me: reading/homework/piano dh: Nintendo

[hatwoman]

Why do things like this just happen? I get home from work at 7 pm. I have half an hour with dds during which we read any school books, do piano practice, spellings etc. It's actually quite a nice routine and means I am 100 per cent theirs - I don;t try to do anything else. I'd love to do other stuff but prioritise these. dh came home early last night, so I could work late. They played nintendo. I don;t have a problem with nintendo, not do I have a problem with skipping reading and piano and spellings sometimes. I'm not a doing-something-productive-fascist. But it just seems unfair. I'm always the one. If I buggered off, it would get done, I have no doubt. But because I'm here it only gets done cos I do it. it's on old record really isn't it? ...

A very old record. Of course it's amazing how lost our nintendos can be.... iyswim!

In the Inferiority Complex it's me: things to do at the weekend that involve, you know, going out of the house and maybe even a spot of enjoyable culture dp: telly.

That's not entirely fair, I know, but there is truth in it. Suffice it to say I got in from two days away at a conference at 1am on Sunday (long story, train from Glasgow took around 162 hours) and with a ghastly sense of routine checked DD1's bookbag. Which contained an invoice for after school dance club. DP was irked that I mentioned this when climbing into bed instead of murmuring sweet nothings into his ear. Harrumph.

In our house we alternate lie-ins.
My morning goes: Get up moderately cheerful with nippers, choose clothes for day, take them downstairs to dress and breakfast in front of the telly for a treat. Nip back up to get machineload of glue/yogurt impregnated school uniforms. Do a spot of tidying while chatting to children about what they are watching. Insist they get dressed and brush teeth.
Make cup of tea and take it up to dh at 9am if there is no sign of life (= every single damn time)
His morning goes: Get up reluctantly and only after repeated naggings from me and the dcs, sometimes having to do this wakes me up enough to make it hard to get back to sleep . Trudge gloomily and resentfully downstairs. Sit on sofa with children. Do eff-all else. One or both children usually sustains mystery staining/felt-tipping/minor injury during this period. Makes cup of tea and brings it up to me loudly no later than 8.30am.
I descend to find hungry, possibly wounded, half-undressed children.
Once more together with feeling...

LOL Marina that post could have been written by me. Except we don't alternate the lie ins, I get about 1 in every 15 or so.

just thinking about this some more. If he had made a conscious decision to skip the homework I wouldn't mind. It's the fact that he's not even aware of it. Thursday is book change day - Wednesday = book reading night. Friday is spelling test - Thursday - learn spellings. does dh know this - probably at a very deep level, but not suffiently near the surface to activate it. and like I say, if I buggered off it would all get done, so how come we've slipped into this de facto mum = nag dad = fun. I honestly didn;t think we were Like That.

And underlying this is the horrid truth that dad also = font of all knowledgde. they've started commenting on it. He does know more than me about stars and weather and engines and electricity. hur-blumin-rumph

I've NEVER had a lie-in since ds born (he's 13 months now).

I've never had a lie-in since dd was born either - 6 years

Guess that's just our lot then SSandy, until they're teenagers and don't get up till midday that is!

It's got to be a male/female thing. I had a concert last week, and if dh has a concert, I would either stay home with the children all day on my own, OR make packed lunches for us all while he practises at home, get children ready while he faffs with his DJ, get them in the car, find map.

Last week, he said (at the time we had to leave) - I haven't made any lunches - can you go to the shop and get something. So I whizzed up to the shop, bought some food, got back, made the lunches, found children NOT ready, watching tv with dh. Then had to get all 3 children ready and into car = us being an hour late!

I do all the music practice, reading, homework etc - it's just not in dh's consciousness to do it.

It's not a male/female thing it's a 'person who has registered that they don't really have to take this in and act on it/person ground down by drudgery and routine thing.

I told a rather flaky former colleague - bloke, natch - that I found being the one who remembered PE kits a strain. 'But you're so good at it,' he responded. Oh how carefree and intellectual and creative I felt, goodness me, yes.

Herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrumph.

motherinferior, I think it is a bit male/female. Women are just far superior at remembering things, multi-tasking and knowing that these things matter (which of course they do).

Whether this is biology or sheer-bloody mindedness I don't know but I think this is the way it is the world over!

ha! And what about puke??? ds (about 18mths at the time) chose to lavishly bring up his lunch while strapped into baby carrier (on front facing inwards naturally) and there was no escape so I just gave up trying to get out of the way and held ds's head and murmered comforting mummy type things until he finished before peeling myself out of baby carrier and popping ds onto the floor. On the way to the floor round 2 began - as he was facing dh and in mid air I frantically asked him to take ds even if just to lower him down and help him. dh took him and held him at arms length looking horrified while he finished. ds immediately spun round tearily asking for mummy so I bent down to hug him... and round 3 commenced. I had given up trying to do damage limitation so hugged him as he asked. dh stood to one side looking really traumatised. When it was finally over what does he say???....

"...aaargh there's a splash on my shoe...."

Do I get to do the biggest haaa..bloody...rumph so far??!

(I have to add in fairness that he is usually REALLY good and does loads, including fair share of really frightening nappies, however barf is evidently not in his repertoire.)

On a scale of 0-10 DH is probably hovering at an 8 for this kind of thing, it's just that he is not as pro-active as one might expect for a man of such ferocious intelligence. If I gently suggest on Saturday morning that 'we' need to get DD1's homework out of the way, I'll find them snuggled up on the sofa labouring through BiffnChip. An allusion to the fact that we ought to clean the kids teeth and brush their hair before going out to lunch will probably result in some regimental dental hygiene and in response to 'Do yu want to supervise bathtime or wash up?' he's snapping on the rubber gloves. Unlike MI's DP he will even unilaterally propose a trip to the park, scootering, an afternoon at Wisley Gardens or chasing the sunset in the car. But I never feel like he's in charge and I have a sneaking suspicion that if I didn't gently guide the day, the kids would be close to feral by the end of the weekend.

There again I've nothing to be proud of. We stayed in bed so long this morning that the girls made their own ham sandwiches for breakfast supplemented by jaffa cakes, milk and porridge made with cold water (very resourceful!) and the cat resorted to knocking the box of cat food biscuits out of the cupboard on to the floor and scoffing the fall-out.

And you are so right hatwoman: "And underlying this is the horrid truth that dad also = font of all knowledgde. they've started commenting on it. He does know more than me about stars and weather and engines and electricity. hur-blumin-rumph" So far this weekend DH has told DD1 that rainbows are not actually arcs but circles and found her a picture on the internet to back it up, explained what a star is and shown how her his glasses work. I made a fish-pie.