cluster feeding driving him mad

[Katekoom]

Our dd is 2 weeks old and has had a few spats of cluster feeding, usually from around 10pm to 3am. She's having one as i type.

my husband has been really supportive in general, he cooks, cleans, takes dd when he can, changes her, bathes her etc. So by no means is he a shitty partner, but he gets really annoyed by lack of sleep.

the night time plan is that he sleep so he's fresh in the morning and i do everything else, getting my sleep in the am when he takes her.

however he's struggling to drop off and its making him awful. I just got him to do a nappy for me (because i needed a break for 5mins and he wasn't in a deep sleep) and he got in such a mood about it, then came back in and said id have to start giving her a formula feed at night to get her to go off. Back into bed in a grump, rolled over, end of conversation.

i know he's just not good with a lack of sleep, but its making me cross because I'm the one getting zero sleep, he is at least getting some. He moans about being tired sometimes in the day and it makes my blood boil, your tired!

he goes back to work tomorrow and i know that'll make his tiredness worse. I've suggested ear plugs or sleeping in the spare room but he's just not taking it in.

any ideas? What did you do with your partner to alleviate martial bedtime stress? He's really very supportive usually, but this is beating him.

Well firstly there's no guarantee that giving a formula feed at night will make her sleep better, and at this age it may interfere with building your supply, so he should forget that.

Secondly, he really needs to get over this. Sorry, but I have no sympathy. Who does enjoy broken sleep? No one. But it is part and parcel of having a newborn. It doesn't last forever (though it might seem like it). It's not about him, and he needs to get over himself. If you have a spare room he should use it.

Sorry for bluntness, but his behaviour doesn't actyally sound that supportive.

As vert says formula is not guaranteed to do anything. I was FF from birth and my mum will gleefully tell anyone who will listen I didn't sleep through til I was 18 (still don't, as you can see from time of posting but it's not her problem anymore ). My DS was FF from 12 weeks but has slept through since birth and needed waking for night feeds (a lazy baby and an insomniac mother must be the definition of irony!).

Take sleep as you can get it. As for your husband if he can't sleep through it (my DH could sleep through a full on baby meltdown 6 ins from his ear) then he'll have to do earplugs / spare room or stop moaning. Unfortunately the baby does not give a shit if he needs his sleep and is gonna do what she's gonna do . Hopefully it will pass for you soon.

He should sleep in the spare room if sleep is that crucial to him.

We live in a flat so possibly a bit different but DH and I always took DS and now DD to the living room for night feeds/nappy changes to avoid waking the other person up unnecessarily. Now we have DD (7 weeks old) we also want to avoid waking up DS! We are formula feeding and don't co-sleep so need to get out of bed anyway.

Lack of sleep is a recognised form of torture! I still get resentful when DH complains he is tired as he doesn't do any night wakings.
Your DH needs to sleep with ear plugs and/or in spare room. He needs to support you in BFing if that is what you want to do. He needs to realise it isn't about him now - it's about his DD.
Switching to formula may do nothing for sleep, but giving a formula feed may affect your supply. Babies cluster feed for a reason - to build your supply. It's what they are programmed to do. It does get better.
hope you get some sleep!

Separate rooms for a couple of months. DH and I never really argued until we were both very sleep deprived in the early weeks, so as soon as he went back to work he went in the spare room. The general plan is he's available before 11.30 and after 6am. There is no reason for two people to be horribly sleep deprived and I found him much more helpful if he had sleep, and he is very much a co parent at all other times. I know how ratty I get on no sleep so it stands to reason he will too, he's not a saint. But do keep BF if you want too, we ended up switching to ff for various reasons but sleep wasn't one of them because a ff baby can feed a lot too!

Tiredness can bring out the worst of people . I'm terribly grumpy when tired. Either you and baby change rooms or he move rooms .its only for a month or 2 x

Thanks for all the advice.
We've discussed this morning, we'll try another week as is (as I think dd is having a growth spurt which will pass) and if that fails he's off into spare room.
Lack of sleep is the toughest bit of this parenting malarkey... So far!

Thanks for all the advice.
We've discussed this morning, we'll try another week as is (as I think dd is having a growth spurt which will pass) and if that fails he's off into spare room.
Lack of sleep is the toughest bit of this parenting malarkey... So far!

I think you have to look at sleep for yourself at the moment as getting x hours in 24 and where you can get it in.

DH would take dd as soon as he got in the door and I'd get a quick nap in so I was ok for the cluster feeding into the early hours.

As soon as dd was napping in cot/moses basket I made it a rule to nap at least once a day when she did. Sod the housework, DH caught up in the evening.

DH did spend a while in the spare room when he felt he really needed it but was snoring away most of the time v quickly.

I did nappy changes in bed on my lap, with the change mat tucked down the side of the bed. Felt less terrible not having to get up in the night at all even if I was awake for most of it.