i have a really unhappy 15mth old and don't know why

[YorkshireTeaGold]

Hi, not even sure why I'm posting as I'm not sure there's an answer... Just to feel less alone I guess.

Dd2 is 15mths and it's horrendous. She was a colicky baby, cried all the time, never settled. She seems to have gone straight from that to a teething and sickly toddler. Shes also physically very big and strong so can't take your eyes off her for a minute.

She gets up early, 5-5.30 common. It was 4.40 this morning. I'm just so tired of having to work and look after dd1 as well. I'm a terrible mum to dd1 as so tired, cebeebies on far to much and I'm shouting more then I should because of the stress of crying all day. Feel so alone as my friends either only have 1 or have easy(Er) babies. Feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Dh is brilliant and often gets up with her ashe knows I'm getting depressed but nowit's affecting him too. I've asked him towfh today as scared to be alone with them, he's got a meeting and I feel like a failure.

Took her to the docs on Monday as she had a rash... He said maybe she'd had a virus, couldn't tell. She was badly ill all December and a bit in January... Teething too I think.

Thanks for reading this far, I just don't know what to do. Can't listen to her crying anymore, she's so tired but as she wakes early there's not much I can do.

Poor you. It sounds so tough.
I have a cryer too, she's 16 months and it has got easier over time but its still hard. I'm told some babies are just like that until they grow out of it.
I think you need to try and organise some time out. Maybe leaving your two with dh.
Or putting them in nursery for a day if finances allow. Mine has thrived since nursery and isn't as much of a cryer.
And maybe a visit to the drs for yourself? It might be good to have a chat about how your feeling. I went on ad's for a while to help.
And - its defiantly not you or anything you've done.
Having time out will hopefully allow you to stay calmer around dd too.
Good luck.
It's really tough, I've been there and slowly slowly coming out.

Ps hopefully someone will be along to help you with the early rising.
Does she nap during the day?
I find that if dd naps ok during the day, she sleeps better and wakes at a normal time (after 6am!)

But of an odd question but what time of day does she poop? If it's early morning, not long after waking could you try to change that pattern by giving her prune juice the night before just to rule out digestive discomforts??

Also have you tried interrupting her sleep? This can help by interfering with the cycle. If she wakes at 5.30 I would go in at 4.45 to disturb her, maybe just give her a small drink then settle her again.

Also if she is so grumpy throughout the day it is possible that she is tired. Getting up that early you would think she would be ready to go back down around 9 ish

Does she self settle?

I have a child the same age who swings between joyful and fun to furious and screaming; this seems to include night times. I have few explanations for the grouchy phases - but I do suspect teething is playing a part.

I need to go out a lot with my son. In all weathers, he gets all the waterproofs on and we go to the park so he can shake off some energy and stands a chance of napping nicely. When your daughter wakes so early is she absolutely awake? I won't let my son get up so early and keep him in bed until he eventually goes back to sleep. This is mainly for my sanity.

I'm sure there's nothing that you're doing wrong. I know how wearing having one crabby toddler is - nevermind a older child too. So take breaks when you can, if you can get a day off then please do.

I bet a lot of the issue is teething also winter is a crappy time with toddlers - Constant colds and not able to get outside as much. I bet she improves once some better weather arrives. Do you give her vitamins? DS was very cold/snotty back in oct/Nov, I got more vigilant at giving him a daily dose of vitamins and noticed a definite improvement.

In regards to the early waking I'd second a previous posters suggestion at going in and trying to resettle her. Maybe introduce a groclock, a lot of people swear by them. Maybe a bit too young still to understand but certainly should start getting it in a few months.

Also please go and see a doctor yourself - sleep deprivation and dealing with a demanding toddler is hard work.

Thanks so much for your answers!

I really don't want to go on ads as had a breakdown in my 20s and was on shedloads. They had lots of side effects and I also don't want to feel like I'm back there again as I worked so hard to get over it. Don't feel like I'm properly depressed as if I could have a rest I'd be fine.

