Can we really stay tv-free with a toddler and newborn?

[Patienceisapparentlyavirtue]

Our nearly 2 year old has never watched tv or used our tablets/phones - this isn't a massive ideological thing for us, but has worked well for our family, even if it's sometimes a bit tiring. Also, i do quite like sitting down, and don't like drawn-out arguments with my very stubborn son, so probably wouldn't be great at keeping to a reasonable TV level the way plenty of my friends do! He's managed hours of despair because we can only handle up to 15 or so repetitions of the wheels on the bus song per car trip, I dread how he would feel about Peppa and the crew.

However, with a new baby due in the next couple of months, I've started wondering if this is really sustainable, with a giant tv sitting temptingly in the living room. Do any of you have any success stories or tips and tricks for managing long bfing sessions or general exhaustion while entertaining a very active toddler? Or if it didn't work for you, suggestions for introducing tv in a balanced way?

(Obviously there are plenty of parents in the past and around the world today who have no choice but to raise their kids tv free, so totally realise that this is a first world kind of problem ... But given the chance, would all those Victorian housewives have been plugging in some Dora and telling me to stop being so pfb? I'm suspecting maybe so)

We had no screens when ours were little, and it was great. It worked for us because we had never had screens in the house at all, so never wanted to turn them on, as they were not part of our life.

In the summer we still spend about 6 weeks in a place with no TV, phone or internet. No one misses or asks for it, and life improves so much while we are there.

Without screens, we do more different things, spend more time really together, read more, and feel more alive and awake.

There's nothing wrong with Thomas the Tank Engine DVDs.

I know a family where there was no TV at all. However, the now 15 year old is a Minecraft addict enthusiast - you cannot 'control' kids' screen habits forever.

I have friends who have done it. But I'm sorry to say I was extremely grateful for the tv during the early days with nb and toddler. There are some really great programmes on cbeebies. I quite liked all three of us snuggled together. We read a LOT of books like that too, though. Maybe look into rhyme time at the library and go weekly to replensish picture books? Sticker books might also come into their own.

I do understand that you don't want your child glued to a screen but you're really over thinking it - IMO if you have to think about it that much then it's not something that works for you.

Tv can be good for a child's development, just because they watch tv it doesn't make you a poor or neglectful parent. You need to vet what they watch and only have it on for specific shows - Mr Tumble is great for signing and Mr Maker is nice for looking at colours and shapes. My DS absolutely loves Thomas the Tank and Fireman Sam - I don't just stick him in front if the tv, I watch with him and we talk about what is happening, he has started to make predictions about what might happen now too.

Saying that, I have the tv on for background noise whilst I'm working and DS is playing, he ignores it 90% of the time. I think by making it a non issue my DS doesn't see it as a huge part of his life. However, if I tried to restrict it and made it something we 'don't' do then it would be something he constantly wants which then causes conflict.

I have to hide my iPad, I do have a couple of shape sorting games and a Mr Tumble Jigsongs app which I let him play with every now and then. I think they help with coordination, he's figured out how to play and his coordination is great with them. But if it's out he wants it.

Look for the positive aspects of the things you want to 'ban' and only use them for those purposes, then the guilt won't be as bad. You are allowed some down time, a toddler and a baby is hard work and if the screen helps with distraction whilst you're sorting out the baby then so be it.

If you want to introduce tv in a limited way (i am a bit of a Dragon with the remote control) maybe do it at a particular time of day eg late afternoon pre-teatime or something.

I do what Mabel suggests. My dc have tv before bed every day. They know it's coming and so when they were little and they said 'can I watch Dora?' I could say 'yes, you can I'll put it on at tv time'.

Agree with pp at having it for a certain time each day.

That's what we do- we have it on for around an hour at 4.45 ish. Works well for us and we also read loads and loads of books throughout the day :)

I think you're making it a bigger issue than it needs to be!

My dd is 8 weeks and ds was 23 months when she was born! He loves watching The Night Garden and a few other things. Definitely doesn't over watch, prefers his toys and 90% of the time ignores it if it's on (as someone said above)

Trust me, there will be days you will be very glad of an extra distraction with a 2 year old and a newborn!

We only watch 10 minute slots on iPlayer. Currently enjoying a cuddle in front of Peter Rabbit. Lovely!

The easiest way for me to restrict tv use is to not let them know they're restricted-so, for example, I'll turn on in time for peppa pig episode starting, tell my daughter we're watching one, then after a few minutes tell her she can watch another then We have dinner/do x, y or z. In reality she's watched less than 10 mins or so, but she feels like she's got a good deal.

