Feeling useless as a mother today

[sorrymum]

Just needed to bash this out - I just feel as though I'm constanly 'on' at ds (4). Maybe it's just a bad day but after I dropped him off at nursery school I came home and burst into tears. We woke up happy, but I sometimes feel like I'm grinding him down .. hard to explain, I'm always saying how much I love him, say 'well done' and try and praise him, but everything seems a battle - we were bickering over him brushing his teeth, I asked him to put his shoes and socks on, he didn't do that - it's like he doesn't listen and I have to repeat myself over and over - then getting in the car I told him to stay on the pavement while I moved the carseat over to the nearside, he went straight into the road and tried to open the door on the roadside - I HATE telling him off, I seem to be doing it all the time, and he says 'sorry mummy, I'm really sorry', over and over - he is sorry, but it seems to happen again, but I feel bad that all he seems to say is 'sorry', I'm repeating myself but I feel like I'm wearing him down (this probably makes no sense!). He is such a lovely boy, why do we have battles over such silly things sometimes! Just having another cry now... what is wrong with me... I want a bit of 'me time' right now but feel like I want to wrap my arms around him. I guess I just want to know I'm doing OK as a Mum really, and it's all normal.
Sorry everyone.

My DS also 4 can be a bit like this. We get round it by physically moving him around and helping him as much as we need to to get the job done so that everything doesn't turn into a battle.

So e.e if he needs to put his socks on I will get him to do one while I do the other. Shoes I will bring to him and undo the fastenings. If he's getting into the car I will open the door I want him to go into and kindof shepherd him in!

It does take more of my time but it means the time I do have with him in the morning is much more pleasant

Hopefully this phase will pass... soon...

I have a simlar problem with my 5 yr old Ds. I was always shouting at him to get dressed for school and I hated myself for doing it. So we've turned getting dressed into a game. I count to 10 and he has to have an item of clothing on by time I get to 10, it really works couse he sees it as a challenge and often has it on before I get to 5, so he's really chuffed couse hes beat mummy.

We have really happy mornings now.

I really, honestly, think it is normal that small children almost can't hear you - I know that sounds ridiculous, but I am sure they don't process requests properly until they are quite a bit older. I do think keeping your requests very simple and using as few words as possible helps -eg 'teeth' or 'door' or 'stay on pavement' and repeating the same simple phrase a lot. Jimjams uses these techniques I think with her autistic son very effectively. I also think if you ask a young child to do two things they are very unlikely to remember both and will get confused. I tend to do a lot of physical stuff for my ds (2.7) - ie pick him up, lead him to the door, put him in the car first, put on his clothes, etc as it avoids the irritation of repeating yourself. I do really, really try to eliminate all battles as far as humanly possible as I am too lazy to endure them. But yes, everyone gets annoyed sometimes. If you really feel you are being hard on your ds, why not say so and apologise? It can make you feel much better. (Not that I'm saying you are doing anything wrong btw - just that it's for YOUR benefit in that you feel happier). Why not plan a little treat from when you pick him up from nursery? A lollipop and trip to the park or (my idea of a treat) Starbucks for a latte and a muffin?

....Nothing is wrong with you...sounds like your a fabulous loving mum....
We all need hugs sometimes...and here is a virtual one for you......
It is most likely you who needs a break...he will be fine and think nothing of it...but there you are mulling it over and worrying...please don't. It's blumming hard bringing up children...I know I have a 3 yr old ds....

Hi sorrymum

I could have written your post - have just yelled at DD (4) to brush her teeth after asking loads of times - and like your DS she says I'm sorry mummy and wants a cuddle. Sometimes she cries. Feel like shit then. Everyday I pray for strength not to yell at her and do well most of the time but occasionally fall off the wagon. Am always having to ask her to do things lots of times but usually manage to keep calm. Now you know you're not the only one.

SM

I'm coming to the conclusion that this is something about 4 year old boys. We have been thru this, and around January/February I was at my wits end, constantly 'on' at ds to do this, do that etc.

There was a thread in march, this one ,on a slightly similar theme.

If it's any consolation We seem to be coming out the other end of this, he doesn't seem to be quite so annoying (although dh has taken over atm ).

Don't beat yourself up, and try not to let him get to you over things that are less important. Oh, and the crying seems to be normal too, I spent most of last Tuesday in tears over a row I'd had with ds before he went out with childminder. Completely irrational.

Sorrymum - I nearly started a similar thread yesterday. One of my DDs (3) is just like your boy and when I get ratty with her she keeps saying "sorry about that mummy, I'm sorry", "don't be cross mummy, I don't like you being cross mummy" over and over. Makes me feel terrible, as though I'm always cross, which isn't true, I hope!

Dear all, it's really heartening to read your replies - thanks for taking the time, very much appreciated.. after a long day, which got better during the middle then deteriorated at bedtime (but I was very calm - we nearly had a teeth-brushing drama but I got him to forget about having a paddy but saying 'race you to the bedroom, I'm gonna beat you' ...you get the picture) which worked a treat! Glad to know I'm not alone in how I'm feeling though.
Sobernow, going to try that 'game' tomorrow, sounds a hoot!
Aloha, I apologised to ds today as well, which made me feel better, so thanks for that.
Hopefully I can revert back to my normal Mumsnet persona and not be Sorrymum for a while... thanks for being there, everyone.

Hi sorrymum, i have a similar prob with my Dd1. I seem to be always telling her off for something and i know she must sometimes wonder what she's done. Her younger sister and brother though get away with everything.
I have started to correct things though, after dd1 tidied her room all by herself without being asked last week, and she seemed quite emotional about me being so chuffed. I obviously don't praise her enough and i'm now probably going overboard but she's enjoying it so thats fine with me.

Sorrymum, it's a relief to read what you wrote. I have spent a lot of today talking to my mum about how I am with my DD.(nearly 4).It's just like you all say, constant moaning at her over trivia. I guess if we could step back, video ourselves and watch it we would say, what the hell is the problem here over so many "little" things. I am putting it down to one thing for me - control. I look at my friends who are laid back and they just don't "lose it" like I do. They don't get uptight about the same things and yet none of them are control freaks like me. I have realised that having children has been the only time in my life that I have not been in control whether it be work, family or relationships.What do you all think? Anyone else out there with control a major part of their personality?