Advice on coping with baby and toddler...

[Gem13]

Have 21 month old DS and 9 week DD. Am finding it difficult looking after both of them at the same time. Am breastfeeding and DD likes to be held if not feeding...

DS is attention seeking more and more and I am at a loss as to how to entertain him (he's not that interested in tv ).

Trips out to toddler groups, music groups, etc. are fine. It's being at home that we are finding difficult. I can tell he's bored with his toys and books although he does play well on his own there is a limit!

Anyone got recommendations for books on quick things to do with toddlers, toys to keep him occupied, etc.?

the main things I did were using a sling for baby, lots of jigsaws, got a cheap elc tea set so dd could 'make me a cup of tea' whilst I fed ds (I have a 20 month age gap), lots of books, playing shop with an old purse and empty boxes.

I only have one right now - but she loves stickers, and will happily spend long periods of time sticking them everywhere. and what about one of those drawing pads with the magnetic pen (don't know what they're called)must be tough....hope you get some good advice here

There are 15 months between my two sons. ds2 is now 8 months old and I am currently weaning him off the breast. I found ds1's behaviour got worse every time I fed ds2 but I tried to create a routine for ds1 such that whenever I went to feed ds2 I would get a drink of milk or water for ds1 and we would watch a few minutes of either the Teletubbies or the Tweenies during the course of the feed (breastfeeding ds2 on the right with arm round ds1 on the left and vice versa). I suppose in a way breastfeeding ds2 became a sort of treat for ds1. It is hard work... but I am convinced small age gaps will be good in the end! We are already thinking and #3 - which will definitely be the last!

This may or may not be helpful but I do remember that in the first 2-3 months after ds2 was born I would go to almost any lengths to avoid spending time at home with them both on my own....ds1 would inevitably play up and I would end up blowing up at him. BUT in the last month or so it has become much much easier - ds1 settling down and ds2 also becoming easier to entertain and more predictable. I don't have any magic strategies to suggest - I relied on going out to toddler groups or friends houses where I could feed ds2 while ds1 played safely - at home I would feed either while ds1 ate (he eats pretty independently) or after setting up something like playdough or a jigsaw for him to do, while I sat and helped. Ds2 didn't need holding all the time though - I can imagine that must be hard for you as it must provoke jealousy more - I made a deliberate effort to have ds2 nap out of sight so that I could concentrate on ds1 while he was asleep.

gem13 - my sympathy. I remember this very well - sad to say I only lasted 4 months breastfeeding dd because I found it so stressful. However, on the positive side, one thing that did work for me for a while...have a special bag of things for your older child that is only brought out when you breastfeed the baby.Lots of things in it for the older one to sort through - you know the kind of things your ds might like. I had stickers, buttons, little people, shells and stones and other bits and bobs and pots and jars to put them all in.
Agree in getting toddler drink and snack too to make more of an 'event' for him. Good luck!

hi gem13
absolutely no advice whatsoever but thank you so much to everyone for your ideas so far - I've got a 7 week old who never sleeps and spends most of his time attached to my breasts, and an 18 month old who's feeling the lack of attention. more ideas please!

Agree with all the ideas so far - jigsaws, reading, tv, were always a good one for me, as were snacks or a drink for toddler. Also a tape recorder with songs was good. Teddy-bear tea parties were good - I would send dd1 off repeatedly to get another teddy to join in - I was always amazed at how long she'd keep on fetching more. Personally I found this phase the toughest but, believe me, it does pass - number two grows twice as quick as number one. And it is wonderful when they really start playing/chatting/laughing together

Thanks everyone for the ideas. I think I've been lazy (and tired) up until now and it's been easy to try to ignore DS and let him amuse himself but then it usually ends in tears.

I'm going to be more proactive and try to think things through a bit better. Wearing DS out in the mornings (and spending time with him while DD sleeps) so that when we come home he sleeps and I spend time with DD has worked the last couple of days. It helps having the nice weather too.

I'm going to try and involve him more in the decision making with DD. I already ask him if I should feed DD and he always says yes and then is well behaved. I need to reassess his toys and books too as he has had the same lot for a while.

Really looking forward to them playing together. She already thinks he is fantastic!

I sympathise, I found it very hard with my two (age gap of 30 months) because DD1 was so demanding. Resorted to bribes of chocloate, ice cream etc and little treats like stickers, little dolls, balloons. Did not rush to do anything - if it took an hour to have breakfast and get dressed - well that was another hour gone. Also let her do water play, painting, play dough, sticking - she loves messy stuff and sees it as a treat. When the weather was warmer we spent a lot of time in the garden. It does get easier particuarly when they are not feeding so often. Have you tried using a sling for the baby - frees your hands up.

Its really hard, I also have a 15 month gap between mine aswell evenmom, luckily my oldest was so brilliant, and my youngest was the nightmare, i did find it hard to divide my attention and i made everyone fuss over my oldest rather than the baby so she wouldn't feel left out.
All i could suggest is playdough, painting gluing etc etc, pop up tents are quite good and not too expensive depending on where you get them. Its hard to entertain them, i still find it hard to find things for them to do now and they are 5 and 4. But i think when they get older it becomes less hard. I think i have gone off the subject abit here, lol.

Thanks for the thoughts everyone as well - my dd is 5 weeks tomorrow and my ds is 29 months so we are having the same "problems" at the moment. I feel sorry for ds's "demotion" but hope too that they will be friends one day making it all worth it. Ds obviously likes dd but then also does other things which show his jealousy. Lucysmum, I can really relate to your "well that was another hour gone" comment because I too have been living by the hour. I am just now getting over the shock of how difficult it is with two, especially when you are used to a certain way of being / independence with your older one.
The water idea is a great idea and I am going to try that as well... We've just bought a double buggy and I went out with them both in it today which was nice as ds was content.... I too find staying at home difficult.
Another idea might be a small sandpit in the garden?

Ta for all these ideas - I'm not at that stage yet, but it's the bit I'm worrying about most! I know, 7 months ahead is a long way to be planning strategies, but it makes me feel better . . .

i have a 15 month age gap and luckily not too many problems. I found feeding whilst sat on floor so toddler could look at book or play with puzzles really helped i also constantly talked to toddler when feeding or changing nappy so she knew i was still paying attention to her.