Daughter's Fear of Doctors / Hospitals

[AJ65]

My daughter, nearly 9, has always been quite healthy and has rarely seen the doctor, but appears quite frightened by doctors and hospitals.

I have to have a minor procedure shortly and have a pre-op assessment tomorrow morning at 8 am which means her Dad will be taking her to school which he never normally does. I've reassured her that it's nothing to worry about and that I'll be home to pick her up from school.

In talking it over she revealed something I'd long suspected, which is that she's scared of hospitals because both her grandpas were in hospital for a long time and then died. It was a pretty awful year. At one point both were in the same hospital on different floors. My Dad died in May 2012 after 7 weeks in intensive care and my FiL died that December.

So she's conflated hospitals (and by extension doctors) with death.

Long lead up to my questions:

How can I help her deal with the grief of losing her grandpas as it is evidently still quite raw? I talk to her about my Dad, but my husband did not get on with his Dad so it's best he doesn't talk to her about him. I've been thinking about asking my MiL to bring some photos of my FiL and tell my DD a bit more about him - good or bad idea?

How can I help her to see that hospitals are not - normally - scary places? I've explained that her grandpas were both quite old and had been ill for a long time and that they were in hospital for a long time because the doctors were trying to make them better. I've also explained that most people come out of hospital better than they went in... What else can I say?

I'd normally ask for book recommendations, but she commented yesterday that Mummies die a lot in books, so it would have to be something pretty subtle!

I can't offer you any helpful advice sorry, but didn't want to not post after reading.
All I can do is tell you of my own experience. I too like your daughter have a fear of hospitals and doctors/dentists. My fear is totally irrational. I have no idea why I am afraid, but every time I think of, or have to go to a hospital or doctor/dentists, I start to get bad anxiety/panic attacks. I know when it started, it started after I had some teeth out at the hospital when I was 6ish. But I don't know why it started, as I didn't have a bad experience, every thing went well, completely normal.
My anxiety has got better thanks to corrective behavioural therapy (CBT), but the only reason I had this was because I was pregnant so had to deal with my fears. I also have anxiety medication, which I take when ever I feel an attack coming on. But other than that nothing helped.
The only thing I can suggest is taking to a doctor about your daughter's fears, see what they suggest.

Sorry to not be of much help. Hopefully someone will come along more helpful than me.

Thanks for responding disneymum3 and sorry to hear of your difficulties.

I bought Badger's Parting Gifts and read it to her last night. She said it was a sad story and we talked about how Badger's friends learned to remember him happily.

I went in for the pre-op this morning. I had to get up an hour earlier than usual and my poppet woke up at the same time, but seemed content to see me off as I'd packed her lunch and got her breakfast. I called to let my husband know when I was done and he said she was happy to know I was on my way home before she went to school.

Guess I'll just keep on keeping on.

Oh good. I'm glad everything went ok for you and for your daughter.
Best thing to do is to keep reassuring her that everything is good.
Another thing to do is just keep an eye out for those fears returning if your daughter needs to see the doctor, as they are more likely to be more pronounced.
And if the fears end up getting too much and turn into a mini anxiety attack, just keep talking to her in a calm voice about somethin completely unrelated, and reminding her to breath slow and deep through her mouth.