Also a prob in that we have no help, my dps elderly and miserable and in laws far away and selfish. Do does heaps which just makes me feel more guilty.

They're both in nursery 3 days a week as I work so can't afford any more.

We try and get out lots as it's worse round the house.

Sorry for curt response, Dds running riot!

Think winter and teething a bad mix.

DD was a joy at this age, so much fun, always smiling and happy. I LOVED age 15-17 months, so notable that 10 years on I still remember how lovely she was

DS.

DS......?

Where to begin.

I think I'll copy and paste your post if that's ok Yorkshire?

My goodness, I know children are different but he was horrific. Clingy, crying, wanting me to do in a chair all day where he could see me. I couldn't fart without him wanting a piece of the.action.

Exhausting and I really did think I'd done something wrong as he was so different to DD.

Here's the good news. He's now 22 months and a joy! Entertaining, loving, fewer tantrums, more independent, less clingy.

His sleep is still hit and miss but you can't have it all I suppose!

No idea what I did to facilitate this. I'm pretty sure.I had no say actually!

So, stop beating yourself up - you aren't a bad mum. CBeebies rules, if you need it you use it.

Make sure you're both getting out and about each day, a half hour toddle works wonders to exhaust them to keep them mentally and physically stimulated.

If you scoop her quickly up and into bed with you when she wakes does she go back to sleep then?

Don't rule out ADs. Going back on them isnt a sign of failure.

I've been there, again.I could have written this from your post :

They had lots of side effects and I also don't want to feel like I'm back there again as I worked so hard to get over it. Don't feel like I'm properly depressed as if I could have a rest I'd be fine.

You don't have to go back on the same meds.

You do need help though, have a chat with your GP.see what they recommend.

evanpeters, yes my dd1 was lovely at this age too. Slept 12 hours and was talking a bit. So hard not to compare!

hakluyt, we've tried everything... Leaving her, settling her in cot, bringing her in with us. Nothing works when she's determined and we try for hours. When she's settled she sleeps til 6.30+ but this is rare and then she's teething or sick again and it goes to pot.

It's annoying as I'd do wake to sleep but it's a different time every morning so I don't know when to wake her iyswim.

Thanks so much for posting, really helps x

Sorry, to answer pps... She can self settle and is a great napper, she usually has 1.5 hrs after lunch when I wake her as find if she sleeps longer it makes the early waking worse.

I don't think it's a poo thing as she usually has her milk 6 ish and does a poo after this. Could be related maybe?

You have my sympathy, I had a baby like your dd, I didn't enjoy the first 2 years of her life as most of the time it was hell. She wouldn't sleep for more than 3 hours at a time, we ended up co sleeping, not that it helped, she would cry a lot, nothing I did seemed to work and I questioned my parenting skills. She didn't sleep through until she started school and would then still wake early ( but at least I got more than 4 hours sleep ). I then had dd2 and she was a dream compared to dd1, rarely cried, could take her anywhere and anyone could hold her, she would happily sit in her bouncy chair all day watching me do house work.

Some babies are just hard work, hard to please and cry a lot, it's hell if you have one of these but it does get easier, you are doing the best you can, make the most of the time she is in nursery, catch up on some sleep if you can and do something for you ( I know this is hard if you work ), things will improve.

endler you poor thing that sounds awful! Glad your dd2 is good. I didn't realise how good dd1 was til dd2 arrived!

She does sleep through sometimes... Glimpses of hope. You don't realise how much of it is down to the child, it's really out of your hands.

You could try seeking help from a sleep coach. Prices vary (£100+) but it could make all the difference.

Here's an example www.lovemornings.com though i cant vouch for effectiveness but its certainly something id consider.

Good luck x

Have you tried getting your heating to go on earlier (4:30 am or so)? My DD often kicks off her duvet in the night and wakes early because she is cold. Putting the heating on early often helps.