Wedding invite... what to do!

[pipnchops]

My DD is 16 weeks old today and me and my DH have been invited to a wedding at the beginning of May and I don't think we can take DD. The invitation didn't say anything about no children but it's just our two names on the invite. They want an RSVP by early March.

I ebf DD and both DH and I have bonded incredibly with her, perhaps a bit too well in that she won't be held by anyone else for longer than about 30 seconds without crying! And she doesn't like being put down for long so we basically have to hold her A LOT.

My mum lives nearby and I could ask her to look after DD while we go to the wedding but I just know I won't enjoy myself as I'll be worrying about my mum struggling with a crying baby and DD being upset. I see my mum regularly but she has lost confidence in holding my DD for any length of time because she doesn't like to upset her.

Also in terms of feeding I worry as when I express I don't get very much out and it takes ages, then DD usually refuses to take the bottle and I end up throwing my precious milk down the drain! So I've kind of given up trying. I could persevere with that though I guess.

The bride is a former work colleague of my DH so he could just go without me and I wouldn't mind, but we're both really good friends with this couple and I'd love to see them get married. I've already had to turn down an invite to her hen do for the same reasons I am considering turning down the wedding invite.

I guess I just feel like a bit of a wimp and like I should allow myself a day off, as other mums do. I worry that I'm too protective and clingy to my DD and I've created this problem.

Obviously the wedding is not until May, but I have to make a decision at the beginning of March and as things stand now I can't see how I can go. But my question is how likely is it that the situation will be any different by May? She'll be on solid food by then. Also is it worth asking the couple of we can bring DD, as the invitation wasn't specific about her not being invited, but I don't want to put them on the spot.

Any advice would be much appreciated and sorry for the long post!

call bride and ask nicely. she might say no in which case I'd make sure DC spent lots of time with my mum and could take a bottle of expressed milk and I'd go to the wedding!

Is it far away? Could you go to the service and see them getting married and then leave DH to the rest of the day?

Yep just a quick "can I just double check no Babies to the wedding? Just so I can make arrangements if needed x"

Just go! Baby will be much older by then and once on solids is much easier to leave.

Your dm will appreciate some alone time with her dgd. I should think if baby is used to her then she will settle nicely when you're gone.

You can always leave her with ready made bottles of formula for milk feeds , you don't need to express.

You can always get back for bedtime if you not comfortable leaving her the whole day and eve. Just you'll get to see the main Event and the meal.

THis bit jumped out at me:
"I guess I just feel like a bit of a wimp and like I should allow myself a day off, as other mums do. I worry that I'm too protective and clingy to my DD and I've created this problem."

Stop beating yourself up about wanting to hold and be with your baby! An attached baby is not a problem, and you're allowed to follow your instincts without calling yourself (or being called) "clingy" or "wimpy" ...

I'd say, check with the bride, then go or don't go according to what you and your DH want to do. IIRC I had two invitations to weddings when my elder son was under 1, he went along in a sling and was no bother, and personally I wouldn't have gone without him.

Re expressing - at your DD's age it's likely she'll be making demands on your milk supply (4 month growth spurt/sleep regression and all that) so don't be disheartened if you're not getting much, and do persevere if you think that giving EBM is something you'd like the option of. You can freeze it too, even if you just end up using it in her food later, no need to pour it away :)

Thanks for your replies. I'll check whether we can bring DD but say I completely understand if not and go from there. I'm liking the option of just going to the ceremony, as the wedding isn't far from where my mum lives so I'm sure I could leave DD with her for just an hour. I've done this before when I've needed to go to the dentist and opticians and I just leave DD in her buggy and mum takes her for a walk. I will preserve with the bottle though as it would be nice to stay for the meal after too. Thanks all, really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

If the wedding is near to your mums house, wouldl have time to nip to your mum's to feed dd and then back to the wedding in between the service and the reception. You'll only miss the photos.

That would be a great idea but I think it is a bit too far to do that (approx 40mins drive). I think mum is going to have to come with us to the town where the wedding is and during the ceremony walk around with DD.

When I got married I was adamant that there would be no babies ( just thinking about it now), so my friend got her mum to bring her ebf baby over and the venue found them a quiet place to have a feed and a play before the mum took her for a trip round the park and then home.