I did restrict tv with my elder two when they were younger, but that was only really restricting what they watched rather than the time. They were only allowed cbeebies or Thomas the tank (switched back from channel 5 before adverts kicked in). They were 18 months apart so it was invaluable being able to breastfeed baby with toddler snuggled up too. The good part of me would love to have read everytime, but with extreme tiredness it was sometimes a good chance for me to sit down with baby on boob, have a cuppa and a rest, without straining to read enthusiastically to a 2 year old! I now know every frigging engine story as a consequence though! Sky plus us your friend here-you can record episodes of their favourite things then decide when they watch, according to your schedule not the tv's.

I have seen the fallout from restricting them too much; my boys are 7 & 6 and until recently I've resisted any form of gaming, despite friends being into Xbox etc. they had iPad mini's for Xmas and are completely obsessed, like they've never been about tv. I think I should have maybe let them have access to something a bit sooner rather than a blanket policy of no consoles. Maybe it's because I still restrict their usage (not in the week, an hour after school on Friday and a couple of hours a day at weekends). Who knows what the right way is?!

I see the same with the kids banned from chocolate, to the point where the most restricted kid we know tries to steal sweets etc from kitchen cupboards if left unattended on play dates!

I used to get bent out of shape about tv with my first, but since then I've got perspective and personally feel that it's not the demon we fear if the adult is in control of what is being watched and when. Some of the best times in our house are Saturday night movie night; popcorn, big blanket and kiddy film. Cheap but special ritual in this house!

We have never had a tv licence. Our kids are now 11,10 and 8. We do however have a tv monitor and we stream internet through it. So...they can watch a specific programme. This has worked well as it makes them think about what they want to watch and also prevents them just sitting in front of whatever happens to come on. When they were little we had a video collection that they could choose from. I agree though that it gets harder and harder as they get older and there are more devices around. We got a Hudl last year which you can programme to time out after a specific length of time so they get an hour each on that a day too. I think all things in moderation is better than none at all. I grew up in a TV free home and just used to spend more time at friends houses!

We didn't have tv with a toddler and newborn. But boring sometimes (for me) but children didn't have a problem. Ds now fully obsessed with the tv obviously.

You can do it but quite frankly the TV can be helpful when eg young baby is fretty/crying and the noise is upsetting older one.

We don't watch TV ie scheduled broadcasts. But DS watches a few episodes of Peppa and Thomas every other day. And he loves watching music videos on YouTube. DH lets him watch more music videos than I would because he likes that 2 year old DS loves Green Day!

I find regular screen time can make his behaviour worse but TV/computer can be very useful tool in a pinch or when you're shattered from night feeds, or getting ready to get them both out the door. Don't over think it. I reckon a bit of screentime and a happy toddler is better than them whining/getting bored and cross when you are having to deal to baby and make dinner.

MIL was tutting that she never had TV on to entertain her toddlers when she had new baby. However she thinks it is normal and fine to have small children bawling and screaming at her legs, baby sobbing, while she made dinner - "it's just their fretful time". Frankly I'd rather have Peppa on for 20 minutes and everyone calm!

I really don't like kids watching too much screens (I was raised by the TV). But it's not the end of the world. And I try and make it interactive ie talk with DS about what Peppa is doing, choose an episode that is similar to an activity we did that day.

We are not tv free, but I often wish we were as I hate the begging for tv and the moaning when the episode finishes (we record programs and then it is finite as i find if I leave CBeebies on it just stays on and on and on..)
I think you probably could manage without, but would also say don't feel a failure if you do resort to a bit of tv, I found it became more useful when our baby got to 6m and I was trying to gently persuade him to sleep, if the older one was plugged into the TV he wouldn't keep popping in to wake up the almost asleep baby asking for help with a puzzle, or to get the train track or any other toy he suddenly fancied out!
I think pre 6m and the baby will sleep almost anywhere we read loads of books and then when baby slept, baked, playdoughed, cutted and sticked etc.

It depends whether you have other ways of keeping the toddler occupied I guess! We don't have a TV and I have not had any problems with bf while watching the toddler BUT the baby is a quick eater and toddler is good at playing by himself most of the time. I have an iPad and occasionally let the toddler watch Peppa pig on that but I don't like him to watch it much as it is so passive - not sure it stimulates the brain the way playing does, but when you just really need them to sit in one place for a bit it is a lifesaver!

It's your prerogative, but what horrors do you feel you're protecting your children from, exactly?

My three year old has learned an astonishing amount from TV, YouTube videos, and preschooler apps and games.

You can but try op. Its not the end of the world if you do use tv.

