Mums with disabilities - I salute you

[RainDancer]

I had an accident yesterday and hurt my back. Nothing permanent (I hope) but has restricted what I can do and makes everything seem like a monumental effort. Got me thinking how much I take for granted not struggling to do simple things (like pick up my toddler) and how there must be countless parents out there struggling to do the day to day chores of parenting because of disabilities. Despite the title, my admiration does of course extend to Dads and indeed anyone that manages to get on with life with a disability. I was just particularly struck, as a Mum, how vulnerable I feel when I've got a small person relying on me completely and there are certain things I just can't do. Anyway, I just wanted to say, if you are having a shit day, are wondering why you bother because nobody appreciates what you do despite how hard you are striving, that this Mum, with a sore back, totally thinks you are amazing. As you were.

Nice post OP. Hope your back gets better soon!

Thanks Wolf. Sporting some impressive bruises but at least able to move now!

I hope your back is better soon. Indeed we take a lot for granted.

A friend of mine fell unexpectedly ill last year. She was in intensive care for a long time and has now lost a leg and full use of her hands . She has three children under five. Just devastating. But she is learning to adapt and do things differently.

It could happen to any of us at any time.

That made me well up a bit.

I have rheumatoid arthritis and 2 dc under 2. Not a disability as such but some days are unbelievably hard and I can barely walk never mind lift my Dcs downstairs.

Thanks for your nice post. Hats off to those worse off than I am.

I don't know how you do it Nocturne, except that you just have to I suppose. I find it bone crushingly tiring just being a Mum at the best of times, without the additional challenges. Anyway, as I said, I think you're amazing.

Good Luck getting better
I had a but of difficulty adjusting to the wheelchair user thing, but actually I now wonder how parents cope without one. If The kids are tired, they just climb up on the wheelchair for a ride. Made supermarket shopping with kids great as they loaded us up ever higher....

You are down at their level so can see their faces - if you are standing up as an adult you can only see their partings in their hair.

At reception class pick up, the whole class would all queue up for a ride on the back, and I would hear about their day. The other mums were chatting to each other two feet or so above our heads. i got to know the kids better than the mums.

My kids adapted very quickly. When I got too weak at one point to reach to lift my toddler up on my lap I felt heart broken as she walked away. But within 24 hours she had found a way to get up on my lap when she wanted.

They are getting older now, and both of them attract comments about how mature they are. Apparently this goes with having a disabled parent. I did try really hard to make sure that they never had to become young carers, but would be thanked warmly when they volunteered. I do feel for families where the care package is less generous and the kids get roped in for care roles.

If someone gave me a magic wand and offered me a second run with legs and no wheelchair, I'd still pick the wheelchair. We have had a happier life than we would have done otherwise, I think

Lovely post senvet

Exactly rain dancer , I do however thank god for medication which definitely helps .

Sorry about your back OP. DO give it time to heal as this is an investment in your back health :)

Agree that you make adjustments over time. My daughter doesn't come to me if she wants to be lifted or say a jar of paint opened etc....But then its me she asks about where clean clothes are, food, other stuff as I managed to do laundry, cooking etc so I guess this is similar for all families!

I think the hard part is matching that idea of motherhood that is in your head .... with the one your body can manage. I always wanted a big family of adventurous kids, one baby always on my hip, at my breast while I chased the others round and cooked amazing meals.... But we are UTTERLY BLESSedto have the one child we could manage to breed, she is amazing and has also adapted to what we can manage. I was able to walk more when she was tiny and loved walking with the buggy. If id had her now I wouldn't have been able to so I am thankful.

What I can do, what all disabled parents can do is much more important than what they can't. The love between parent and child is worth more than anything. My daughter sometimes forgets and hurts me...but mostly she is very sensitive. For example she gives me hands hugs...and my husband and I have feet hugs in bed as my back, arms and anc neck are so painful.

She has the needs I can;t provide from others and sometimes I see myself as her coordinator i.e. I arrnage thisfor her. E.g. our best neighbour friends have her on Mondays from 3 till 7 and some weeks I use this time to teach. DD plays and eats in a busy house of 4 siblings who all adore her. She learns hair,makeup, music from one, she plays rough and tumble and trampolines with another, she will pretend to be an animal for hours with the others etc and they sometimes take her to the cinema etc. My Dad taes her swimming, My Mum and DH's parents sdo stuff with her that I can't manage.....And I sometimes worry that they are much more fun as when she gets home its times for chores, homework etc etc Boring Mummy! But no, she gets MUMMY love from Mummy (and daddy :) ) and that's different.

But yes, I agree, total salute to those parenting with bodie different to the 'average'. We do not live in an equal world (Last week I was told I couldn't help out at Brownie thinking day after all as they couldn't accommodate"all this" gesturing to wheelchair....) GGRRRRRR.

But children adapt so well

I'm a 28 not pregnant yet but I miscarried I'm disabled I have hereditary spastic paraparesis it's not hereditary as I'm the only one in my family with it and the gene that is causing my disability hasn't been discovered so it's annoying as ever since February the 15th Feb 2018 I've fallen over 15 times ambulance crew came out on Sunday to get me up because I couldn't physically get up. I can't wait to try for a baby I was told by consultant from the hospital told me that there's 50-50 chance my child could get my disability if that frustrating enough I'm kinda scared if they get it. I'm getting electric wheelchair in a few weeks and I can't wait I've been researching what aids I can get for when I get pregnant

Perused the Mums with disabilities board for the first time yesterday evening and clicked on this post. Realised it was a couple of years old, but saw your post at the bottom @AshFrances and nearly cried - such a weird coincidence that I read this thread, because I have an HSP gene and DH and I are thinking about having a baby.

AshFrances have you been told about PGD, pre-implantation genetic diagnosis? This is the way I will be having a baby, if at all - it's IVF where they can select an egg that does not have the faulty gene, so you don't pass the condition on to your children. Feel free to PM me if you want to.

I have a spinal cord injury and 2 under 5, another on the way. This made me well up too. Hope you're on the mend op x