Alone and trapped.

[megann93]

wasn't going to post this due to how long it will be but I feel so crappy and emotional and don't know how to cope with it any more it is doing my heading !
I'm 21, Iv got a lg will be 3 in April and my lb is 6 months.
And I feel so alone! My partner works full time as a second chef and his hours are long. He is amazing he fully supports us and will do everything he can do to make us happy. And we are. But hardly see him with his hours. His at work when i wake with the kids, and he will be home around four. Which is when I start dinner and then have dinner and we will spend time as a family, baths and then kids on bed. It does all depend on how his day goes but if it's a tiring day he will come home and sleep, or watch his TV program, play on his ds. Which I don't blame him for I can completely understand. So by time his got home sorted kids, his finally had a bit of time to himself (which I don't get) his tired and goes to bed. But when his in his zone I'm better of talking to a brick wall and I'll just keep repeating myself.
My mum comes round once a week but not every week. And it will only be after work as she works close to our home. But it will just to be to see the kids. When I speak it's like I'm that boring she switches off. And will only stay for 20 minutes tops.
My sister she used to come round Or we would meet in town every Wednesday and Friday. I havnt seen her since Xmas day. My brothers I only see them birthdays/Xmas since iv moved out. (They all still live with my mum) I used to go round about 3 times a week but I always just felt like we were in the way so I'd meet my partner there then walk home (don't drive) If we were to stay there for dinner we wouldn't be offered a lift home. For instance I had a hospital appointment three weeks ago my partner was at work so my mum offered to have the kids. I got back at 7 pick them up at this point it was dark and absolutely freezing and we had to walk back as a film that could of been paused was more important. We didn't get home untill 9 ! With a 6 month old and my daughter who walks every where !
We don't go to any groups as I went to a few and felt really judged and they were in there only little friendship groups I just felt pushed to the side. So never went back.
I have no friends as they all disappeared when I had my first.
My in laws have no part of our lives do to certain circumstances.
Where I live there is nothing for the kids just a little park which is that run down it's a local spot for the druggies.
The town is a ghost town.
There's not even any where nice to just go for a walk without being on a main road.
I'm just stuck at home, I can't wait to be able to drive !
I was supposed to meet one of my partners friends to go out for the day I got the kids ready prams everything sorted and then he text me to say he couldn't in the end.
I just burst into tears, I love being a home mum wouldn't change it for anything, but I just want to pick up and move. Actually be able to go out and socialise with other mums. I feel horrible that my daughter doesn't socialise with other little children. (She doesn't start nursery till September)
I just feel trapped and alone and don't know how much more I can take :'(

This sounds really harf. Have you spoken to your HV about any extra help? Is there a childrens centre near you?

hard

I'm supposed to be seeing my hv in 2 weeks time. And yeah that's where I went to a couple of the groups. But for some it's hard as I'd only be able to take one child in due to the age gap. I just needed to I suppose rant it out :/

I think getting to know people locally is probably the key. Are there other groups you could try? Maybe more focused activities like swimming or music groups?

I found the school gate a great way to make new friends too so that might help in time.

There only the one centre close by the others are too far for my little girl to walk. I used to take my lg swimming once a week and loved it. But since having my lb I havnt been. May sound silly but I'm scared of trying incase I can't cope with the both off them. Example: if my little girl got hurt where am I supposed to baby down. Or the other way around.
Yes I'm hoping when she starts nursery I'll meet a few people.
I'm just really wary of people and think people judge way too easily now days so get a bit paranoid about things :/

Having young children can be a tough time and can be lonely. I think your husband should be more supportive. Have you told him how you feel? Lots of people go to work and yet manage to involve themselves in family life when they come home. He does not deserve a medal for going to work and he needs to do more at home.

There is no reason that you can't go out for a walk when he comes home and leave him alone with the children. Could you check out any evening classes in your area?

Ring your sister and start meeting up with her again. Families can be a pain in the face but I would still visit them when it suits you.

I would go back to the groups just to get out of the house and let your DD have some company. Sod what anyone things about you. Put that out of your head and enjoy yourself with your children. It can be hard but you need to get out of the house.

Things will get better when the DC go to school and you get a bit of alone time. It can seem like forever when your DC are so young but it will pass and you will get your life back.

I think you should go back to the groups with a new aim. Making friends is like meeting a partner ime, you find them when you are not looking.
Go back to tod group with the aim of letting your daughter socialise, she will enjoy it and don't worry what people are thinking because you are a mum taking your little girl out to play who can think anything horrible about that. be distracted with watching her and don't fixate on what others think because you cant possibly know what they are thinking you are guessing their thoughts based on your feelings about yourself at that time. What area are you in? because my son is 1 month younger than your daughter and he so much needs new kids to play with!

Groups are important, and like people said above, some times the key is trying a few different ones, or if that's not an option, just be persistent - you'd be surprised how often what seems like an 'inner circle' at first is just a few people who know each other better than the others!

More importantly though I think you need support at home. Yes, your partner has had a tiring day at work. But you know what else is tiring? Looking after a 3 year old and a 6 month old. And at least at his work he can occasionally go to the toilet alone... Does he ever take the 2 kids for at least a few hours at a time, or if you're not breastfeeding, a whole day? He needs to understand how hard you are working, and that you need time too in the evenings, or at least an extra pair of hands to run the bath while you cook, or hold the baby while you sort out your daughter.
Does your mum also really understand how sad and alone you are feeling? Maybe if she felt more needed she'd also focus a little more on you too.
You're doing a great job in really tough and lonely circumstances, and really hope you can get some more support soon

Also meant to say that while your partner SHOULD be stepping up and helping more just because it's the right thing, if won't be easy to convince him, it might be worth explaining how much happier / better company / cleaner / fitter/ generally more fun as a girlfriend you will be once you've got to have a break. There's a reason they say 'happy wife, happy life'!

Does he have many fathers in his social circle? Were his parents very traditional in their role split? My husband and I were the first among our friends to have kids, and it's hard, because all their mates are living a very different life - and you're a fair bit younger than I was, so I imagine the contrast is even bigger. Maybe if you make other mum friends you could also gently introduce him to some more involved dads. Good luck!