From what I remember, when DD was a newborn, DS, who was two, just watched TV after dinner. I don't see the harm in TV in moderation. It can also be a godsend if you are feeling under the weather or need to get something done, such as cook the dinner, if not in the toddler and newborn stage then in the preschooler and toddler stage.

TV free home here. We do have ipads though and my 6 years old knows where to find it! So i let them watch cbbeebies in the morning before breakfast.
Strangely enough they never ask for it during the day. I have three children so i guess they just entertain each others.
I do remember plonking my toddler in front of the ipad though just to get some time to settle my baby for a nap and to make myself a well deserved cup of tea!

Watching with interest.
There was half an hour of toddler TV when DD1 was little, and I'd sometimes put it on for countdown. I remember a friends mum telling me about cbeebies a few years later (they were early adopters)and thinking 'I'd find it really difficult to say no.' Now my dcs are older teenagers they're pretty much glued to their phones and laptops and I'm glad we had those early years screen free. We also had a few months when they were primary school aged tv less and it was fine- they didn't miss it and DH and I watched the very ocassional film on the laptop.
I think as you've resisted using the TV on your now toddler, you're probably more disciplined than me and will manage very well.

In my very uneducated opinion the no screen before 2 is about avoiding the lowest denominator - e.g. Those who plonk their dcs down in front of c newbies and leave them there all day.

99% of people won't be like that and as pp said, tv can be very educational. Just don't use it as a babysitter.

I had to go back home lots this time last year to see my dying DM and couldn't have got the car packed without sitting dd in front of Mr Tumble for 15 mins at a time.

Like everything if you're sensible and use with caution plus interact with what's going on - ooh dc a shape! What colour is the triangle? What shape is the yellow one etc etc then it's like reading books for me.

When DS arrived I managed to resist the TV for the first four months or so, because DD was still having a good 2 hour lunchtime nap, DS was a fast feeder and non-distractible and DS settled for naps really easily.

However, once DD dropped her nap, DS started getting really distracted during feeds so I needed to take him off on his own to feed and also started really resisting sleep, then TV came into its own! I tend to use DVDs as find I have more control over how much and what she watches then.

Have to say, right from the start my phone was invaluable at bedtime though. DD would sit and watch videos of herself while I fed and settled DS.

With the best will in the world, you can't give DC1 your undivided attention once DC2 comes along and I reason that DD could either have no screen time and be whingy and miserable and noticing that I wasn't giving her attention, or be happily sat in front of a cartoon, enjoying herself and none the wiser that I was giving the baby my attention instead of her.

It's actually really nice for her to have some "zoning out" time now she's not napping and actually there is some quite educational stuff on CBeebies and some apps etc.

TV has a limited place in my life, so I guess it makes sense for it to have a limited place in her's too. All in moderation and all that.

I care part time for DGD and did not intend to use any screens, however she is now 2.6 and when she is tired it works very well. We snuggle down in the chair together and watch Peter Rabbit on the ipad. It is just like reading we both comment and discuss and can pause and rewind. When time is up (my choice) it can be closed and put away. I have difficulty in finding suitable programmes and would welcome any suggestions for counting or singing. Do not dismiss technology it can be your friend when used with thought.

I honestly don't know why you would make life so hard for yourself!

I have a baby and toddler - what you need to take into account is you will be TIRED...very very tired! So - whatever makes life easy will also help you stay patient and calm (as can be hoped for...not always of course) with the older child.

The people postin on this thread dont use much tv - well, in our house I found one time when it was - and is - a godsend is in the morning as Im getting ready to head out - baby has a nap in the morning, and I let toddler watch telly/ bit of a DVD while I pack up the buggy, sit down and recover from breakfast - basically have half an hour to myself to get the energy to leave the house!

Yes blah blah people say pack and get ready the night before, well we aren't all perfect - and when you have been up feeding in the night and up at 6 - by 9am you need a break!!!! we tend to stay local so groups etc start at 10 - I cannot sustain my energy entertaining a 2 year old from 6am to 10am without a break......

so - that is helpful - and then usually at lunch we have some telly - I am exhausted when we get in at lunchtime - have carried baby in the slin for two hours, while lookin after toddler - toddler is tired, needs to sit and do something that I can ignore him!

then he dropped his nap - so we definitely need telly to replace it! he is exhausted but wont sleep = I need a break from him - its all just phases.....once it's summer we will be out all day, I am already much less tired as baby is now 8 months and sleeps all night...so telly not needed so much

buy a pile of dvds - charlie and lola/ peppa/ etc and use whenever you think you are about to cry/ shout/ faint with low blood sugar

honestly its bloody hard the first few months, go easy on yourself ...