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Parenting

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Original poster

If your child was a very fussy eater and went to a friend's for tea - would you tell friend's Mum?

20 replies

MamaGhoul · 21/10/2006 23:28

DD had a friend over on Thursday. As usual, I asked her to ask him what his fave meal was - sausage and chips, he informed her.

Sausage and chips he got. He ate the sausages but wouldn't eat the chips because they were oven chips and he doesn't eat oven chips.

I gave them a drink of water (all my children have in the house). He informed me he only drinks fruit shoots (! Mum obviously not an MNer !)

I'd baked a cake (just a victoria sponge) but he said he only ate Jaffa Cakes, so he had a yoghurt - although on seeing my two scoffing theirs, generously offered to try a piece and wolfed it down!

When his Mum collected him, she asked if he'd eaten - I told her what he had and she said "oh thats great, he's a really fussy eater and doesn't eat much usually".

I just thought that I'd have liked to have been told in advance, so I could have made something he did like. Its no big deal really, I'm sure he could have a snack at home later, but I just though I would have told another Mum.

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2shoescreepingthroughblood · 21/10/2006 23:46

i wouldn't worry
dc is very fussy. when he used to go to tea at friends houses is(he is bit old now) he often wouldn't eat much.
when he had friends ove I always coked the treat kind of meal. fishfingers/chips/spaggetti(always oven chips) most will eat some of it.

harpsichordcarrion · 21/10/2006 23:48

I would normally say - jsut give her whatever you're having, but only give her a little bit because she might not eat it. she doesn't eat much anyway.
then I would just offer her something when she got home

handlemecarefully · 21/10/2006 23:50

I think it is polite to warn another mum that your child is a fussy eater so I am with you on this one MamaGhoul...

I would generally say, "dd is a bit picky - so please don't be offended if she doesn't eat anything. Don't go to any trouble over her and just cook what you were planning to make anyway, but please don't worry if she leaves some of her meal"

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GRUMPYGHOUL · 21/10/2006 23:51

DS doesnt eat anything I always tell his mates mums so that they dont think its their cooking.

busybusymum · 21/10/2006 23:52

I always say because I dont want other parent to go to a lot of trouble and worry if my LO doesnt touch food and also because I would want my child to have an enjoyable time and not feel uncomfortable.

ghosty · 22/10/2006 00:25

We had some friends round for dinner with their two girls a while back. I asked her what they ate. She said, "Oh, they'll eat anything". So I made lasagne, salad and garlic bread. I had been prepared to do fish and oven chips for her children if necessary.
They came, I served up for the children first. Both girls wouldn't eat any of it. My friend then said that they were really fussy eaters and hardly eat anything.
I ended up having to make them sandwiches.
I thought it was really bizarre as she had the chance to tell me, I said over the phone, "I'll be making lasagne but I can do something else for them if you like" ...
My DS will genuinely eat anything but for DD I do say to people, "Don't go out of your way, if she won't eat it don't worry ...." as I am a bit of a 'if you don't eat your dinner there is nothing else' type mum and she is used to it.

PinkTulips · 22/10/2006 00:29

haven't reached that stage with dd yet but i'd probably say something like; 'don't make anything special for her, she probably won't eat much as she's quite fussy so don't put yourself out'. wouldn't want someone to cook something specifically for dd only to have her reject it because the chips aren't like at home!

Skribble · 22/10/2006 00:32

I would only mention major dislikes, especially if they are popular with most kids, my DS won't eat potatoes in any form, it is a genuine dislike, if I knew they were likely to be on the menu I would perhaps suggest a slice of bread would be fine as a substitue.

Eating out and at freinds is often an opportunity to try something new so I wouldn't phone up with a list, perhaps just say don't worry if he doesn't eat, he can be a bit fussy sometimes.

ClutterJunkie · 22/10/2006 02:00

my boys are fussy- and i do warn people. usually, they then do serve the food they will eat...even if it means they don't eat the whole meal....because we have talked about it...there is no anxiety.

because my boys are so fussy...i tend to automatiically check if having one of their friends to tea...whether they are fussy too...or alergic to anything etc...and hourougly enjoy it when a child vists who loves food as much as I do!!! I makes such a change to me to have a child round who eats well...!!!

sound like you were offering a lovely meal... and as far as water goes...well mine don't have it often...bt i have expalined to them that it is what alot of people prefer...and they have to have it if that is what the family has where they have been invited...equally...if i have a child round i check with the mum what their child is allowed....and if for example they are not allowed juice/squash...or processed food...crisps etc....then i respect that...and try to serve a meal which suits both famlies.

lucy5 · 22/10/2006 02:31

My dd was going to a friend's house and the nanny asked if she would like to stay for tea. I said that I didn't want to put her to any bother and she said don't worry, we have a chef! and that she could have whatever she wanted. Dd had a cheese sandwich

Chandra · 22/10/2006 03:07

I'm going to give a different point of view here but, sometimes it's impossible to say what your child will eat or not. Many times I wish other mums could only accept, that although I'm touched by their eagerness in cooking something DS could have, I'm more confortable with sending his food. (he has several food allergies)

Then, nice mum insists to cook something DS could eat which causes said mum to spend hours in the supermarket realising that every single thing she would buy for their DC has one or another thing that will cause DS a reaction.

