Balancing independent play and stimulation from mummy

[musica]

What do you think is a good balance between young children (under 3) playing on their own and making their own games, with time led by mummy? My two definitely have lots of independent time, but maybe not so much stimulation from me as they should have - they are so good at playing on their own and together that I'm able to be a bit lazy. But I do feel quite guilty that I don't lead their play more. On the other hand I think it is important for them to be able to play together happily, and also to make up their own games. When I'm eavesdropping on ds (2.10) he makes up very elaborate games, with lots of roleplaying, where he does all the voices of all the characters. I'm sure he would not do this if I was always there.

What do you think?

well, DD has just turned 3 and we definitely go for "benign neglect". like your DS she plays complicated games, different characters with different voices and will happily sit with pens and paper or books for a couple of hours. We tend to wait for her to ask us to join in or to play a board game (which she loves) rather than muscling in on her happy play. We also have certain things that we do together, she loves baking so we make a batch of something every w/e.

DD goes to school from 8-5 every day so I suppose we've tended to assume she likes the quiet/space of playing on her own or relaxing with a book in the same way as we like to collapse for 20 mins before getting supper started. We do tell her how good she is to place nicely on her own and will maybe say 2give me a call if you want me to play".

Benign neglect - now that's an area where I'm an expert. Dh and I were discussing yesterday the merits of getting ds1 (just turned 3) to change ds2's (almost 1) nappy so as we could continue to read the papers uninterupted. Ds1 wasn't that keen - but possibly if we had had a dd1 instead it might have worked?

More seriously I get to start off various games and if I'm lucky I can set something up and gradually sneak off. He still loves my attention and would much rather have my full involvement. Drives me nuts I'm afraid - playig with fire engines just isn't me I'm afraid...

lol sobernow ! Musica, if it is any comfort I often feel the same. When they are together they amuse/annoy each other often to the exclusion of me except in role as arbitrator or to help set things up and dd, being the younger, has learnt a lot this way. ds definitely used to like a quiet time with his own toys when he first started school, he'd had enough directed activity for the day, and both are creative with games either on their own or together. I guess our style of living - open plan and on one floor - lends itself to having independent play within easy ear shot but that doesn't stop me feeling redundant or guilty.

You know - I think as mothers we are made to feel guilty about everything! I gave up work to be a sahm because I felt guilty about not being with ds more. Now that I am at home more I feel like you musica and think "should I play one on one with him more".
No doubt I played one on one with him more I would feel bad that I wasnt good enough at his games and so on! you cant win!
All I can say is take you lead from ds. It sounds like he is having a great time playing on his own. you are not lazy at all - enjoy that they are playing together so nicely and not fighting!
lol lady muck - what a great idea!

I think it is important for them to play like that in order to develop their imagination, I think if you are always leading them and have everything mapped out with activity after activity they don't do this, oldand must make them less independant later on. That is my excuse anyway! My nearly three year is always playing adventures with her toy animals, the cow is usually playing up on the roof and being told off by her mummy (ouch!) and another animal needs rescuing because it fell down a hole....

I know i used to love to play on my own as a child and it did me no harm (apart from the stint in a mental asylum (joke!)