Is it expecting too much to want DD to be interested in.. anything, really?

[vladthedisorganised]

This may be an epic post..

DD is 4.9 and in reception year. She is normally a chatty wee thing who up to recently has been interested in all manner of things - painting, drawing, going out on her bike, playing cards and what have you.

Lately however she seems to be really listless and only interested in passive things - TV at home, or when out and about she'll make a bee-line straight for the computer in the library/ museum rather than the books or exhibits. She appears not to be interested in anything at all at school, will read only under duress (but has no trouble with it) and prefers being read to, makes no attempt at writing either at home or at school, is no longer happy drawing, cooking or colouring, and it's even a struggle to get her to go outside at all. If the TV is switched off she'll cry for ages, then just sit listlessly on the sofa. She does have a sleep routine but takes for ever to go to sleep at night.

School haven't expressed any concerns, though we've come through a tough time at home of late with me being a carer to my DF until recently, so I don't know if they're giving her more leeway than they might any other child. She's certainly never been 'star of the week' or been singled out for good behaviour or acheivement - this doesn't appear to bother her especially. She seems from what I can see to have gone backwards a bit in areas she used to find easy.

If she were an adult I'd almost think she was depressed. Is this normal or should I be talking to an HV?

Could she be very tired? If she is tsking a long time to,go to sleep at night has she got into bad sleep habits combined with starting school= exhausted?
I would speak to health visitor for reassurance or if there could be any medical reasons behind it, it csnt hurt.
Good luck it must be worrying

You know your own child, so if you're really worried, perhaps a trip to the GP?

But my first thought (have 3 DC: 11,8 and 2) is that she is probably exhausted. I was at home as SAHM and childminder, but both my big 2 were always exhausted at the end of every half term. Even kids who have been to nursery 8am-6pm find first year of school particularly tiring - it's just much more full on, I think.

Would this tally? It's hard work when they are so tired, I feel for you!

Both of mine were exhausted by this stage of reception - its a big step up for them. They would both come home and flop and needed a lot of down time.

However, it sounds like your DD is really tired. Might be worth getting her checked over - things like iron levels perhaps - and really focussing on getting her some good quality sleep. Perhaps swimming or a run around and some fresh air before supper to help with sleep? I do remember bringing bedtime earlier around now - until their resilience upped a bit.

My dd is same age and I would find that behaviour odd from her....she's probably a little tired but I'd get her checked out if it were me just for piece of mind.

You say you were a carer to your DF until recently. Why did that stop? Is anything else going on in your family life?

Exhaustion does sound like a reasonable explanation.

NotQuite, amazingly my dad recovered from his illness which we weren't expecting at all - it's now sufficiently under control that he doesn't need the amount of care that he did in the past, which frees me up a little. DD isn't massively close to him however (he's an academic and struggles with conversation with anyone under about 20)

Probably is exhaustion - not helped by me being ill at the moment and struggling with everything myself! We managed an hour outside today but she fell into a hole and insisted on going home, then didn't want to go out again... we had a decent hour of splatting paint on things (no amazing artwork but she seemed to enjoy it) - then back to the sofa.

I will check with her teacher to see if there are any concerns academically - she is insisting 'but I'm no good at x/y/z so there's no point trying' which is new, and she does seem to be way behind her peers in drawing, writing and bike riding (no inclination to lose the stabilisers at all) from what I can see. I try to encourage anything other than flopping in front of the TV as much as I can without pushing too much (which I probably do - 'hey, why don't we do x? it would be much more exciting!' sort of thing) but this listlessness is reducing me to tears at times.

I think you are right to be concerned, vlad. Especially if she has already decided that she is no good at certain things. I would worry that her teacher is not at all encouraging.

Try to start a sleep routine, I have always had one for my children and find that they get less tired that their friends who sleep at any time. I am very strict when it comes to bed time and it works, children need lots of sleep.

Does she have a set time for tv or is it always competing for her attention?

Having said that, February makes me want to hibernate and snuggle up on the sofa.

