I need a reality check and some encouragement re: getting out of the house

[weebigmamma]

My wee one is 10 months as we haven't been very far from home. He doesn't like the car but I'm using it as an excuse really. My friends and family all live about an hour's drive away and I am starting to feel quite isolated and lonely. So I think it's time to take him out. But I am scared of it a bit as well. I am prone to isolating myself anyway and this is one of the reasons I feel I should start to take him a bit further out. I am worried that missing his naps will mess up his night time sleeps and that he won't nap in the car or in his buggy when we're out. I am also starting to think about going back to work for a couple of days a week but also anxious about leaving him at a nursery (it would have to be a nursery- we don't have family close by). We have never left him over night and we haven't even had a babysitter so we could go out in the evening because he does tend to wake up during the night still. In some ways I want to be told that it's OK not to go out much when they are young. But in other ways I want to be told that everything will be OK if I do take him out or leave him with a babysitter. What did you all do?

Just a totally different scenario to you. We have no family nearby but have always carried on pretty much as normal and taken baby with us. He started sleeping through at 11 months but we did nothing to make him. Naps have always been random, it suits us that way as he'll sleep anywhere, car, cot, buggy...
I went back to work when he was 7.5months. We were both fine, although I'd much rather be at home!
He's a very contented baby.
So I'd say it's best to get out and about, but then I'd never have stayed in in the first place...
Maybe small trips first? Go and see a friend? An hour's not far...

Oh, and I'm yet to leave him with a sitter or overnight. Have only ever left him to go to work.

Thanks ch!

Can you get a good friend to come to you, and just go out for a small trip e.g. to a cafe, park etc?
Try joining some groups? Probably an obvious suggestion!
Look at whether your local library does Rhymetime? A good chance to go along to something without the pressure to be an active member of a group?
Is there a Sure Start, Children's Centre or community centre near you that has activities?

When you say you're not going far from home, what sort of things do you do? I don't drive so ds and I stay fairly close to home and the farthest he's been is a couple of hours away on the train maybe 4 times. However we're out and about every day, toddler groups (he's 13 months now), baby clubs, music groups, shopping cafe, family pub lunches etc.
I have a very tolerant and lovely sister who has had ds over night for us a few times but I don't think it's unusual not to have had an overnight trip at 10 months, especially if your family are further away. The only way that you can tell how your baby will sleep etc on a day out is to have one!! You may find he's absolutely fine in the car for an hour or it might be a bit of a nightmare in which case you can try something else and you won't have really lost anything-at least you'll know.

Try not to worry, it can be daunting at first. Especially if you don't have family nearby and don't drive (I don't).

It took me till dd was about 5 months old before I left the house with her alone. Other mums seemed to find it so easy but dd wouldn't nap during the day, hated the pram and would cry frequently.

Try short trips out at first, between naps, to shops or playgroups or childrens centres. Places you can always leave as and when you need to.

Do try to get out, it'll be good for both you and the baby. A 10 mth old can get a lot out of a bit of singing, change of scene, different toys, seeing other children etc. And other mums are usually friendly and sympathetic. Don't isolate yourself unless you genuinely believe that's best for you both.

We've never left our dd (now 2.6) overnight and only started using a sitter very recently (though have used nursery since dd was 1). We worried about nursery but its been the making of dd. Her sleep improved massively and she is thriving there.

I'd recommend finding one or two local sitters you trust (if family can't help) now rather than later, so they can get to know your baby. We use an agency who have local, older, very experienced sitters who are mostly ex or current nannies/CMs. PM me if you want any more info.
The sitter we use is fab and although I was really worried about using one, I now wish we'd started using one ages ago. You need some time as a couple too.

Thanks so much everyone! I feel better and somewhat braver already. It really does help to know that everyone's lives are different. I don't know why I insist on comparing myself to everyone else- perhaps it is the mother's curse lol. x

I was very different with each of my DDs. DD1 I was v lazy about going out - hated the idea of toddler groups etc and didn't go until she was over 1 I think (and then loved it and made some great friends). I used to hang out a lot with a couple of friends (one in particular) who had the same age baby (didn't have an antenatal group or anything). We would go to each others houses and drink tea I did do baby signing as for me it was easier to go to a group with a purpose, rather than just hanging out at a toddler group trying to be brave and speak to people. Actually loved the cup of tea and a chat bit at the end of the session but needed the structure.

Also I hated the idea of either child sleeping when we were out as that was the only time I got to myself so wanted her at home so I could veg on the sofa while she napped.

With DD2 she had to just fit in with our routine (16 month age gap), so she would come along with me and DD1 to toddlers and then they'd both have a sleep when we got home (again so I could have a relax).

Go easy on yourself, and don't be pressured into doing anything. However I think the groups with structure can be much easier to slot into and well worth a try

I went out loads with DD1. It has been the complete opposite with DD2. We can spend days and days at home. She won't nap anywhere but home and hates the cold hurrah, no park in Winter! We are limited in our travels because of DD1's school drop offs/pick ups We also have no family help. DD2 is the most sociable, happy, confident little girl you could meet.

Mine is 10m too. I've been back at work since 7.5 months and we've had evening sitters a couple of times and he's been for the weekend in his own to my parents.

That said - on my two days a week of work I don't do much! I prefer him to nap in his cot as he needs the full hour+ each nap or he gets very overtired and it's not nice for either of us. He dies sleep 11 hours overnight and I will do anything in my power to protect this! Sleep deprivation almost broke me and I'll never take a full nights sleep for granted as long as I live!

I do try to get fresh air in between naps - mostly this means popping out for errands after lunch about 12:30, returning by about 2:30 for milk and afternoon nap.

I'm sure by summer when it's lighter longer we will do more stuff but tbh I'm happy as we are. I'm a "no stress" kind of person and like an easy life!

In terms of frequency of going out I make sure I leave the house with him (almost 6 month DS) once a day, usually for an hour or two but sometimes just a couple of shops and a walk around the block. We go to groups on Mondays and Wednesday's usually. Weekends DH and I might go out for a few hours with him and lunch as he sleeps happily in his baby carrier (less so the buggy!). In terms of distance and changing routine, we went to my parents 300 miles away for Christmas when he was 4 months old, and he stuck to his same sleep times and night feeds at their house for a week. We bathed him at the same time and did the same dark bedroom to dress and feed and cuddle to sleep and he was fine. I find I always want to do the morning nap at home as he really needs that one to be sufficient, but after that I'm ok with it being on the go or at different times depending on his needs. He can just go from 3pm until bedtime as well so I can go out then without having to stress too much about if he sleeps. When he was 6 weeks old I took him by train into the City of London to have lunch with DH and some colleagues, once I'd done that I felt I could do anything! I'm glad I found out he was adaptable about nights so early. He's also been put to bed by his grandparents while we went out, but he's not stayed at someone else's house without us yet.