee town all his life and I think he is afraid.

I would love to hear from people who live in a city, town and rural and experiences of people who have moved from town - city/ city-town or rural and how you found the change.

Thank you, I look forward to your replies

It depends on your background I think. We live near the centre of a small city and I love it. Everything is nearby, there is lots to do and we are also near the coast and the forest. However I have lived here all my life and it is surprising how many connections you have to other people and how many you know so it sometimes "feels" smaller than it is.

However. We do live in a small flat (housing association) and my children have seen people sat outside our block with needles. They have also seen police breaking out neighbours door down, etc. not to say these things don't happen in the country, but I imagine it is less likely!

I could never live in the country. I just couldn't. My nan lives in a very rural area and it is lovely to visit but I wouldn't live there. Although I can see why others do!

I grew up in a big city and found it very isolating. My friends from school loved hours away, the neighbourhood did not have other children and every one kept themselves to themselves anyway.

We now live very rurally. DD is outside running, digging, cycling every day with no fear of cars. All her school friends are within walking distance and all the local children look after each other at the village fete, the village picnic, the village car boot sale, etc.

Benefits to both of course. I grew up in the countryside and my childhood felt pretty idyllic. But maybe that's partly because my parents were so happy there? They grew up in an industrial area and always told us how lucky we were to be surrounded by fresh air and natural beauty.
We spent almost every not wet day outdoors, on the beach.
Now I live in the countryside but not by the beach and I miss the sea air.
But I could never live in the middle of nowhere. I've always lived in town ad I'd hate to have to rely on a car, or feel isolated.
I know what you mean about feeling trapped in a small town, but all things considered, for me it's the best of both worlds.

I used to hanker for the countryside for my DC when they were small but now they're teens I don't think being very rural would be good at all.

We live in a middle sized town with a fantastic cycle network, which means they can have amazing freedom to go and see friends independently and they have loads of things to do only a bike ride away.

Isn't the cliquiness worse in a village? Local village school sounds idyllic for little ones but then they have to be bussed to town for secondary, so friends very well spread?

I think it really depends on what you are looking for.

I can highly recommend Cambridge. It's a city but it is small, so it's easy to get around. People are exceptionally lovely and well mannered, its quite middle class (but not in a snobby way) and it's just got a lovely vibe to it.

I've heard Bristol is similar too.

i could never live in a city but could never live in a village either.

My parents never drove, so we were dependent on buses and trains growing up. I now drive, so am not dependent on buses, but strangely still like to live where there is a train station. That makes me a medium town sort of person.

Why don't you try joining some new clubs and making a new social scene? Or move to a slightly larger town?

I was born in cambridge which is way my parents never drove, as they cycled every where!

So many variables!

I grew up in the countryside and I'm bringing my kids up in West London and I think they are definitely getting the better deal.

Unlike booboo my friends were all miles away and the bus services were rubbish so I felt isolated in the countryside. By contrast my DC's primary catchment was about 10 streets so all their friends at primary were easily walking distance. Their secondary has furthest place offered about a mile so again no one is far and they get free travel on the frequent buses, or reduced price for a couple of stops on the tube.

World class free museums are just 20 mins on the tube and as they get older they'll have easy access to all the capital has to offer while living in a pleasant London suburb.

But, and I don't want to be harsh, if the real problem is your own insecurities remember that you'll be taking them with you, would it be better to work on those, build your own confidence and then look again at whether you still want to move?

I live in a town near a big city, and I think that's been good. Lots of school friends nearby and a walk to school when DC were younger, cultural things in the city, then, from when they were 12 or so, they've got public transport into the City to the cinema etc. Now, they are at uni in the City abd DH and I both work in the City centre, so we're thinking of selling our house and buying a west end flat.

There isn't a right or wrong answer to this, but getting all your ducks in a row (jobs and acceptable commutes for the wohps, decent schools for the children, good standard of accommodation which leaves you with enough money to enjoy yourselves) is a tough balance.
I grew up in London on a LP budget, and although there were lots of things to do, places to go etc., there were clearly times when DM struggled and we suffered.
I now live on the edge of a smallish town, with fields in walking distance, and own a big house with only a small mortgage. Schools are ok, not loads to do but there isn't so much time, DH's commute to work is an hour and I can't go to the shops without seeing someone I know, which is sometimes nice, sometimes suffocating. But we chose this for my career. Both small and large towns have their downsides, in London as a student I had prostitutes on the streets by my flat and kids throwing fireworks in November, here I get exercised by dog poo and neighbours leaving their bins out on the wrong day.

I think a new build estate in a small town or the suburbs are good if you have young children. People are generally at a similar point in life, plenty of playmates and usually safe streets. You still have access to the town/city for activities but can still access the countryside too.

