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Original poster

How do I co sleep safely?

18 replies

LittlePink · 19/01/2015 07:45

This is something I'm now considering after the night from hell with my newborn. I've always said I wouldn't do this and replace him in his crib after every feed/ nappy change etc but last night he woke every 10-20 mins from 10pm when we went to bed until I don't even know what time. I've lost track. All night basically. I think the longest stretch we got was 1.5 hrs between 1.50-3.15. I was too scared to fall asleep with him on my chest and I can't lay on my side at the moment with him next to me because I had a section and it's too painful so have to sleep sitting up at the moment.

He's 5 days old now and he sleeps all day with 2 hrly feeds but is cluster feeding at night. Every time I put him down in the crib he screams the house down. I've tried swaddling, gro bag (he's 9lb 5 and gro bag says from 9lb) but neither of these make a difference and he's sick after most feeds so we're going through a lot of clothing and bedding at night. I thought maybe reflux and it's hurting him to lie flat so I put him flat on my knee during the night and he slept peacefully but as soon as I put him back in the crib he went beserk.

I don't know what to do. I'm exhausted. I didn't sleep hardly at all in hospital for 3 nights and home is just as bad if not even worse as he's less sleepy than he was in hospital. Help!

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butterfly86 · 19/01/2015 10:49

Sorry I can't help much re co sleeping properly I did do it a handful of times but Im sure somebody who has co slept will be along soon...I kept dd in her gro bag with the quilt no where near her and only up to my waist, always put her on the outside never in the middle and kind of wrapped my arm around her to stop her falling out I wasn't keen on doing it but when you're desperate for some sleep you do what you have to. Dd was very sickly and refluxy although not pained by it just brought her milk up all the time and we were always changing sheets during the night, I found rolling towels up and putting them under the legs of the basket at the top end made a big difference so she wasn't totally flat he might be more comfy propped up a bit it's worth a try :)

WowOoo · 19/01/2015 10:58

Make yourself comfy on your side for easy feeding access. Prop yourself up with pillows etc Make a space for him on other side of bed. Put other pillow on floor.
Once he's fed, put him in his little space. You can hear him and smell him and he'll let you know if he needs you. Try to sleep. If not, just rest.

I was quite relaxed about co sleeping. My back hurt too much for all that lifting and bending.
Congratulations

HotSteppa · 19/01/2015 11:13

Hi congratulations! in the same boat over here. ds 4 days old and feeding pretty solidly from 12-5 nor happy in the moses basket but dleeps on me or in our bed. I did pretty much as previous poster suggested if its just going to be a once in a blue moon type arrangement but we have decided to get one of these bed side car thingies as a best of all worlds type arrangement. We looked at hiring a bed nest but quite like the look of chicco side cot which you can get today, from boots. its 150 quid so more than we would usually spend on baby equipment but I have a load of points I can put towards it, they resale on ebay for between 75 and 100 quid and now I have a toddler to caee for in the day time too im not messing about even if it only gets me an extra half hour!

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HotSteppa · 19/01/2015 11:15

slightly incoherent typo ridden msg there must try and catch some zzzzz!

Sleepyhoglet · 19/01/2015 11:17

This doesn't answer your q but my baby sleeps on top on my chest and I lie flat. I have tiny boobs though and she delatches after feeds and uses my boob as a pillow.

Original poster

LittlePink · 19/01/2015 11:22

I have got a toddler too so the days are hard and I'm starting to dread the nights and it's only been 2 nights at home. Both nights have been awful. It took 4 hours to settle him last night. Went to bed at 10pm and he woke every 10-20 mins until 1.50 when he did a stretch until 3.15 when the 20 min thing happened all over again until around 5 then he fed on me for an hour. He's fine sleeping on his back in the Moses basket in the daytime. It's just the nights he wants to be held and fed almost constantly.

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NovemberRainbow · 19/01/2015 11:24

Hang on in there, it does get easier.
They gradually stop doing as many poos at night, my LO stopped needing a night time nappy change at around 4 weeks old.

We have a bed guard on our bed, as we couldn't afford a co-sleeper cot. We also put some pillows on the floor just Incase. However my LO is 7 weeks and cannot really move her self much yet.

We feed lying down in bed, so I'm on my side. With one arm above her head and my knees up underneath her. My body sort of makes a C shape around her. I always have a towel underneath us.

Are you able to get comfy on your side at all? Hopefully someone will be along who's done it in other positions.

I think the main safety aspects are

Do not co-sleep if you have consumed drugs or alcohol
Make sure baby cannot fall off the bed
Make sure baby cannot be suffocated (this includes being rolled onto by a parent, or things like duvets and pillows)
Only recommended if breastfeeding
Make sure baby does not overheat,

She sleeps roughly from 3-11am with one feed in between, she will not sleep in her crib at all.

sebsmummy1 · 19/01/2015 11:30

I ended up co-sleeping out of necessity as I was SO tired and just had to sleep. I got a co-sleeping bassinet for the side of the bed and would feed my son whilst on my side and would doze then when he had finished I would slide him into the bassinet.

