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Parenting

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Advice needed - children investigating their friends bodies

11 replies

KMW · 21/04/2004 11:28

Any advice welcome on how to stop children (friends aged 4 and 5) playing 'doctors and nurses' and investigating each others bodies in areas best kept until adulthood!! I have explained that they can give each other germs and make themselves poorly, but feel reluctant about going into the sexual explanation at such a young age. I know this is nromal childhood behaviour but any advice on how to deal with it would be useful. Thanks

OP posts:
motherinferior · 21/04/2004 13:31

Er... do they need to be stopped?

motherinferior · 21/04/2004 13:32

Surely the most important thing is just to make it clear to them that if somebody touches them in a way that they don't want they can, and should, say NO and tell someone else soon?

Batters · 21/04/2004 13:51

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twiglett · 21/04/2004 13:51

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Babblan · 21/04/2004 13:59

Agree with motherinferior. Let them play and explore! It is something I so greatful my mother let me and my friends do when I was a child. I am sure she kept herself informed about what we were doing and would have intervened if someone did not enjoy our game, but I remember myself and the other children just following our curiosity. Today I know that my mother's attitude
helped me develop a healthy relationship to my own body. My advice would be to trust the children! If they don't learn that what they are doing is "bad" they will tell you if something goes wrong. If you tell them off they will keep it a secret, hide what they are doing from you and you won't know what is going on.

Heathcliffscathy · 21/04/2004 14:08

i'm with MotherInferior. Stopping them could have repercussions i think in terms of associating natural curiosity with shame or wrongness. Actually you can't stop children doing this, all you can do is make them feel that it should be hidden from you as there is something shameful about it, which could have the effect of them feeling they can't talk about it if someone did do something inappropriate with them. sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, and i understand your concern, but imo they are best left to it.

Heathcliffscathy · 21/04/2004 14:09

sorry babblan, should have read your post more closely as i've repeated it

Chandra · 21/04/2004 14:12

That's a good one... In one way you don't want children to perceive sex as taboo but in the other, how would they learn that there are areas that are not "open to the public"???

I have a couple of friends who decided to be as clear as possible about any question their 4y old daughter would ask, so when she asked them how do you know the difference between boys and girls my friend headed to the local library and check out a book specially designed for children, she also took the time to explain about periods and how babies are born...IMO she was too young for that... it has not been traumatic or anything, out of wearing a toilet paper "sanitary towel" for a couple of weeks and fantasise about being pregnant for the last two months the girl is acting totally normal

I know this doesn't help in this case, sorry

SEXGODDESS · 21/04/2004 14:18

Agree with everyone else on this as long as they don't hurt themselves or each other....

grumpyzebra · 21/04/2004 14:24

I'll disagree with everyone and say I think it's a bad idea, because I did such "explorations" as a very young child (age 5-7) and it messed up my head for years and years (and years) afterwards. Not saying exactly how much we got up to, but it was very very intimate, as much as most adults, really. So if I ever find my kids doing 'exploration' I will not desist from discouraging them, starting with the simple explanation, "Those parts of the body are private and not meant to be shared with anyone else". I'm not naive enough to think I could necessarily stop them completely, but I will stop them as much as I can.

goosey · 21/04/2004 14:26

I think the'giving each other germs and making each other poorly' explanation is unwise. It will sow the seeds of associating sex with something dirty imo.
If I openly saw a 4 and 5 year old engaged in such games I would very matter of factly answer their questions and also explain that their 'willies' and 'bottoms' etc are private areas that really should be covered up to be polite. Do they see mummies and daddies playing with their 'willies' and 'bottoms' etc?
But at that age it really is no big deal and a mutual curiosity only I would imagine. It all depends on the circumstances and whether or not one child is intruding against another child's will.
I guess that is something a sensible parent/carer would be able to judge before deciding on what approach to take.

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