Going quietly mad

[Caribbeanqueen]

I have just moved back to UK after a few years abroad, to a new town, and know nobody. There are toddler groups but all in the morning and dd sleeps for 2 hours every morning, so miss them all. Also I'm pretty shy so it takes me ages to talk to anyone anyway. So I tend to stay at home and entertain dd on my own, with major excursion being food shopping or M&S cafe! I love being able to spend so much time with dd but I am quietly going mad and need to get some kind of life quickly.

Should I try to "reprogramme" dd so she doesn't sleep in the morning or resign myself to being bored and lonely? Any advice very welcome!

omg, you are me 6 mths ago!
I joined the NCT, after deciding I bordered on being agoraphobic, frequenting only the local shopping mall and coffee shop.
I also looked up meets on here, I've been to one which was really nice!
Where are you based?

A long time ago now but I moved with babies 18mths and 3mths and joined the NCT in the new area and made loads of friends through their meets in each others houses etc. Still able to dip in and out like toddler groups. I also went to every toddler group I could find. I was really shy but had to bite the bullet as was staying in tiny upper flat with no outside space.

I know what you mean. I had planned to take dd swimming today but she has been asleep for over 2 hours so too late now.

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CQ, nonono please don't be bored and lonely. Please don't. Hmmmm. Nap does sound a problem, doesn't it. Could you wake her up after a hour or so? Then she might kip in the afternoon. And/or what about doing something for you in the mornings, irrespective of dd (would she sleep in her buggy)? Will rack brains. Am hopeless mother myself, btw. Hugs.

Where are you based? there is bound to be a MN-er or two in the area who could at least tell you about other activities in the afternoons, if you post a q about that area.
I do think the NCT is a good idea, and MN meet-ups!
Also now that the weather is getting ever so slightly better, could you visit your local playground regularly in the afternoons? You will soon spot the same people regularly for a 'hello'.

I'd take her out in the morning and then get her to sleep after lunch. And do stuff for yourself too. And join the NCT. It can be a lifeline. How old is your dd?

Thanks for your suggestions. I hadn't thought about the NCT, I thought it was only pregnancy and birth. I'll definitely look it up though.

I think the swimming classes are also mornings, and definitely can't put on costume at the moment anyway!

Kiwisbird - you sound exactly like me - have you met loads of people now?

I also find the people, including other mothers I see around, look quite unfriendly and unapproachable. Maybe it's because I have been living somewhere very friendly, so this is a bit of a shock to my system.

Anyway, time for my M$S trip, so I'll catch up with you later. thanks again for suggestions.

OOhh I feel for you - have felt very similiar myself. check out teh thread 'I'm soooooooo bored' - lots of useful suggestions on there for htings to do that wil get you out adn about. I Know how hard it is but things do get better if you can get out adn about. hopefully there'll be some decent weather now so you can go walking i fnothing else. I'd also try adn cut down on teh morning nap &/or take baby out to sleep in buggy. keep your chin up .XXX

Had and still have the same problem. But got to the stage when ds was 7 months when I was lonely and felt too that he needed to meet other people. Initially ds cried through the baby groups/music groups because he was tired and used to having a sleep in the morning but he seems to have adjusted. Now he just conks out as soon as the groups finish and we just have a later lunch and he usually manages a bit of a sleep in the afternoon too since I think he finds the groups quite tiring so that is a bonus too

CQ.....check out www.netmums.co.uk as they have loads of things to do and you can find out what is going on in your area. Try leisure centres and libraries for story times. Where do you live?

Bathtime Babe and CQ, I think it's possible that other Mums are doing the same thing as you - worrying about beinb seen to be desparate, and seeming stand-offish in return! I found that I had to make a conscious effort to make friends with children, as none of my old friends did, and that plenty of other Mums were actually doing the same things. Look for Mums who seem to have only one chiuld - and I suspect that older mothers (like me!) are the ones who aren't in well-set up long term cliques, as they're the ones whose friends aren't all new Mums, IYSWIM.

TRy for activities in a place with a cafe or park on site, then after the activity (Tumble Tots, a music session?) you can say I'm going for a coffee/to the swings, would you like to join us?

This sounds like me. I've just got my list of M&B groups through and I'm trying to pluck up the courage to go. Have always worked and had friends that way and finding it so hard like you as I don't know any other mums. DD also becoming a tad unsociable as she's just stuck with me all day. We both get soooo bored Good luck and I hope things improve with you. (sorry no helpful advice)