Degree with a newborn and a 4 year old

[MishMooshAndMogwai]

So I told my tutor this morning that im pregnant, I'm due at the end of July so luckily it'll fall within the summer holidays.

I'm not overly worried about this year, it'll be hard and I'll be tired I know but it's more than doable, I can do this!

Next year is worrying me however. She told me that there will be no new intake for the course this September so there will be no course for me to return to should intake a year out. Basically, I finish the course with a newborn or I don't finish at all. Between this and student finance there is just no way for me to take a year out and still gain a qualification.

It's going to be horrendous, I'm going to be exhausted and I just don't know how I'm going to cope but realistically beyond that what can I expect? Any tips on survival?

Dd starts school in September and there is a nursery on site at the college for baby to go to, I'm going to ask them about places today when I go and pick her up.

At the moment I am working on maximising my time at college and getting as much work done as I can here so that my evenings are freer in order to have more time with dd and be in less of a rush. I'm working on it but haven't mastered it yet!

What are the practicalities? Feeding the baby? Expressing maybe? I struggled last time but will have to take that as it comes.
Sleep? Organisation? The guilt of leaving baby and missing the firsts?

I'm fully anticipating having no life at all for the next 18 months but it'll be all worth it in the end right? I can do what I want after that? A career, a year out....it'll just have to wait!

It is doable! It's bloody hard work but manageable!
I did my first degree as a mature student and I had DD when I started, she was 2 at that point.
I then decided to have my second child and was pregnant with DS during my final year (4th year as Scottish). He was born about a week after handing my dissertation in and about two weeks before my finals. It was hard finding time to study and I was exhausted. I also (tmi) leaked during my written exams but it was a running joke with my tutors :P
I also worked part time whilst at uni to afford the childcare costs for DD.
Anyway fast forward and I'm now in my 4th year of medicine and due DC3 in May. My summer doesn't start til mid July and I'm back for my final year at the end of aug.
So far it's going ok. But I too am nervous about being more tired (age and diff type of course) as I'm on placement now. And the thought of leaving this baby so early to go back next year is scary too. Don't know how I'm going to cope feeding wise.
But I will cope. I have great support in my DH and our older two who are now 11 and 5. The uni have been brill.
I just had to weigh up what was more important. I could have waited too after I qualified and was settled in a career but by that time I would have been a lot older and the gap between DD and this one is already big enough.
The financial support out there is good, it could be better but it's not terrible. It's still tough to manage financially just like it is for any student.
In terms of studying etc, it's just what works best for you and your family really. I hate studying haha! and the last thing I want to do once I've got the other two to bed is get the books out but it has to be done and I just need to suck it up. I find holidays are the hardest, especially christmas as I want as much time with the kids as poss but end up feeling guilty that I've not done enough uni work, or if I'm tucked away revising then I feel guilty that I've not seen the kids enough. I think this is normal and working mums get this too.
Anyway. That was an essay! My point is that it's doable. Just get all the support you can on board, and don't be afraid to ask family etc to watch the kids when assignments/exams are looming. But don't feel guilty when you need to ease off the work to be a mum. Easier said than done believe me and o often beat myself up about not doing as well as I know I can on exams etc. but I have other priorities sometimes and as long as I pass that's the main thing :)

What a great reply ginge thank you

Well done you and congrats! You must be SO disciplined with yourself, that's where I'm going to struggle most I think. Like you say though, I've just got to suck it up! That will be my mantra for the next 18 months!

My DC's were these exact ages last academic year, my DS1 was 4, just starting school and DS2 was born in the middle of August before the start of term.
Will pop back after they are in bed with a more detailed post!

Thanks, you're welcome :)
Haha I'm anything but disciplined! Wish I was. Most essays/coursework are last minute jobs for me. But I am probably more organised than many other students.
Medicine tends to attract "highflying perfectionist" types and I definitely fit into that category so not being able to be the best student or the best mum at all times is something which I've struggled to come to terms with, still am if I'm honest. But I know that I'm a good enough student and a good enough mum and ultimately the life I'm going to be able to provide for my family once I've graduated will make all these years of sacrifice more than worthwhile.

My favourite moment so far was when I went into DDs class to give them a talk on the heart, lungs and blood last year. I was petrified at speaking in front of of a load of 10/11 year olds. But I did it at the end I got the biggest thumbs up and a huge smile from DD. She was beaming with pride and it made me feel great, that maybe I am doing the right thing here, and maybe I'm not a terrible mum after all :)

It's only 18 months! One big push and you will feel great at the end of it :)
Just get as much support on side as you can :) good luck!