It took me weeks to get to know the hidden names of the allergens DS can't have, I can not simply expect that a poor mum get it all right in an afternoon, so I spend the time watching the phone in case they call me to tell me DS is reacting to something.

Or, if they get it right, and after all that work having DS deciding that he won't eat it really mortifies me

ie. Friend coming to dinner offered to bring a dessert, he choose a lovely ice cream cake and then spent hours trying to find something similar that DS could eat, so at the end, tired of looking, he opted for a kind of exclusive lemon sorbet made by a local prducer. When we were about to have the dessert someone mentioned that some artisan producers use egg or milk in lemon sorbets, so we spent a few minutes finding the number of the place and then speaking to a sucession of staff until they safely confirmed that that sorbet had not been near milk, egg or nuts and didn't contain soya. So.... convinced it was safe we served it to DS who tasted it and said...I don't like this! [AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH]

Similarly, when we have other children visiting, they are not used to the flavour of free-from-everything food, so the normal norm of not giving them extra options doesn't apply here either.

Original poster

MamaGhoul · 22/10/2006 09:49

Thanks, I'm not alone then

Chandra, my nephew had a lot of allergies when he was younger (now 15 he seems to be outgrowing them) and when he came to stay for weekend, his Mum would send a coolbox full of food he could eat! I was glad though, it meant I could relax withoug worrying I was giving him something which would cause a bad reaction

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anniebear · 22/10/2006 10:52

I would say if mine were fussy eaters

I will always check with the parents if there is anything they do or don't like

busybusymum · 22/10/2006 13:50

One of DD friends has an allergy so his mum sends along a plate of food for parties and she always asks what sort of things the other kids are having so that her DS can have similar.

All the other kids like the look of what his lad has on his plate more than there own!!!

roisin · 22/10/2006 14:12

I would prefer people not to tell me actually. I do find fussy eaters slightly annoying, but I find it far more irritating if I've gone to a lot of hassle and bother to sort out something that they will eat, and then they refuse to eat that either. Much better to do what we'd normally do, and guest child can like it or lump it. IMO parents of fussy eaters are very used to them not eating at all, so it's not the end of the world if he goes home hungry.

Gobbledispook · 22/10/2006 14:12

I don't say anything. Sometimes ds will eat things he wouldn't normally, especially if he is at a friend's house and his friend is eating it. If I gave the mother a list of things he is guaranteed to eat I'm missing out on an opportunity to offer different things to him.

I don't ask what other people's children like - I just make something and hope for the best! Tbh, it's what I do with my kids even though they can be fussy - they get what they are given and they either eat it or they don't!

As long as other parents don't mind, this is the approach I'd rather they take with my children. So far, so good - they've eaten a few things that I don't make them at home, like meatballs or curry.

roisin · 22/10/2006 14:14

Allergies are different of course.
But we took quite a few 'fussy eaters' away with school, and in the absence of alternatives they all ate remarkably well. (The food was not great btw!) But then they had no choice: if they didn't eat it, they went hungry.

ilovecaboose · 22/10/2006 14:17

ds is only 2 but cos he is terrible when eating this is something I worry about. He also has food allergies.

Personally I'd think it was only polite to tell someone, and then tell them not to worry if they don't eat anything and not to put themselves out.

When ds goes anywhere (except grandparents) I provide his food at the moment.

ilovecaboose · 22/10/2006 14:17

Oh yeah there's also the fact that even if they don't eat it at home they might for someone else

Blondilocks · 22/10/2006 14:20

We tell LOs friends mums - but then they are people we know pretty well anyway. We're encouraging her to try stuff that they cook so now we pretty much say you're to eat what you're given & be polite about it (although generally they know what she likes so cook something that's not a problem).

It just started that she was saying, oh I don't like that & the mum ended up cooking something else instead, but we want to encourage her to try new food & also to not be a complete pain for her friends mothers.

LO has had a friend round & my mum (who looks after her after school) gave the friend a choice of what to eat & she cooked it then the friend said she didn't like it! I think my mum was really p**d off as she chose the food & refused to let her have pudding (that is one of the rules for LO so think it should also apply to friends too).

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