In battle with 3 year old - just want to CRY

[sydneygirl]

DS1 will not listen. I have tried bending down to his level and explaining things. I have tried time out time. I have tried losing my temper and yelling and this is the worry - I'm using far too much of that technique at the moment.
Just want to cry. Latest row involved me asking him not to put the butter knife (with butter) in his mouth whilst he was making his sandwich. Asked him three times then told him firmly NO. He responded by doing it again with huge scoop of butter.
It sounds comical when it's written down, but that was about the tenth thing that we've argued about this morning. DS2 is poorly, so perhaps I'm feeling a bit low also.
I had to deal with butter row by walking away. Walked down to the end of our garden, repeating to myself that the argument wasn't my fault. Must have sounded quite loopy talking to myself but it helped. DS1 was following and yelling, hitting and scratching me but eventually he calmed down, asked to be picked up and asked for his sandwich.
SO SORRY to bang on. Just needed to vent really. Sometimes I feel like I'm the shite-est mum in the world, yet other days I feel like Mary Poppins.

I think perhaps we try to reason with LO's to much sometimes. Be consistant, firm and then remove child or thing from the situation. Never battle or argue you will always lose, child logic dictates this .

Had to post and tell you what my DD (3.5) has just said. I told her she was a cheeky little monkey and she replied (with hands on hips) 'I have to be cheeky Mummy otherwise I don't get what I want!' Couldn't help but laugh, really put our bad days into persepective!!!

Just been in the park and got talking to another mum about my troubles with DS.

She said that at 3.5 - 4 years, boys get their first surge of testosterone and it makes them go CRAZY. She felt that's why DSs behaviour had suddenly become so unpredicatable.

Has anyone heard of this?

Bump...interested in this new testosterone theory

I aggree with a lot of these posts. My ds is 4 in jan and has been really grupmy and whingy recently.
He can be amazing,cute,funny,kind,helpfull,happy etc but then he just starts moaning for no real reason and grumps and hurrumps about.
You are not a shitty mum sydneygirl, you sound just like alot of us on this thread.

yes, I've heard this on here before and lots of people have reported that their ds's suddenly become much more challenging at this age.

Certainly held true for us, DS is 4.2 and for the last six months or so his play has been more 'violent', involving lots of 'killing' and bashing basically - also have had problems with him thinking that it's ok to hit people when thwarted in any way at all!

Ways of coping that have saved my sanity:

make nearly EVERYTHING into a game, or a race, or a challenge...all the mundane things of life can be an opportunity for a 3 yr old to be defiant, eg "it's time to put your coat on"; Instead with DS I would have a little repertoire of other ways to do it....make the coat his policeman's uniform and tell him we are going to catch rascals; tell him he is not allowed to wear his coat today as it's only for a boy who is going to get a gingerbread from the baker's; challenge him to a race saying "I can get my coat on faster than you!!"

Most of these strategies have worked, most of the time. I'm not saying we don't have the odd bad day!

I try to completely lighten up and make life fun like this otherwise you are simply giving the child the tools to practise exerting their defiance skills.....far easier to do things together in a fun way.

Thankyou for this thread as my DD has been driving me nuts not matter what I do it's never enough or the right thing to appease her. She's regressed totally with her potty training and gone from almost perfect to pi**ing on the sofa or somewhere every night and just laughing about it. Today she bit DS's finger really hard to leave big teeth marks.

Shall repeat that mantra - I am not alone

I would say to you don't sweat the small stuff and if you are going to battle with your 3 year old make sure it's about really important stuff like hitting or rudeness. Some battles and little bits of bad behaviour are not really that important and sometimes kids want to push the button that puts you into a rage, like licking the butter knife again. Learn to ignore some stuff so when he really does something naughty he knows you mean business when he's disciplined otherwise sitting on the naughty step or whatever has no affect.