Newborn baby - feeling very overwhelmed

[DaphneMoon1]

My little girl is only a week and a half old, and I'm already feeling completely overwhelmed and useless.

She's a little star and I love her so much it actually hurts. I just feel completely overwhelmed by the responsibility of looking after her. I'm so tired and I feel like she thinks I'm just useless. My husband is absolutely amazing with her - she'll cry on me for ages and then will calm down/fall asleep on him instantly. He goes back to work next week and I'm bloody terrified, to be honest.

DD hasn't been a great sleeper the past few days - kind of dozes fitfully for an hour at a time then she's squawking and crying to be picked up. Through the night she'll have her bottle and will be very awake and alert, no interest in going back to sleep (and when she does again it's just an hour at a time) but I understand this is quite normal. Difficult to cope with sometimes though. The house is a mess, I can't get anything done because the baby is awake and looking to be held all the time (she won't lie on her playmat awake, she just gets upset, but we're going to try a bouncy chair later today - husband going out to buy it this afternoon).

She's eating really well and the midwife and HV are really pleased with how she's doing but I think she has an issue with wind (we spend ages winding her after every feed, using infacol and dr browns bottles but we seem to be unable to get it all up - I dunno what else to do) so her tummy hurts and I think this is what is causing her to be so wakeful. She's formula fed and is quite constipated. Trying the water thing but finding it so hard to stay on top of sterilising bottles and then she won't take the water, she stops sucking (and pulls the cutest little disgusted face) as soon as she realises it isn't milk.

Sorry I know this is a bit of a senseless rant but I'm so teary and I just feel like she hates me and I'm so crap at this. I know logically that everything is ok and we're just new at this. I feel so guilty for feeling like his because she's awesome and we're so lucky to have her.

Any advice..?

I had an emergency Caesarean too - it's a weird situation when you have a major operation and then don't get a chance to rest afterwards to recover because you're looking after a baby, so please make sure you look after yourself and don't be too ambitious. The following helped me:

• really try not to worry about the housework, our house was a complete tip for the first few weeks.
• only allow in visitors who you know will do the washing up/bring food/help in other practical ways. Give them specific tasks to do when they come. Do not tidy up before they come or make tea for them, get them to do it while you rest. People who just want to cuddle the baby in a spotless house while you make tea for them can wait until you're feeling better.
• try to get some fresh air, I know it's trickier at this time of year but I enjoyed sitting in the garden and going out for a walk, even if just round the block (I had a v sturdy pram which was great for leaning on after the op)
• I also recommend a sling, I had to be careful carrying baby around in the early days but even if it means you can sit down and eat with two hands that might give you a bit of a break.

Bless you, it is sooo hard isn't it, and absolutely nothing can prepare you for it!

I second what other posters have said especially ....

• use of a sling - not to do housework (!) but I found it calmed our DD who seemed to like the closeness and the swaying movements!
• use of a vibrating chair - DD did seem to settle in this but DS wasn't fussed - they're all different after all!
• tiger in a tree hold - worked for both of ours
• make good use of FF as DH can help out with feeds when he is around. It helps them to bond, plus gives you a few mins to yourself
• make good use of DH when he is not at work, he can take his turn and you can have a bit of a break. I used to try to catch up on sleep when DH home so I could cope better on the days when he was at work
• consider it a good day if you have showered and brushed teeth and hair and got dressed (all in the same 24 hour period!)
• try to get out of the house once a day (if possible having done all of the point above, but not essential!!!!!) When DS was born, I used to trip out for milk or bread or biscuits or something for tea or anything really just to get out of the house for something "adult" to do. Baby groups are fine if that's your thing - personally I found them easier as DS got older
• accept that sometimes you will have run through all possible reasons for crying - feed, nappy change, wind, cuddle, too warm etc etc etc and sometimes they just want to cry. Both of ours were whingy ?colicky in the evenings up until around 10-12 weeks and what worked one evening to settle them didn't work the next. I think it was just something they grew out of and it did get easier.

We all muddle through, thankfully the babies don't know any different so we are still their no 1 person despite it all.

And it does get easier! Best of luck xxx

You are not crap at this, you are 100% normal and doing great. Go easy on yourself. Winding a baby is really hard, I never totally got the hang of it but did find that some gentle pressure on DD's tummy did more good than all the back-patting in the world. I'd sit her leaning her weight into my hand against her tum, then lie her flat, then sit her forward again, and often the change in position would do it. As for the messy house, it used to really annoy me when people said to just let it go - everything felt out of control when the house was messy. My mood was way better when the house was tidy. But you've had a c-section so hoovering marathons are obviously out. My advice is get every single visitor to make themselves useful and do some dishes or hoover a carpet. Don't let people come over for a chat and leave you with even more to do. They want to cuddle the newborn? They can pay a little housework tax first ;)

your baby doesnt know youre seperate people yet, she cant hate you but i remember saying the same thing to my dh at 4am on more than one occasion! lots of good suggestions here, i would add that i was shocked how long it took me to recover physically from birth (and i didnt have a section) so do go easy on yourself, it all takes time. And youre definitely still new at this enough to limit visitors to when dh is there if theyre the kind who'll mind if youre still in your pjs!