What is a 'playdate' ?

[Metline]

My 5 year old son and his friend have been badgering their respective parents to go and play round eachother's houses.

My son's friend's Mum spoke to me the other day in the playground and said something like, 'whenever's convenient' and (directed at her son) 'we can cook Fred Bloog's dinner too can't we?'

I don't know the mother, never spoken to her before, although her son has been to a big party we had last year.

Does a playdate mean the parent comes round with the child and stays and I have to cook tea for everyone??

Or does it mean they just drop and run, like at parties?

For us, we collect both from school, bring them back to ours. Kids play, eat and then either I drop back home or parent picks up. Or Vice versa!

I would say it is just the child that goes round and if you dont want to do dinner then take them home before dinner or get them collected beforehand.

Sometimes if friends mum wants to come around too they will and we drink tea and chat. No expectation to cook for grown ups - although I usually offer some kind of snack.

So I have to have the parent round too?? I'm anti social, aka shy, I don't want to have to be making small talk whilst the kids play :(

How can I negotiate this arrangement - what should I say next time I see her for instance? 'Your son can come round and play anytime he likes, just knock on the door and drop him off for an hour or so if you like?'

Something like that?

yes that sounds fine. You don't need the parent if you don't want them there although it would be a good way to make new friends

We only had parents too right at the beginning of reception. I would say that the expectation is just for the child at age 5. I would pick them both up from school, feed them dinner and ask the parent to pick up at six.

You need to suggest a date - a couple of hours after school for example. Ask the mum "do you think your ds will be happy to come by himself the first time?" If she says yes, she'll need to let the teacher know that you are picking him up from school that day. Make arrangements for him to be collected. If not, you'll have to chat to her for a bit but you'll only need to offer her tea (and cake).

In reception some mums will want to come round, but by year one it's only a cup of tea and chat at the end when they come to collect.

At school age, for us, it was take visiting child home from school at same time as yours, they play, give them tea (doesn't have to be anything elaborate - just extra of what your own family will be eating - spaghetti Bolognese/other pasta dish or something ricy, salady, sausage and mash, or even a chicken nugget or two a yoghurt for pud. Other parent picks up at 6:00-ish. It's easy once you get into it - not scary at all (really, it isn't). Parents' attendance neither compulsory nor necessary (unless it's an anxious child, of course). Different tactics required there.