Oh meant to say as for missing the firsts...
I was working when DD was first born and she was in nursery/childminder from about 4 months part time, then went full time at about 10/11mos old as I did an access course at college before my first degree. DS was in ft childcare from about 7/8months I think.
I no doubt missed loads of "official" firsts but I was there for their firsts with me, IYKWIM?
So you won't miss out, the first time they roll, crawl, walk, say mama etc will all be with you.

Oh ginger what a lovely thing to be able to do! I bet little moments like that really do make it all worth while along the way which must be great motivation!

I need to keep telling myself that,

Posted too soon!

I need to keep telling myself that it's such a short time and it'll be worth it in the end even if I don't get to go to baby massage this time!

I see what you mean, that's a good way to look at it :)

I went back to uni this year when dd was 5 weeks old- I'm not going to tell you it's easy, but it is doable. I'm in the final year of a teaching degree, and I take her to most of my lectures- it's fairly easy while they're little and portable.

She'll be going to nursery while I do my final teaching practice in the summer, which I know will be hard, but I just keep reminding myself that it's for a better life for us all at the end.

Once thing I would say I'd work your socks off now, grades wise, as it gets a lot harder to write well while looking after a limpet baby!

DD is now 5 months and like a little mascot at uni- it'll be fun to show her pictures when she's older of her early entrance to higher education!

Good luck, feel free to pm me if you want any advice with how to approach lecturers, how to feed etc! (I printed off lots of legal advice to arm myself with when I went to ask about taking her to class.)

I will be in exactly the same situation! Have a baby due at the end of July (my daughter has just turned 2) and am absoluetely stressed and do not know what to do next year! I'm sitting exams at the moment and have not even told my personal tutor as she is a complete bitch not very supportive.

Xx

Aww Starlight. Do you have any impartial adviser of studies type person you can talk to as well? Student support might be helpful if you do find your tutor to be less than supportive (to put it nicely haha!)

Like Egog and I have said above it is doable with (very) little people and you're already doing it with a two year old in tow.

You don't need to make any decisions regarding next year right now and if it suits, and is possible you can take a year out if you're finding it difficult. Just don't let your tutor etc push you into any decision regarding that because you won't know how you'll feel.
I'm honestly flitting between everything will be fine to oh shit what have I done! sometimes in a matter of seconds haha! I'll blame the hormones for now :P

How're you both feeling, pregnancy wise right now anyway? I feel massive and very self conscious on the wards as a pregnant medical student lol! It's not really the "done-thing" even for the post-grad/oldie entrants.

Hmm think I will email student support now and see if there is anything that can be done. my lecturers are great, so are my seminar tutors :) but not my personal tutor.
I am fortunate, my partner is extremely supportive and is happy to take a year off of work but I think he has forgotten that there are bills and rent and children to feed? I like to stress over everything and he is too laid-back!
Bless you, it is a difficult time isn't it! Feels as if I'm not sure if I should be excited about the baby or petrified.. I know how you feel, I am in a Russell Group so am dreading my bump growing at the beginning of the academic year, somebody was shocked as I already had a child. aaarrrghhh hormones hormones! Apologies, I have replied to you twice now! Woops xxx

Well i had 8 children and actually started uni at 29 weeks pregnant so of course it can be done. My degree is very demanding, i'm now on placement 3 days a week and uni two days. My grades are good, feedback from placement glowing, i am in the frame of mind that if you want something bad enough you'll do it.

You are all an inspiration! Well done all of you. I am hoping to start uni this sept for 4 year degree and only have one DS of 2.5 and I've been worrying about it. Reading these posts has put me in such a positive frame of mind . Others have been saying I won't cope moving away and managing a demanding degree I shall direct them to this thread!

MoreThanAWoman - it is doable! And having a child gives you that extra but of motivation :-) I think when you're pregnant, you just have all these extra hormones that make you worry and panic about every single aspect. I myself, and I'm sure the other expecting mothers on here are fully aware of their capabilities - the same for parents, but everything just seems a little more nerve-wracking. My mother often reminds me that she had two little ones, a baby who she was breast feeding and then became pregnant again not long after, aswell as studying a degree and working three jobs Us parents are superheroes :D

Thanks starlight9 I couldn't agree more about pregnancy hormones!

You all have DC, studying, working and juggled so much a long with expecting a bambino.

The saying is true isn't it if you want it badly enough. This thread certainly pushed my doubts to the side.

Good luck to all of you and huge congratulations of your pregnancies xx

Wow some great replies glad this is helping others too!

Thanks everyone, we can do this! And congrats!