Just smacked my 5 year olds bottom...feeling absolutely terrible

[Juno321]

Going through a very difficult time currently with my DD aged 5 at bedtimes. During the day she's an angel, but come bed time she's hyperactive, rude and refuses to stay in bed. For over a month now she's up and down all night till almost 10pm, sometimes later.

This evening I just snapped. She was mimicking everything I said and being so rude and defiant. I don't know what came over me but I smacked her bottom, I was so cross. It clearly didn't hurt her as she thought it was hilarious..

It was inefficive and left me feeling awful. I was smacked as a child and always said I would never ever do it. I've apologised to her explaining it was wrong of mummy, I just feel terrible, like I've lost control.

I'm so ashamed of myself.

I think a lot of us do it the once, I certainly did.

I apologised to DS when I did it. Be kind to yourself, parenting can be so hard.

Don't despair - kids know how to push your buttons and it sounds like she's an expert!

Tomorrow, maybe when she's in one of her 'angel' phases, maybe have a talk with her? Tell her that you are not happy with what happened last night and that you both need to sort out how to get bedtimes to be better.

Here's an idea - you could ask her what she thinks could work and make a list with her that both of you have input into - if you write down what she says in front of her, no matter how silly, she will feel that what she says is important. Then go down the list and cross off what won't work. Pin up the list on her wall. See what happens...good luck!

Btw - maybe she is very overtired at bedtime - have you considered trying to get her down earlier? My dd who is 4 is often flagging just before bedtime gets a second wind when really she is exhausted, and the takes longer to put to bed...

I'm afraid you might be in for a rough ride posting here. This can be an unforgiving place.

However, sounds like you've just had a human reaction - however wrong - to a very trying set of circumstances. When DS went through a nightmare phase at 18 months old there was a night I just had to leave him screaming in his cot because I genuinely thought I was going to throttle him.

Where is your DH in this? Can someone else help you deal with her for a few nights while you steel yourself, research a strategy and deal with her playing up?

Forgot to ask - have you tried the marble in the jar thing? You know - if you manage to stay in bed all night you'll get a marble in your jar the next morning - make a big thing of it - and when the jar is full she can choose a treat? Or similar reward charts? Whatever you do, make her feel part of the process though - big her up!

I wouldn't worry it doesn't sound as if you've done any damage. But it sounds as if yo need to try something different.

What's her bedtime routine like and maybe we can see where it can be tweeked.

I really rate the book '1,2,3 Magic'. It really helps you remove the emotion from situations such as fraught bedtimes.

I have a five year old too, who is a great button pusher. This technique really helps me.

The jar sounds a great idea, will try that.

Prior to this silly phase at the moment she always went to bed at 7pm at the very latest and went straight to sleep, but when she started saying she didn't want to go to sleep/wasn't tired etc I thought maybe it was too early for her so was leaving it till about half 7. It seems no matter what time she goes to bed she doesn't seem to sleep until very late. Like I said this is a recent thing over the last month or so.

She doesn't watch tele before bed or do anything too stimulating. We always wind down (or attempt to!) with a story. We spend plenty of time together and obviously she goes to school too, so technically she should be tired.

MrsNucky, no DH, tackling this on my own unfortunately!

Thank you for all your helpful replies.

I second bowlersarm
Sounds like your DD wasn't negatively affected by the smack so don't give yourself a such a hard time. Would DD respond to a reward system for staying in bed etc.?

I don't have any advice but I just want to say that your feelings about the incident show that you're a very decent parent, a lovely mummy. Parenting is so tough, I certainly know what it's like to be driven to the edge and to do and say things I never thought I would. We're human, we can only try our best to do things differently next time.

How would it work if you put a little light in her room and a bookshelf if she hasn't already got one; say that she can read quietly in her room until she's tired enough to sleep? Provide a small bottle of water on the proviso that once it's gone its gone. Say she can use the loo whenever she needs to but if she starts using it as a way of messing around then she'll have to use a potty in her room instead. As suggested upthread, if/when she goes to bed without fuss and without disturbing others then she can have a marble/sticker/whatever but if not then she'll lose out on some privelidge or other. Try (I know it's hard) to remain calm and to avoid communication as much as possible because it's hard to argue with a statue.
It could be the new school term that's thrown her? School is different after Christmas and all the fun ad frivolities are over and it's back to the usual lessons - it can unsettle some children.