I feel terrible...........lashed out today.................

[Momp]

Not proud of myself at all. the story goes like this....

DS (1 yr) although really tired would not settle for his morning sleep. Will do any other time though.

MIL rang. DD (4 yrs) wanted help on computer. I had not had shower and it was getting on for 9.30am. Hadn't done anything I'd wanted to do.

DS still laughing and playing in cot, so went in, settled him back down. He kicked off his covers again......which was when I smacked him quite hard on his arm.

After a short sleep, he was down playing with DD. I was working in kitchen and DD kept enticing DS into kitchen although she knows he must stay in the living room if I'm working in the kitchen.

I lost it again, and threw the toys into the living room. One of the toys hit DS on his back.

DD said "you shouldn't do that. He's only a baby"

I am a horrible mum and feel like s**t for the upset I have caused today.

Do not worry learn from it. It was accidental that the toy hit him perhaps find something nice to do all together so you feel more positive and feel as if something nice has been done

Thanks for replying gothicmama.

DS is sleeping now but when he is awake we'll have a nice story together.

Thanks for your kind words x

Have a nice time x

Don't feel bad Momp. As gothicmama said the toy hitting him was accidental.
Everyone has bad days and does things they regret.
I once told dd2 to go to her room but she didn't move, so i shoved herin the right direction and she then turned around and fell over the mat, bashing her face on the door frame. I felt awful for days.
Now if she's annoying me i just ignore her and go do something else until i have calmed down enough to deal with her.

How are you feeeling generally Momp? I went through a few months of feeling as if I had to filter out the rage in my actions and words before I spoke or acted, and it turned out i had depression. I am sorry you are feeling so bad - but if you worry that you are likely to lash out physically again it might be worth seeking some sympathetic support for yourself. Have you been feeling like this with your partner, too? Can you thnk up a 'holding' strategy for when the frustration starts to reach boiling point? A word or phrase that you say to your self, or a physical prompt to simply relax and let it wash over you for a few minutes?

I hope that you have been able to take advantage of this lovely afternoon (where I am anyway) to give yourself a little 'quality time' break with the kids.

Look after yourself.

Yes, how do you feel generally. Losing your temper with small kids is pretty vile - we have all done it I think - but I do think if you feel you are about to hit, then it is important to extract yourself from the situation and distract yourself fast - turn on some uplifting music, call a friend/your mum on the phone, do something silly, anything to break the seductive spiral of anger. I have a nasty temper and have to work at not losing it with ds sometimes (and he is truly an angel) I also think lowering your expectation that you can control everything can sometimes help. Also cut down on rules as far as you can - I am a huge believer in routines but wonder, for example, why is so important that the children aren't in the kitchen. I do think losing your temper from time to time is part of parenthood for most of us (sadly) and I always apologise if I think I've been unreasonable, which helps me. Also get out of the house if you feel you are losing it (difficult I know with two kids). Hope all is better now.

Momp, i think everyone gets days like that, you get frustrated and tend to take it out on them. Well i do anyway. Perhaps when you feel your getting wound up you should go somewhere and count very slowly to ten, so you don't do anything that you might regret later, thats what i used to do sometimes. MY youngest was a real pain he used to follow me around whingeing all day, and i did on a few occastions shout or even worse tap him. I also get annoyed with them when i am due on too, and find myself really ratty, and think, its not there fault i am hormonal. Don't beat yourself up over it, things happen that you wish didn't. Try and learn from it? Perhaps say sorry to them, and say mummy was having a bad day and shouldn't have taken it out on you. I don't know if this advice is any good, but i do know how you feel. And hope you feel better soon.

Well I'm sorry I'm probably going to upset you - but please believe me I do mean this in the kindest way possible! I am quite shocked that someone would hit a one year old.

FWIW I think that you know you crossed the line today and that is why you feel bad about it. You are going to have to find ways of controlling your anger, that do not involve lashing out. Would you hit your friend if she annoyed you, or your partner or a work collegue?

You can control your anger, we all do at times in many different situations. What you need to realise is that your child is no more an acceptable target than any annoying person on the street is!

Count to 10, pinch yourself hard on the arm, bite your tongue hard - anything that stops the impulse! Soon you will have trained it out of yourself!

Please please do not take your frustrations out on a baby. They deserve it least of all

I would like to say, don't feel bad about it, like some of the others here have, but I think that the feeling bad about it is actually an important step to stopping this ever happening again!

OOOOh, dread to beg differ Soapbox, but with a 1 yr old and a 4yr old - and it was completely unintentional. I've sometimes lost it and just thrown down some toys, just to let them know how daft they're being about something completely irrational. I've even (to my shame, and only when they were much younger) said under my breath FFS. I think it takes a wonderwoman not to feel like this sometimes, and mine are only 14m apart.

Well. I agree that the thrown toy was unintentional - but I can't see how the hard smack on the arm was!

V quickly now as I am off out tonight with DH to see Saturday Night Fever at the theatre - so looking forward to it!

I do feel loads better and thank you all for your supportive comments and suggestions for future "outbursts".

I know that I am in no way depressed or near depression. I had let a number of incidents get on top of me when I smacked DS. The toy hitting him was most definately an accident as I ran to him straight away to comfort him instead of crawling into a ball and running away - which I have done with DD when she was small - so I do know the difference.

Once again - thank you all so much. I'm off to get glam now !!

Have fun!