A bit of sport always gives my DD a boost of energy. Yours seems tired, but you know your child best, if mine behaved like that I'd say she was tired.
Try audio books/radio/music in the background in lieu of TV/ipad.
We also have a plastic bug (don't ask) that goes on adventures. She's had it since she was very little. The bug goes on walks with us and gets photographed in various settings (my DD is waaay too old for this, but she still loves doing it).
Teaching her simple origami might work as well. It's just paper, my DD had a whole trail of kids behind her trying to get her to make flowers/frogs/blowing fish.
I would also attempt to cut sugar right down (mine is particularly fond of smoothies, they've got so much sugar!!!!), the comedown from a sugar rush sends mine into meltdown.
Good luck.

How much Screen time is she getting? Is it too much? It sounds bad that she is finding it hard to sleep.
I would try to cut out screen time during the week days. Maybe she's overstimulated or something and as a pp said, look at what she's eating too.

Having said that, it sounds like quite a drastic change. If you feel you need to talk to a gp or hv about it then you should. You know your child best.

Seems like she isn't the only one.. most of her class seem to have been very similar this half term it seems. She is getting a lot of exercise during the week (we walk a mile or so to school) and I try to do a lot with her at weekends. Might well be overstimulation from this clueless/shit parent too - since I try to do anything/everything other than being in front of the screen, we spend evenings doing anything/everything that might tempt her interest which tires me out, never mind her! It's a real tightrope walk. Origami sounds like a nice idea.

My big concern is the 'I'm no good so there's no use trying'. She seems to be well liked by her teachers and other children, but it does make me sad to see her confidence drop like this.

I've got one of those, too. There's no point, I'm bad at it etc etc etc.
That's when I panic and buy mass quantity of parenting and child psychology books. By the time I finished, she's moved on onto the next phase. I'm constantly catching up!

Have you told her it's OK to do things that she's not good at? Don't laugh at her when she does something badly. She may be sensitive about that. Praise her for trying things, not just for doing things well. It's OK to do things just because you like to do them, even if you're not any good at them. You might get better by practicing, but you might not, and that's OK too.

Have you asked her what she might be interested in doing? Her interests might be very different from yours. She might like doing something you hate, or hate doing something you love, and that's perfectly OK. Her interests might not conform to gender, class, or ethnic stereotypes, and that's OK too.

Ds1 is like that. He always thinks he's rubbish at things and doesn't want to try. I've had to work a lot with him.
I bothered the teacher every Friday to find out what exactly they were going to do the following week so I could run through some stuff with him. Because I'd done that, he was more comfortable with whatever they were doing and so gained more confidence.
I was always reassuring and praising him too.

I am quite concerned about her thinking she is rubbish at things? Maybe it is just that my only dd was not like that, but where is the comparing herself to other people coming from? Surely we do things because we want to do them and at that age most things are relatively new and everyone is rubbish when they start something new.

When she makes a beeline for the computer at the library or museum, what does she do once she gets there? That sounds like an interest to me. Potentially a useful one, even- there are lots of career opportunities in working with computers. I work in IT, and I got my start on computers playing Nintendo as a teenager.

It couldn't be something as simple as a vision problem, could it? It might be that reading, writing, or drawing strains her eyes in a way that TV, computers, or being read to does not.

It's pretty normal for kids to regress when they've gone through a stressful time. Having you spending a lot of time caring for DF was probably stressful for her, especially if it meant she got less attention. She might need to reconnect with you a bit.

Maybe shes bored - when i started primary mum had taught me a b c, so when i came home having been taught aaa, buuu, kuuu she was petty disappointed and i think i found the first years a bit below me.

Perhaps a similar thing?

Thanks everyone. I had a word with DD's teacher and apparently she's doing absolutely fine in school, but the teacher has said she'll keep an eye on things and DD seems to have picked up a bit of late.

Vision tests are coming up this week at school which I'm pretty glad about, in case DD has inherited my awful eyesight. It would certainly explain a lot if it was.