Deciding to have kids

[an0nan0nan0n]

Hi! I've been in a great relationship with my husband for years, but I never thought we'd have kids - we've just been too busy enjoying the child-free lifestyle. Well, now he wants kids, desperately. I'm 33 so its not like we have forever to think about it - if we do have kids, I'd rather get on with it now than wait much longer (I know people do start families later, but I also know the health risks increase). I've done a lot of soul searching. Sometimes I think I would like kids but I'm too scared (I'm a real wimp - I can't even handle a blood test without crying!). Its such a permanent commitment. I wish I could feel the same as him, but I don't. I've come off the pill, in the hope that a change in hormones would suddenly make me feel broody, but it hasn't. But I don't want to just 'let fate decide'. If I have kids, I want to be control of that choice. I love my husband and he loves me, and he would be a wonderful stay at home Dad. But I just don't have that magic desire to have kids that others do, and I can't help but feel that if I don't really want kids, I shouldn't have them. I'd really love to hear what you all think!

I could have written your original post!

DH and I are about to celebrate our 10yr anniversary, I am 34 and 14 weeks pregnant!

Before we got married we had "the talk". DH said he wasn't sure he wanted children and I was quite sure I didn't. I don't do needles or anything remotely "medical".

Roll forward a few years, nieces and nephews arrived and we lost my DFIL. We began having discussions.

In the end, the decision was simply- we don't want a baby but we do want a family. We fell pregnant the same month

I have surprised myself and have not freaked out at all. I have (so far) had 3 blood tests and a flu jab

Even the birth itself is not worrying me at the moment. I plan to go to hypnobirthing classes and, although the idea of a c section completely panics me, I am quite chilled and am "in the flow" of it all.

The idea of a baby kind of fills me with dread but my darling nephew has just turned one and it has made me realise how quickly that time goes.

No one can tell you what to do, we can only offer our experiences, but I kind of err on the side of I would regret it more if we didn't have children.

Good luck with your decision!

fleurchamp I was similar to you in that I wanted a family rather than a baby. I never understood the appeal of babies - had to fake all the "ooh he's so adorable!" stuff with friends. And then DS arrived and I think he is the most wonderful thing ever, I never want him to grow up, and I get stupid and broody (already!) when I see tiny newborns.

Still loving all the feedback everyone! So glad I came on here to ask. More really good points and different perspectives made! Not that I feel any closer to making a decision (or maybe sometimes I feel closer and sometimes I feel like I'll never figure it out) but I really appreciate everyone sharing their views and stories.

Hi everyone, thanks again for all your insightful messages. I just wanted to update to let you all know that I have decided to give it a go, so my husband and I are now TTC! Still have lots of fears and questions of course, but it feels good to have made a decision. Right, I'll be off to the conception section now.
Thanks again! :)