I grew up very rurally. It was bliss as a child and horrible as a teenager.

I now live on the edge of a small city. I can walk into town in 20 mins in one direction and walk to a proper farm shop surrounded by fields in 30 mins in the other. It suits me well and I feel offers both aspects to the kids.

Growing up in rural Scotland was fantastic for me (from age 0-11). I had a typically feral 70s childhood with loads of freedom, went round all the country roads on my bike with my sis or friends.

But, it was rubbish being there as a teenager. Most of my friends lived in other villages and I had to rely on Mum and Dad for lifts. The bus service was rubbish and non-existant after 7pm. Needless to say, I was desperate for a new life and left at 17 to go to Uni. I hadn't had a boyfriend until then (not even kissed a boy!), but met my first boyfriend within 6 weeks.

I wouldn't live in the countryside now - I live in a small town and love it - it still has the community feeling that I did enjoy as a child.

I have lived in all three and love the city most. I started live in a large town which was good, a fair amount if stuff to do but you had to travel 30mins or so to get to a decent shopping centre/ ice skating/cinema.

When I was 11/12 we moved to the iow which had the benifit of the sea. I spent so much time at the beach. But there wasn't much to do, no shops, had to travel miles to do anything. Which was ok when I was 11 but by the time I reached 14/15 was a bit of a drag.

I then moved to a city for university and love it. Everything is in hands reach. There are hundreds if different clubs and activities for children to do, plenty of shops/cinemas/ice skating/swimming etc. We live on the edge of the city so there is green space nearby an you don't have to travel long to be on some gorgeous countryside land. So in my eyes the city has everything.which is something I never thought I would of said 10 years ago
I am planning on staying here to raise my children

I grew up in a town,lived in a city,then moved to a more rural situation.
Rural is my choice -for imo the healthiest start for my dc's,with the lack of pollution and opportunities to be outsjde in the fresh air,and understand the connection to nature.
My order of choice would be:
1.Rural
2.Village with a good community
3.Extremely rural.As in Hebridean Island rural.Could present issues for work and social opportunities but I would imagine a fantastjc life quality.Somewhere I could really clamour after if offered the opportunity to join a sustainable intentional community though!
4.City.Masses of opportunity.
5.Town.Can have isolating edge of town estates with a poor public transport network,and can lack the community of a village whilst not allowing potential opportunities on the same scale as a city.

I grew up in London and loved it there. I moved to the country in my 30s (DH's idea) and now I love it here too!

My DC have the advantages of a big garden and a nice village school - very different from the inner city primary at which my brother was bullied. I know bullying happens in 'nice' schools too, but my primary was v rough. I was happy there though.

At the moment it's a no-brainer for me, but I accept my DC may feel differently when they are teenagers.

I don't think there's a right answer to this, and I think a lot depends on where you grew up yourself.

I grew up in Edinburgh, and still live here. When we moved flats a few years ago, we pondered whether we should move out the city to a commuter type town so we could get a bit more space for our money but decided against because -

• prices are still high out the city, we wouldn't actually be gaining much more space but would be adding more time on our journey to work, a well as cost
• we like that we don't need a car. We recently bought one which is great for the supermarket, visiting family etc, but you'd be bonkers to drive to work, we use the bus
• we've got everything we need close by (doctors, libraries, shops etc) and we can walk to town, the park, the beach, to family, to playparks, swimming pools etc. I would hate to be somewhere where you need a car to get anywhere
• when the kids are older they'll be a lot more independent and will have lots to do, close by

The downside of course is that housing costs a fortune, but it does anywhere in the vicinity really :-(

I'm from an island with less than 2000 inhabitants. All my history is here, there are limits but there's no where else I'd rather bring my boy up. Safer and we now share so much of even my childhood. School is a bit rubbish tho

I grew up in a boring town outside City. Nice when little but not much to do. From 14 I lived in a city and totally loved it - so much to do and public transport. Bringing mine up in a diverse city

I am happy that mine are growing up in a city of opportunity with easy access to countryside and every activity close by. I feel it prepares them well for challenges ahead

We live in a smallish city near the coast and lovely countryside. City is big enough to have decent activities and entertainments and small enough to see friends easily. Shops and job opportunities aren't the best. I expect the DC will move away at some point but return to raise their own DC. It's a common story here.

I spend my secondary school years in a village in Cornwall. It was dire until I learned to drive.

If you live in a decent area- it doesn't matter. All have there pros and cons. Used to live in S. Ken when DDs were little, now live down south near the coast and the forest. Have to say, both were lovely places and if we had stayed in London I would be as happy as I am here!!