When do we go back to normal life?

[flipflopsonfifthavenue]

DS1 is 2.5yo and DS2 is 10wks.

Like many others before us, the last few weeks have seen a slackening of rules - sticker books being used at meals times, hand holdin at bedtime again, snacking in front room - an increase in cartoons - in the mornings, during the day, before bed, when I need some quiet for 30 mins, when I need to deal with DS2 etc, and a large amount of cheesy pasta been served up for lunch and dinner most days.

This is all getting us through these early months and keeping DS1 happy while we all settle into out new routine.

But - when does doing what you have to do to get through just become the norm...!? How much longer do I have before all these habits become too ingrained..?!?

I found with DC2 it was more a case of her fitting around us. I didn't think it fair to adjust DSs routine, groups etc so tried to carry on as much as normal. I think by DDs arrival I'd realised that if she cried for a little while it wasn't going to do any harm, so I didn't rush to instantly feed her etc as I had with DS. She seems to have turned out a much more relaxed person (she's 10 now!) so I don't know if it had a long term effect or just how she would have been anyway.

I think once baby has a bedtime that makes a difference - roughly around 16 weeks for mine was the time it started to work out that baby could be put to bed at a regular time. That means you can do baths together or one after the other and working backwards add more of a routine to life. Remember 10 weeks is nothing to you but for a 2.5 yo it's a huge chunk of their life! Whatever you say is normal now is normal to them!

Do it gradually now. Too long and you will not get the rules back in

I carried on the same routine and rules for my DD when my DS was born. They were firmly in place so it was not really a problem. It was not all smooth running all the time because there was added pressure from a newborn but I think changing it would have been confusing for my DD.

I don't think it is a great idea to relax the boundaries when a new baby arrives for the toddler. You may think you are doing nice things for them, giving favorite food and letting them away with behaviour that they would not have gotten away with before but it must be confusing and disconcerting for the child, on top of the confusion of having a new sibling. I didn't really let my toddler get away with extra things just because of our new baby (now 5 mts). I also didn't tone down showing love to the new baby because I felt it was important for the toddler to see that the new baby is loved and important to everyone. I did take care to make sure he knew he was important and loved too but he needed to learn that she is also to be loved and respected. He settled down very quickly, maybe only 2 weeks of sneaky slaps and sideways glances at the baby and she soon became his favourite thing in the house. I would get back to the status quo with your DS1 OP, asap. There is nothing wrong with some extra cartoons because your workload has now increased but that is probably the new norm so you might need to accept that some of those things have changed. But stick to your important family rules, tantrums or otherwise, and I bet you will be back to where you want to be within a week.