With this baby (assuming this pregnancy goes to term problem free). I plan on taking the side off my toddlers cot and attaching it to the side of the bed instead of the bassinet (which I sold). The other side I think I will have a bed guard.

Just to add I am in a separate double bed to DP. I wouldn't co-sleep with my DP in the same bed, it's too dangerous and I would be too scared.

Original poster

LittlePink · 19/01/2015 11:31

I'm limited with positions and movement in bed with my c section wound. It really hurts to lie flat or on my side or twist/ stretch to get him out of the crib so dh gets up and hands him to me every time he cries. So dh was up about a hundred times in the night! Plus he did all the nappy changes and vomit/ sheet changes. Every time he put him back in the crib we would drift off to sleep and 10 mins later he was screaming again. Would only settle on the breast then fall asleep on me but I kept persevering getting dh to put him back in the crib because I was scared to fall asleep. I just thought this morning I can't go on like this. I need a plan for tonight.

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NickyEds · 19/01/2015 15:36

Sorry to hear this op. We were still sleeping in shifts at 5 days, I'd feed ds and hold him (me awake)for 2 hours, feed him again, then hand him to dp who held him for the next 2 hours. It was exhausting but he just wouldn't settle in his moses or anywhere except on one of us and I'm not sure that there is a safe way to co sleep whilst holding your baby. After around 10 days we started putting him into a warmed moses and he would settle much better.
How is his feeding? DS was very similar to your ds, falling asleep on the breast then screaming after a short while. It turned out he was tongue tied and still losing weight- the settling in his cot coincided with us topping him up with formula (I'm not saying this is the case with your ds at all it's just with ds he was getting just enough milk to sleep but not enough to gain weight).
Sorry op but I think some babies just need to be held. nct website has safe co sleeping guidelines but they've been covered here mostly I think.

Original poster

LittlePink · 19/01/2015 16:34

He's feeding really well now so much so he's put on weight so he's 9lb 8 instead of birth weight of 9lb 5 in just 5 days. Mw thinks he was having a growth spurt last night. She said with his size a bottle of formula is fine but not at bedtime as it will interfere with my milk production. she said co sleeping is fine but not with dh in the bed too but I need him during the night at the moment.

OP posts:

IAmAPaleontologist · 19/01/2015 16:38

Congratulations LittlePink. Those early days are tough but you will get through and things will settle down. You are doing an amazing job. Take all the support you can get and sleep when you can. A great place for sleep information is www.isisonline.org.uk/, everything you find here will be evidence based and accurate.

Sleepyhoglet · 19/01/2015 18:47

Yes I forgot an important point that it is just me an baby and dh in spare room. Baby now 9weeks. Dh comes in and changes baby before going to work whilst I snooze or shower

Sleepyhoglet · 19/01/2015 18:48

I've no idea how ppl feed in their sides - my boobs aren't big enough I don't think and I'm no comfy and worried about squashing the baby

Gen35 · 19/01/2015 18:59

I co slept for the same reason op, even at 3 months everytime I try the side cot she goes nuts and after two attempts I gave up. Agree, dh sleeps in another room, baby has a lot of space and a sleeping bag, extra blanket for my shoulders. I'm not proud of it as it worried me but I have another dc and needed to function. Ppl have suggested warming cot up with hot water bottle before trying to put them down (taking water bottle out obviously), but they still wake up and startle and then back to square one.

NovemberRainbow · 19/01/2015 22:56

We co-sleep with DH in the bed, I just keep baby on the other side of me. Will baby sleep on DH? Maybe try taking in shifts. You feed then hand baby to him will you rest.

Good luck for tonight OP, hope its not too rough.

LittleBlueHermit · 19/01/2015 23:15

It's absolutely fine for your DH to be in the bed. Just put the baby down between you and the wall or a bed barrier. If you don't have a queen size bed (or bigger) he'll be a bit squashed though. It's amazing how much space babies take up!

Main safety points are:
No smoking, drugs, or alcohol
Need something in place so the baby can't fall out of bed
Don't sleep young babies between parents
Keep duvet, pillows and any other suffocation hazards away from the baby
Its also recommended that you have a firm mattress without a memory foam top.

Asteria · 19/01/2015 23:50

I co-slept from the day DS was born until he was about 18 months (the last 6 wasn't every night) but it was just the two of us for all that time so I cannot comment on having a partner in there too. We had a metal framed fabric bed barrier (Tommee Tippee I think) I kept it warm enough in the room that he could have a gro-bag and I had sheets and a blanket. As soon as DS finished feeding I would put him at arms length so he knew I was nearby and I was able to haul him closer if he started to cry.
I did try to put DS in a crib in the early days, but he was distressed and I was exhausted. It was FAR easier having him in with me. Good luck

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